LadyCook61
Master Chef
Enjoy a little thought provoking humor! Hopefully you'll find some new ones
here.
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
(My sentiments exactly!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known
as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as
the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
liquor store or Hooters
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a race car is not
called a racist?
* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, doesn't it follow that electrician
can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
15. I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then
it dawned on me...they're cramming for their
final exam.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what
do Chinese mothers use?...toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in
the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
18. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
19. You never really learn to swear until you
learn to drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of
her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
23. Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When
you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells...
'THEIRS'?
here.
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
(My sentiments exactly!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known
as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as
the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
liquor store or Hooters
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a race car is not
called a racist?
* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, doesn't it follow that electrician
can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
15. I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then
it dawned on me...they're cramming for their
final exam.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what
do Chinese mothers use?...toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in
the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
18. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
19. You never really learn to swear until you
learn to drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of
her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
23. Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When
you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells...
'THEIRS'?
