My Dad.

[Addie]

Prayers are very powerful. And with all the prayers coming from DC, he will find his way to comfort. If the hospice is to be the place for him, then accept it with grace and calm. The people there are specially trained to care for folks like your father.

I don't know the age of your father, but I will be 73 next month. My kids and I have had many talks about my old age. This past year has been somewhat of a nightmare for me. In and out of the hospital so many times I feel like I own the place. I don't want any tears shed. I have had a full life and I want them to celebrate that. So think of all the good things about your father's life. And if you can, when you are with him, try to tell him funny stories and memories about your childhood with him. And if he wants to talk, then listen. Don't say, "Oh Dad, don't say things like that." He wants to be heard and know that you are listening.

Bring the dog as often as you are allowed. Take your cues from Violet. I strongly believe animals know what is going on and have a feel for the future. Both your father and Violet need comfort at this time.

Last July 4th we had a party at my daughter's house in the backyard. All my children were there. We talked about my death, my wishes and what I should put in a will. We laughed so hard our chests were hurting and tears of laughter were flowing. It was the funnest party I have ever been to. And when my time comes, I know there will be one less thing I will worry about. My kids will be all right. Give your father this comfort. Let him know that you are going to be all right. No matter what the outcome of his present health is.

You sound like a strong woman. Pass that strength on to your father through prayer. It will bring comfort to you and your father. And remember, we here at DC are praying also.

 

[LPBeier]

Addie, Dad is 86 and has spent his last two birthdays in the hospital.

He is finally "resting comfortably". They have the medication worked out and his personal care aide will have arrived about an hour ago. I talked to him at 7 and he had been sleeping. He sounded groggy, but much calmer and said that it was helping the pain. I called my sister and said that we were finally getting somewhere. We will wait for the results of all the tests, but in the meantime I will check out hospice so that if we have to go that route I will be able to tell Dad what to expect. That is important to him - the unknown is pretty scary.

Thank you all for your thoughts, energy, prayers, hugs and love. I have pulled away from here during other times of need but I am so glad to have you all now.

I am taking Violet with me tomorrow. Joie, our other dog is just too rambunctious and barky, but Violet just knows what is needed. She is truly amazing.

 

[Barbara L]

...I am taking Violet with me tomorrow. Joie, our other dog is just too rambunctious and barky, but Violet just knows what is needed. She is truly amazing.

When James' brother was in the hospital with his last heart aneurysm we were able to bring Frank's dog Tess up to see him a couple times. We couldn't bring her inside the V.A. hospital, but Frank was able to come outside to a little sitting area they had. I think those visits from Tess did him more good than anything the doctors could do for him. It was especially hard for him to be there because he was blind, but being able to feel and talk to Tess made his day so special. There were other patients out there too, and they just lit up when Tess went to see them. I'm glad Violet has been able to go see your dad!

 

[jabbur]

Laurie, I know it is never easy to watch a parent become frail. You have done everything possible to make his life comfortable and enjoyable. Taking care of your dad the way you did as you struggle with your own health issues was amazing. He knows you truly love him. You have shown that to him these last few years. Praying for God's blessings and comfort to you and your family as you face the difficult decisions ahead.

 

[tinlizzie]

Sympathy and good wishes for continuing strength to you and your sister.

 

[GB]

Laurie, you are in my thoughts and prayers! Sending you all my love!!!

 

[Alix]

Laurie, sending you hugs and peaceful, calm thoughts and energy. You know my prayers are with you all. I'll say another right now for peace.

 

[babetoo]

you will certainly be in my thoughts, as will your dad. i lost my mom after a long illness, it was hard to see her like that. you and your dad are very close and you have been his guide in his journey. take care of yourself.

 

[vitauta]

your struggles with your dad remind me of my own. it is a helpless feeling when suddenly all your efforts no longer can bring back good health to a loved one. you are a good and loving daughter, laurie. making sure your dad is as comfortable as possible is what you can do and are doing for him right now. my thoughts are with you and yours at this time. peace be with you....

 

[LPBeier]

Thanks, everyone.

Yesterday was a rough one. Dad is finally getting the sleep and relief he needs through the medication, but when he is awake he is very demanding and needy. He has no sense of time so if it takes a care aide 5 minutes to answer his call he thinks it is an hour and that they don't care. The staff, who are used to convalescent and rehab patients are beside themselves in knowing how to look after him. They are all shocked at how quickly he has gone downhill.

So, we may be increasing the personal care aide (we pay for) to 24 hours. He seems to need constant attention and neither the unit staff nor my sister and I are capable of that.

I am taking Violet up today as I was unable to yesterday. Even if she just curls up on his bed (don't know if it is allowed, but we will find out) it will be a comfort to both. I am also taking my discman and some speakers with an mp3 disc I made one other time he was hospitalized. It has all his music on it and music has always been something that comforts my Dad.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I see no problem with Violet curling up on the bed. It should happen, it might calm your Dad enough he can sleep. And if anyone tells you she can't be up there, escort them out of the room and close the door behind them.

 

[LPBeier]

Well, Violet did go with me. Dad was asleep but she jumped up so very gently he didn't even notice, but when she put her head on his leg his hand gradually went to her. They stayed like that for probably 45 minutes. It was so awesome. I wished I could have taken a picture as they were peacefully sleeping.

One of the nurses came in and asked if they could hire her!

The rest of the visit wasn't as good. He didn't like that I changed the night worker to a day one because he was sleeping most of the night and is restless and needy in the morning when they are trying to get everyone up for breakfast. He agreed with me and then complained to my sister and then told the evening nurse that I had promised to spend the night with him. They are finally realizing that on top of his pain and anxiety he has some dementia as well.

I am very tired, discouraged and scared. I really don't know how this is all going to turn out. My sister is the same. But I have faith that all will work it's way out. The main thing is that Dad not suffer as he has been.

 

[Bolas De Fraile]

LP mate I visit this thread every day.There is nothing anyone can say to help apart from knowing others care.

 

[LPBeier]

Thanks, Bolas. I appreciate your sentiment. I draw great strength from everyone here at DC.

 

[TATTRAT]

I am very tired, discouraged and scared. I really don't know how this is all going to turn out. My sister is the same. But I have faith that all will work it's way out. The main thing is that Dad not suffer as he has been.

I can understand, and appreciate the gravity of your situation. I am so sorry that your dad is going through this, as well as you and the family, but for what it's worth, we are pulling for you all.

More positive thoughts and energy heading your way!

 

[Barbara L]

As hard as it may be, take the complaining in stride. My dad was the same way, and who can blame them. When someone has been so vital and independent for most of his life, and then he is stuck in a body that no longer works, and has to depend on others for everything, it is so hard on him. I think my dad's sense of dignity suffered most of all, knowing that we were seeing him that way. Just remember, when he complains it is just because he is not in control. Of course, I know you know all of this. We are continuing to pray for your dad, and for you and Tony.

 

[cara]

Laurie,
my thoughts are with you.
Believe me, I know how you feel.. as I read your story I see my Dad lying in his hospital bed, going downhill almost every hour..
there was some of us (sisters/brothers/Mother) with him for 24h. The last three days at the ICU and finally he was relieved from his pain....

And it all started with a broken elbow........

 

[PrincessFiona60]

LP, it's obvious to me that the antidepressant they started him on is not working, they need to change it. It has been a couple of weeks, there should be some signs it is starting to work by now.

I am very glad for the reaction of the staff to Violet, how is she doing? Still moping at home or is she a bit perkier?

 

[LPBeier]

LP, it's obvious to me that the antidepressant they started him on is not working, they need to change it. It has been a couple of weeks, there should be some signs it is starting to work by now.

I am very glad for the reaction of the staff to Violet, how is she doing? Still moping at home or is she a bit perkier?

The two weeks for the antidepressant is Monday and the doctor is going to review it then. But I agree with you that it isn't working well. We STILL don't have the results of the urine culture and the hemoglobin which is unsettling.

Violet is still clinging to me, but is eating better, more playful and generally much happier. Every time I come home from seeing Dad she sniffs me and I am sure she can smell him on me and probably knows that is a good thing! We will be taking both dogs up tomorrow afternoon as hubby will come with me. Joie tends to be more hyper there and if he barks one of us can take him out. But Dad loves both of them.

 

[vitauta]

aren't dogs remarkable, tho? i wonder if they know how wonderfully therapeutic they are for us humans at times....