Tremendous stress/depression

[GB]

I hear what you are saying about your mom leg and I have no doubt you are right. You are in a tough situation though. You can help your mom which means you will be around alcohol and it might put you at greater risk of not kicking the habit yourself or you can let you her fend for herself in which case you will probably have guilt about that for the rest of your life. Neither choice is a happy one. You will not walk away saying wow I feel good about this. Only you can know what the right decision is for you. Whatever you choose, I really hope it works for you.

 

[Mylegsbig]

thanks alot for taking the time to post GB. seriously....yeah it's a rough situation either way. but its getting better. when i first got here it was absolutely unbearable....but i feel that ive been mending things....i want my mom to be in my daughters life and she is sick with diabetes and might not have many years left.

cheers.

 

[redkitty]

I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering. You have had some good suggestions from wonderful people in this thread. The punching bag at the gym is a great idea. Also just walking around your town/neighborhood. Seeing a therapist will probably be the best thing (on top of not drinking anymore) you could do for YOU.

One suggestion, while you are staying with your Mom, buy some earplugs. They will help block out the dogs barking so you can get more uninterrupted sleep. Sleep is very very important. It will help with some of the symptoms related to the anxiety. (I suffer from mild anxiety and sleep really helps keep me calmer) I sleep with earplugs every night.

Like GB said, you are a smart guy and you WILL get through this. We are all here supporting you. A quote I read years ago that I still think of daily, courage is the power to leave the familiar.

 

[jpmcgrew]

The gym is a good idea or long brisk walks in the fresh air.Im thinking the physical symptoms is your body detoxing which causes stress to go along with the stress of your home life.A healthy diet would be good as well.You need to learn to put your self in a calmer state.Just know you will feel better soon.Just remember your wife must really love you to kick your butt out.
The doctor could help you on this with something temporary to help you calm down and to take the edge off.I would explore every possibility.Go on the internet you might find a whole bunch of options and support as well.
Hang in there guy we are all here rooting for you and know that you are not alone.It takes a brave man to tell us your troubles.

 

[Uncle Bob]

MLB....In July of 2005 I lost my beloved Mother, and 9 weeks later my only brother! To say I was grief stricken puts it mildly. One of the things that was suggested to me by a friend was, to go help, reach out to, love, lift up, and encourage others who were grieving from loses they had recently experienced. By doing all of this, it helped me overcome my own burdens, and grief. It was through 'giving' that I 'received' so much help and peace of mind. I don't know if this principle would apply to you and your mom or not, but you could discuss it with your professional counselor. It could be that by "giving" your all, "dedicating" yourself totally to helping, encouraging, and lifting up your mother to help her over come her addictions, it may help you in turn to overcome your own. You may not be successful in helping your mother, but I promise you my young friend, you will never, never, regret trying!

 

[Mylegsbig]

Uncle Bob, i cant even begin to fathom a loss of that magnitude. It really makes my situation pale in comparison. I guess it could be worse. God, that is a terrifying thought. Crippling actually.

good idea, btw. great idea

 

[GB]

Bucky, thank you for getting this discussion back on track. Everyone, lets stick to the topic at hand. If other things need to be discussed then please take it to PM's or a new topic if appropriate.

 

[Uncle Bob]

MLB....Your Mother 'Gave' you life. Maybe you can help "Give" her life back. Don't walk away from your mother....Run to her!!! Help her in this hour of need. Both of your lives will be richly blessed!!! You are strong! You can do it!

 

[buckytom]

legs, i'm not sure if you saw what i wrote before.

before you decide against going to aa, check out a guys only meeting. not everything there is about the 12 steps. the steps are just a guideline for people, umm, i guess who need or want more instruction or direction. but there's a lot of guys who've been through or are going through the same thing as you, and can offer good advice and a good sounding board for your feelings.

and good on ya for thinking about taking care of your mom. again, give yourself some credit and believe that you'll accomplish your goals.

once you get your life on the right track, you probably find that your shoulders are big enough to bear some of her burden as well.

i hope all of this works out for you. if you have any questions, feel free to pm me.

 

[Constance]

Man, I feel your pain. I've undergone some horrific stress/depression/anxiety in the past. Your doctor will give you some medication that will help, but the single best thing you can do is get some exercise!
I know you don't feel like you can drag yourself out of the house, but force yourself to do it! Go take a walk...mow the yard, rake leaves, walk the dogs.

 

[Bilby]

Awful situation to find yourself in Legs. At least you have the strength of mind to tackle your issues.

As to living with your mum, I understand where you are coming from but it sounds like she should be okay without you for a short while. Can you take a holiday to somewhere quiet? No party places, just somewhere in the country or camping, somewhere that you won't be tempted and can have some time out from all the other issues surrounding you. Just a week or two. It won't solve your problems but it will give you a chance to sleep and get calmer.

Secondly, while not having your issues, I got to a point where everything was getting on top of me and my doc arranged for me to see a psych. It wasn't for me and in any case, by the time it happened, I had already started to deal with things. Do get a counsellor of some description - just someone to express yourself with. Even posting to DC seems to have improved the tone of your posts in this thread!!

Break down your problems into managable points - a huge problem is too daunting but you can tackle the nuts and bolts of it. Also think about why you drink. Stopping drinking will only happen when you can deal with the why. Same with smoking to some degree. Change habits. If you would normally have a drink in front of the tv after dinner, go for a walk after dinner instead. Take your mum with you and walk the dogs. That's good for all!!

Also write down a list of what is good in your life and leave it in a prominent place so you can see it everyday. Sometimes you need reminding as to why you need to fight.

Give yourself a small goal unrelated to your health, your mum or your marriage. Work out the reward that you will give yourself when you achieve it. It gives you something to strive to with an acknowledge bonus reward.

Definitely get into exercise of some sort.

Take things slowly and make sure you are doing this for you and your reasons and not someone else's. It is way harder if you are working to someone else's agenda. And don't forget to forgive yourself.

Think positive for long enough and it becomes just part of your life. And you know what they say, worry about the things you can change, not the things that you can't. It is very true and it helps dealing with unnecessary stress.

All the best with your struggles.

 

[*amy*]

Kudos to you for taking the first step (stopped drinking), MLB. Give yourself a mental big pat on the back. Sorry you're going through such a rough time. I'll give you some of my suggestions/insight, & see what's right for you. The symptoms you describe may or may not be stress related. I would start w a physical & blood tests. (I have anxiety/panic disorder, & an MD wanted to rule out a thyroid problem.) Given the syptoms/illnesses you describe, I would call the doc that prescribed the benzos & discuss w him/her. Certain meds should not be stopped immediately, i.e. tapered off. Rule out if these ar wd syptoms from stopping medication. I won't offer medical advice - check everything w your docs. Keep the appt w the shrink. If you have suicidal thoughts call 911 or go to an er. See how it goes w the shrink. There are Psych/MD Addiction specialists out there as well. Try a search on the web.

Doesn't sound like you have much of a support group right now. That might help. AA, any 12 step program may help w that -- at least you will not be alone. As GB has said, I don't recommend being around anyone under the influence or around alcohol. Try o get out & not isolate. Your body may take a while to mend. Before any exercise, cunsult w your doc. Walks and fresh air may help.

Re living situation - check out Mens' Sober Living Homes.

Other resources:

Recovery - Support group (for anxiety/dep - not alcohol)

EA - Emotions Anonymous - It's a 12 step

NCADA - National Council for Alcohol & Drugs

Out Patient Day Treatment - try a search on the web for a facility

Ups & Downs - Bi-polar support group (They may work w anxiety/depression as well)

You may be craving sugar - not necessarily grease. I've heard eating sweets or a tbl of sugar may help.

Vitamins may help as well. B complex, etc. - & sublingual B-12 (sold at health food stores)

This is a difficult time of year for lots of folks. Perhaps volunteer to serve/cook at a local Mission. (It may help you get out of your head/problems.)

I wish you luck & much successs on the road to recovery. Keep doing what you're doing. Hugs to you.

 

[auntdot]

Legs there is a light at the end of the tunel. There truly is.

Grew up with many alcoholics, have driven family members to rehab many times and buried some as a result of their addictions.

As such became acquinted with 12 step programs and know they are not for everyone. But I did learn two things from them that I carry with me. One is the serenity prayer which I use probably not often enough. But for me it helps get through difficult days. And the other is the idea of taking things one day at a time. And if that seems to long, an hour, or a minute.

You have a lot of DC friends. Keep writing. One of us is usually about. PM any of us, please, if you wish.

With tears running down my cheeks we are with you.

 

[Mylegsbig]

wow...thanks for all the support...this is alot to take in right now and i have some stuff to do but i will keep you all posted and THANKS SO MUCH for your support. This is the most difficult thing ive ever had to go through..believe it or not even worse than the death of my father.

 

[Bilby]

This is the most difficult thing ive ever had to go through..believe it or not even worse than the death of my father.

I would certainly believe that. Death is a reality that is out of our hands that we just have to deal with as best we can. Your situation is worse -in your own mind- because (not trying to be unkind here) of the part you yourself played in getting there. Self-recrimination is harder to deal with. That's why I say not to forget to forgive yourself. You don't need to kick yourself even more down! Just stay strong and focussed and you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. You are stronger than you think.

 

[TATTRAT]

MLB, keep your chin up. There is nothing I can offer at this time advise wise, that has not been said already. I can offer my ears anytime. I have battled my own demons and know how hard it can be, and how boredom can be a REAL p.i.t.a.

Feel free to PM me if you feel inclined to chat or whatever, I am on Hawaii time, so your late nights are afternoons here.

Stay strong, stay positive, and find the new balance in your change of lifestyle. IT is never easy, but you will get out of it what you put into it.

 

[Mylegsbig]

cheers guys.....today was much better! I kept my moms drinking down and listened to her long winded diatribes with open ears rather than being visually annoyed...you know the type of person. the type that tells a one paragraph story in about 10 pages.....yesterday was good, today was even better. also spoke with my wife and she seemed pleased, in good spirits, and cheered me up. my friend rob invited me to a barbecue at noon tommorow, first time ill see a friend since oct 31st.

things are hopefully beginning to turn around.

thanks again guys

legsbig

btw i hope when you guys see me type you dont picture that dude in my avatar. that picture is a joke, lol.

cheers.

 

[Bilby]

btw i hope when you guys see me type you dont picture that dude in my avatar. that picture is a joke, lol.

Nah, I see a Monty Python type leg sitting in front of a pc, toes tapping the keyboard madly!!

 

[Angie]

Addictions are hard, no matter what kind. Mine is to pot and prescriptions. I can't take a chance losing my family, so I have to quit. Problem is, I'm still wanting to be messed up all the time. My cravings have not gone away yet, and I've been off/on, rehab twice, psych ward (detox) once in the last 8 months. BUT, I'm stronger and stronger each day.

You can do it. It's hard but SO rewarding.

 

[Bilby]

Addictions are hard, no matter what kind. Mine is to pot and prescriptions. I can't take a chance losing my family, so I have to quit. Problem is, I'm still wanting to be messed up all the time. My cravings have not gone away yet, and I've been off/on, rehab twice, psych ward (detox) once in the last 8 months. BUT, I'm stronger and stronger each day.

You can do it. It's hard but SO rewarding.

Good luck to you too Angie. Definitely not an easy battle. My ex has had a multitude of addictions over the years. He would get off one and then replace it with something else. He recently gave up cigarettes only to replace it with something else. I wish he would strive like you have been doing. He regularly has created families and lost them, or just walked away. He doesn't care enough about anybody, including himself, to be as strong as you are. Well done for keeping it up.