Need advice...

[netizin]

Sooooooo... My oldest son who is only 7 yrs old has been talking inappropriately and is now getting into trouble on the school bus for saying and calling other kids (girls) personal body parts. We have tried everything to get him to stop... We are starting to worry its going to get worse. Anyone got any advice? We could use some input with this severe problem.

Netizin Cooks and Creates Nom Nom Nom

 

[CharlieD]

Gee, kids. I guess I was lucky my kids did not swear. Of course there were plenty of other stuff they did and still do.
I guess the first thing is not to punish, but take away privileges. But you probably already did that since you are saying that you "tried everything". Punishment like time out hardly ever works for a seven year old. And spanking is a big no-no nowadays. I say seat down, have him stand in front of you and give him a long lecture, one that will bore him to no end. Make sure to tell him how much you love him throughout the lecturing. Next time he will think twice before using bad language. Also very important to find out where he got the idea of using such language, if it is from friends then it is very important to make he is not allowed to play with such friends. Did you speak with counselors in school? Did they had any suggestions?

 

[Dawgluver]

Is it just on the bus, or does this happen in class and on the playground too? Is he being dared or goaded into saying these words?

Explain that words can hurt as much as hitting someone, and that you will not accept such behavior. Ask the guidance counselor to talk to him. Many schools have school wide programs dealing with respect for others, self, and property, see if you can piggyback on some of the lessons. Good luck!

 

[Linda123]

You may ask him if he has ever been bullied and then explain to him that calling others inappropriate names is a form of bullying.

 

[Roll_Bones]

I raised four daughters and I feel your pain.

Just do your very best to support him, but make sure he knows that his behavior will not be tolerated.
You can start with his favorite object and remove that from him if he breaks your rule.
He will then lose more objects until he figures it out for himself.
You then start to return these objects as his behavior hopefully improves.

I am not by any means an expert. So if you feel his behavior is above normal childish bad behavior with no success in stopping it, I would contact a professional.

Best of Luck.

 

[Mad Cook]

I raised four daughters and I feel your pain.

Just do your very best to support him, but make sure he knows that his behavior will not be tolerated.
You can start with his favorite object and remove that from him if he breaks your rule.
He will then lose more objects until he figures it out for himself.
You then start to return these objects as his behavior hopefully improves.

I am not by any means an expert. So if you feel his behavior is above normal childish bad behavior with no success in stopping it, I would contact a professional.

Best of Luck.

As an ex-teacher I'm inclined to agree with Bones on this. If the school have tried to curb this and you have too, both of you with no success, professional help might be the next step. An educational psychologist perhaps? Can the school point you in the right direction? Is this sort of thing available free in your area?

Remember, he is a bully and these girls are his victims.

If this only occurs on the school bus do you live near enough, with a safe enough walking route to school for you to be able to threaten (read "promise") to make him walk to school in future if he does it again? If you can do this you MUST come through immediately the inappropriate behaviour is reported to you.

I expect you know and act accordingly, but warnings to enact punishment if it happens again MUST be carried out whether it's missing a school treat, withdrawal of television privileges, no swimming/football/MacDonald's privileges for a named amount of time, no birthday party or whatever and make it very clear that this IS punishment for his inappropriate behaviour. Do not weaken.

I'm sure this sounds very hard but if he is allowed to think that this is acceptable behaviour he will still be doing it (or similar) when he's 20 years old and likely to find himself in real trouble with either the law or his employers. He's seven for heaven's sake, if his behaviour can't be controlled at this age God help you and his victims when he's big enough to really do damage! Seven year old bullies have a tendency to turn into 27 year olds bullying their wives and children if not sorted out straight at the beginning.