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Old 08-24-2006, 11:44 AM   #441
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AHHH,

no its ok, my step m-i-l likes opera, but hates Europe and fashion missed the entire family by!

venting does help doesn't it! I feel much better than I did when I first posted earlier!
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Old 08-24-2006, 11:54 AM   #442
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YAY! Yes venting helps a LOT! Which is why I created this thread. Sometimes the petty stuff (or big stuff) gets to a point where it is scream or run around like a crazy person. LOL
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Old 08-24-2006, 01:06 PM   #443
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I like to vent, too - but today, I've vented to a friend, so I'm able to cope with any little irritant that might be bugging me... BUT, only for today!
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Old 09-12-2006, 07:29 PM   #444
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Thank goodness for this thread. My nerves are about to explode. I've locked myself in my room several times just to let it out and cry! Argh! Can anyone tell me if there's life after teen boys? I know it's not ADD but unable to focus. Is this meaning equal to laziness? Good grief! I need patience for this stage in our lives. What's calmed me down is praying and then it starts all over again. This is not fair too because my daughter and toddler get neglected because of all the caos going on with our 12 year old. I can't believe I'm venting out here about my son but if there's anyone out there who has teenage boys, please give me some advise. I could surely use some prayers too. Sigh!
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Old 09-12-2006, 07:42 PM   #445
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Been there done that 3 times with boys, twice with girls. Trust me, the girls are easier, if that is any solice. Just hang in there, they grow up waaaaaaay to fast.
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Old 09-12-2006, 07:47 PM   #446
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Dina, this is about the time that your IQ goes waaay down and his goes waaaay up - or so he thinks!!!!!! ...and this too shall pass. Hang in there!
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Old 09-12-2006, 08:07 PM   #447
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Mine turned 22 in June... When does it pass Kitchenelf?
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Old 09-12-2006, 08:12 PM   #448
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Dina, I do not have a teen boy but I have a teen girl AND a toddler too - a tough mix. I feel your pain - imo you are doing the right thing - praying constantly. I might add drinking helps too.
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Old 09-12-2006, 08:57 PM   #449
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Dina,
I had four kids and all four tried at one time or another to be boss!! Hard as it is and as much as you love them, don't let them run the show. You are their mom, YOU make the rules and they live in your house, although it's their home.They will respect you or else...Kids need rules and a firm hand and believe me, they will let you know it when they get older. Mine all have one way or another...If you let him see you upset, I don't mean laying down the law upset, I mean the oh dear what shall I do upset, he's won, you have to not let him see you give in. After he's in bed asleep, go outside and bawl like a baby, but don't let him know. You are going to be just fine he will get over this and he may get a few hard knocks along the way, but be there, pick him up dust him off and send out again..He's your boy and you reside in him so we all know, there is more good in him then bad Take heart mom, he does love you.

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Old 09-12-2006, 09:07 PM   #450
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Dina..kadesma is so right. My three were all terrors at one time or another, but they all grew up....and I know they all love me...even if I was a "mean" mom. The hardest part is trusting in yourself. Sometimes we think...well....maybe....but deep down inside you know how you want it to be...and you have to stick to it. They are trying so hard to be a "man" at this age. The worst part...they don't even know what that is. I'll keep you in my prayers. I know how many tears I shed....and there's very little a person can say to someone going through this time with their child. God bless you and your family....just keep knowing that no matter what happens you have friends here...so vent away.
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Old 09-13-2006, 08:57 AM   #451
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Thank you ladies. Your words are so meaningful. I know that some days are better than others but yesterday was just the ultimate. Thing is, our boy doesn't disrespect or boss us around, thankfully. He's pretty good in that sense. But when he's asked to do things like homework or pick up his room, he takes hours to do it, literally from the time he gets home to 10 p.m. He seems unfocused and unmotivated to do things. Unless I'm sitting with him doing the math homework and showing him how to work out every problem, he's happy. If I leave him alone to do it himself, he sits for hours tapping his pencil and staring at the walls. He's been getting failing grades in Math only because he's not showing his work, as the teacher requests. He'd have 100's on each of them by now but he's only writing the answers and not following directions. He was in number sense in 6th grade and thinks he can get away with it this year. I know it's his mark and not mine, but I can't allow him to slack off on academics when I know he's capable of getting the grades.

I know many others have worse problems with their kids and I should be thankful for what I have. I just needed to vent and somehow get some feedback from you moms that have been through this. I will continue to pray for patience and for my son to begin to take some responsibility for his own stuff. Thank you all for listening.
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Old 09-13-2006, 09:06 AM   #452
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Oh Dina, I think that it sounds like you are doing a fine job. I can't even imagine how tough it must be to be a parent. I think that boys find it harder to self motivate than girls sometimes, and at twelve he is probably starting to fight with a teenage boys desire to sleep 20 hours a day and moan non stop. Sounds to me like you are a pretty decent role model for him.

I have no real advice, because I am not a mother, but best wishes and also, from once difficult child, I now look back and am grateful that the parents I "hated" then were strict and brooked no rubbish. They never seemed upset just milldly disinterested when I made excuses or told them my reasons for not coming up to scratch. Years later my mother told me in broke her heart but she knew that if I saw that she was upset I would think that normal parts of growing up were valid excuses for not performing upto scratch. I love her for that now more than if she had given into me.
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Old 09-13-2006, 10:27 AM   #453
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Thank you sweetie. I appreciate your words Lulu. I do love my boy so much that I will continue to hold this fort down, even if I have to hide to bawl every day to relieve the stress.
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Old 09-13-2006, 11:35 AM   #454
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Dina, I hear you. With me it's a teen girl. No matter what I say, I'm the bad guy. Grit your teeth and hang in there.
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Old 09-13-2006, 11:52 AM   #455
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Dina, you know I love you and you know I think your son is a doll (and if we ever get closer together we should introduce our kids! )

I have to tell you though, that you need to set up a really impactful consequence for him if his work is not done up to your standards and then WALK AWAY. If you are sitting next to him "helping" all the time then he is not doing what he needs to. You are so sweet and tenderhearted I know this will tear your guts out, but he needs to do it on his own. I'm not saying he is intentionally demanding all your attention, but it is a nice by product of this situation. As for the rest of it, (the taking FOREVER to get things done) well thats a teen thing. Chalk it up to MBA (minor but annoying) and let it go.

You are going to wear yourself right out if you keep going this way. Your other two kids are going to start acting up to get more of your attention and so the cycle begins.

Make your son responsible for his own marks and come and vent here tons and tons. We will support you, we love you! Teen years don't last forever, but they sure are tough slogging. You can do it Dina! Hugs to you my dear friend.
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Old 09-13-2006, 01:15 PM   #456
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Dina, it sounds like we have similar problems with our teens. This year I have taken a different approach - like what Alix said. I am not holding her hand through everying - ie., homework, cleaning room, chores, etc. I state the rules, expectations, whatever. If "A" doesn't happen, then "B" will. For example, your room must be clean before you go to bed at 9:30, if it is not clean to my standards (and she knows what they are), you will have no phone, tv or computer tomorrow. I don't get mad, can focus my attention on other things (my toddler ripping the mail open), and she appreciates not hearing me nag. For the most part, this has worked. One case it did not work, and she is reaping the consequences now - maybe that is what has helped! Anyways, there are lots of parents of teens here, and they are all very supportive. We are here to help! Keep your head up, keep praying, and remember you are the mom. Kids like (thrive) boundries - you sound like you are doing everything right. I once told a family member that, being the mother of a 14 year old was making me lose my mind and she said that I must lose my mind, because no mother in their right mind would let a 16-year behind the wheel of a car!
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Old 09-13-2006, 02:51 PM   #457
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It's interesting to be on the "other" side of raising children. Our youngest is going to be 32 in November. He's one of 5. Four boys and a girl. In some ways, our daughter gave us more heartburn than any of our sons. But my husband and I held our ground and were the parents rather than buddies to our children. I think that's where some parents make a mistake. It's nice to be friends with our children but, after all, we ARE the parents.

By the time our children, the boys mostly, reached their teen years, the issue of keeping their rooms up to our standards was almost comical. Our oldest, now 36, was the worst. His room should've been condemned. We ordered, shouted, withheld stuff, campused him, everything. Nothing seemed to work. He still seemed to enjoy living in a cesspool. Finally, we quit harping and just shut his door. When he asked where his favorite shirt/pants/etc. were, we just told him to look on the floor because he'd neglected to put them in the wash before laundry day. Laundry day, by the way, has been on the same day for 38 years, so he had no excuse for not knowing when the wash was done. Plus, each one had a laundry basket in their closet with their name on it. All they had to do was to put it in front of the washer the night before the laundry was to be done. Then pick it up the next afternoon. How hard was that?

He was an "A" student, but did only enough to get by and sometimes not that much. We practically lived in the guidance counselor's office. Once he graduated from high school - something we doubted until the moment he walked across the stage - he got the bright idea to enter the military. He'd always bucked discipline, so we were astounded at his decision. Not only that, he chose the most difficult service...the Marines. We were floored.

He served well and proudly and when he left the Marines, we had the opportunity to visit with him at his apartment. Surprise, surprise, surprise. The shelves of his linen closet were filled with neatly stacked towels, washcloths, bars of soap, etc. His closet had each shirt on a hanger, in color order, and his underwear and socks were folded neatly and all in perfect rows. So much for the messy cesspool of a few years earlier.

He's become a very successful young man and is currently developing his own property managment company. And, by the way, you can eat off the floor in any room of his house. Who'd ah known?!

We survived 5 driver's licenses and a couple of automobile accidents. Thankfully none serious. We also made it through countless boyfiriend/girlfriend endless loves and break-ups. Somehow we used instinct and dumb luck to weather whatever storms came at us.

One thing we learned was that sometimes when our children bucked the system and insisted on doing things their way, we just had to let them suffer the consequences as hard it as it was on the two of us. Sometimes it grieved us plenty but some of the knocks helped them. All children are different, like fingerprints, so what works with one will not necessarily work with another.

Four of the five are married. Two of them now have families of their own and will, hopefully, understand what we were trying to convey to them when they were young. Having a family is hard work but, as far as I am concerned, it's well worth it.

So, hang in there and be strong. You'll be surprised at how much strength you really have. And, remember, no experience is totally bad...unless you learn nothing from it.

Be well.

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Old 09-13-2006, 03:48 PM   #458
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Katie, those words of wisdom are wonderful!
Thank you so much!
I particularly appreciated the bit about your son's messiness. My older boy will be 14 next month. I've not helped him with homework since about the 3rd grade, and he's always brought home A's on his report card. His attitude is generally considerate and kind, and he's always the first to apologize when he knows he is wrong. But his room! Laundry-land is what I call it. Stacks of folded laundry, on the floor, from a week prior, is mixed up with the things he wore yesterday! And, even though he has an enormous room, the largest part of the floor is forever in the process of a nascar race, with all his 1:16 scale models. I am tired of tripping on them! (and God help me if I move them!)
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Old 09-13-2006, 04:07 PM   #459
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jkath, do like Katie did and like I learned to do, look in shake your head and close the door..Say a prayer and be on your way..They will get the message!!! Once that special dance or doings at the school comes along and the new shirt is still on the floor where they threw it..The turn around is'nt immediate, but, it comes.

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Old 09-13-2006, 05:31 PM   #460
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Thanks, kadesma! I'll do my best!
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