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Old 03-10-2006, 01:10 AM   #1
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The joys of parenthood

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough
to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by
20-foot room.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does
not leak--it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4
inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
Super glue is forever.
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk
on water.
Pool filters do not like Jello.
VCR's do not eject PB&J (peanut butter and jelly, for those who need more sleep) sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5-minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

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Old 03-10-2006, 01:29 AM   #2
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You're on a roll tonight Cora, keep them coming.

Are you and the boys feeling better?
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:42 AM   #3
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I'll see what else I can find pds. The small boys are feeling better, the grown up one is the same, and I'm feeling worse today than I have. Tomorrow is another day though. Thanks for asking!
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:46 AM   #4
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Is the big one harder to take care of than the two little ones together? lol
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:58 AM   #5
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Yeah, he can be a bit of a baby when he's sick. lol
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:59 AM   #6
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yeah... it's a man thing.

They can go hiking and play football.. breaking bones is no biggie but if they get a cold WATCH OUT! lol
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Old 03-10-2006, 02:03 AM   #7
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lol pds.
It must be a man thing.
I feel bad for Ryan though, he gets every cold bug. He gets colds so often, at least a few every year. I have a good immune system and I rarely get colds, even if he's sick I can smooch him and be fine. I don't think working in the medical field helps him avoid the bugs either.
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Old 03-10-2006, 02:10 AM   #8
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Isn't he a fireman?
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Old 03-10-2006, 02:23 AM   #9
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yes, firefighter/emt. The ambulances and fire engines are of the same dept. Sometimes Ryan is on the ambulance but mostly on the engine. Even then, it's standard for an ambulance and an engine to show up at a medical call. That's why you always wonder why does the fire dept show up at car accidents.
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Old 03-10-2006, 10:16 AM   #10
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Ah, but you see, when a woman has a husband and 2 boys in the house, she essentially has 3 boys.

My Grandfather used to say (about getting work done) "If you have one boy, you have a boy. If you have 2 boys, you have a half a boy, and if you have 3 boys, you don't have a boy at all". He also used to say "What one won't think of the other one will"

My neice was born when I was 14, so to me she was more like a kid-sister. Despite the fact I was a teenager I played every game and she loved my collection of Tonka trucks from when I was a kid so we played outside whenever weather would allow ha ha. My motto was "Kids are a good excuse to let you be a kid again yourself" ha ha.

Hope you get to feeling better soon Corazon and enjoy them while they're little, which for us guys should be another 20 years or so <giggles>

God Bless.
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Old 03-10-2006, 11:46 AM   #11
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Raven, your grandfather was a very wise man.
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Old 03-10-2006, 12:51 PM   #12
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You're right about having three boys, Raven.

Aidan has begun taking gymnastics. A parent needs to take the class with him, my husband loves to go. It's funny for me to watch. Here's this group of toddlers and their parents, most of them are moms and usually 2 dads. The moms kinda stand around, telling their kids what to try and how to do it. The two dads are out there playing as much as their kids. Maybe that is the real reason we signed up for the class, so that the big kid can go play on all the fun equipment.
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:26 PM   #13
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Ahhh the joy of parenting young children!!!
Then you get something like this - and this was my afternoon yesterday.
Cell phone rings- I know it's my daughter calling from college because she is the only one who calls my cell phone.The convo went something like this
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"to the tune of someone pulling a cat's tail-mind you this child is a trained opera singer and her voice is now reminding that of finger nails dragging on a blackboard.
"Hi Kiersten what's up?"
"I"M SIIIIIICCCCKKKKK" I have a sore throat and my stomach HUUURRRTTTSS!"
"Do you have a temp?"
"I DON'T KNNNOOWWW"
"Well take your temp and call me back."
"NOOOO I"LL DO IT ON THE PHONE WITH YOU"""
YOu would think this would delegate me three minutes of blissfull silence but, instead I got moaning with a thermometer muffle.
"IT's 101" she whines.
"Take tylenol for the temp- you probably have strep. Call Dr D and make an appointment for tomorrow when you come home."I try to tell her.She is coming home for spring break.
"OK what are you making for dinner tomorrow?"
"I don't know yet- I'll make you veggie barley soup though if you would like."
This set off another round of cat yowls.
"MOOOOOMMMMMM-YOu know I'm a vegetarian and when you say stuff like that it sets off my anorexia."(She spent last summer in a day treatment program for anorexia.
Now I'm losing it it-KIERSTEN what part of veggie barley soup has meat in it!!!
"Oh I thought you said beef and barley"was the answer in alittle bit of a softer tone sans the whine.
She started whining again about her throat and I said to her how can that whining possibly make your throat feel any better?This was not a good thing to say.
"YOOOUUUU just don'T UNNNNDDDERSSSTAND."
I then said "kiersten and I'll probably go to **** for this but, right now I don't want to understand because you're giving me a headache."
"Thanks Mom and you don't believe in **** so you can stay right here and suffer with the rest of us."
I had to laugh because she doesn't even realize what she just said!!!This convo ended because her roommate came back into the room.
Enters my son age 21-"Mom I need a check for- fill in the blank." Then he looked at me."What's wrong with you?" I told him about the convo with his sister."WHY IS SHE COMING HOME?" Oh boy this is going to be good. "Spring Break"I answer. He replies "Can't we send her somewhere?" and then he adds "OH crap I'm on spring break too!"Hey Mom can you send ME somewhere?"

And people laugh when I say I love my dog the best!!!!
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:45 PM   #14
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LOL! Vicki!!! I feel for you.

My daughter turns 21 this year and is off to college in California. She can be a bit of a whiner too when she's not being a... well... We never hear from her unless she needs something, usually it's something she's doing on the internet and needs a CGI program written, or installed, or....

Thankfully she never asks for money because she knows that she's not going to get it.

Oh, and don't worry about Hades. If that's all it takes to get sent downstairs then the firey furnace is replete with parents.

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Old 03-10-2006, 02:12 PM   #15
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Raven-You'll love this- she just called a little while ago to tell me she threw up and she feels a whole lot better - should she still keep her doc's appointment because she would really like to come home an get settled then go out with her friends that are also home-Ya just have to laugh!!!!Kiersten is 18 and her college is only a half ahour away from here. We let her have her car there and she comes home frequently-I'll tell you what though everytime she comes home I need a vacation from her draining energy!!!!
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