You are not the boss of me - Grammar help

[Buck]

Muddy,
My favorite active/passive voice example is:
It has been deemed inappropriate to......
Okay, fair enough. We've all run into that. BUT did you ever stop to think that you never encounter that in active voice. When's the last time you asked somebody what they're doing and they told you they were in the process of deeming?
Huh? When?

 

[daisy]

'You are not the boss of me' is perfectly grammatically correct, if a little antiquated in usage.

You can say 'my boss' with equal correctness.

Here are some more examples of the possessive:

my friend's mother = the mother of my friend
your friend = the friend of you
our friend - the friend of us

In such examples, 'of' is a sort of abbreviation for 'belonging to', so these phrases could be said as

the mother belonging to my friend
the friend belonging to you
the friend belonging to us

Or, to carry it a step further, 'belonging to' can also become 'owned by', as in:

the mother owned by my friend (etc)

Of course, nobody would say that about a person, but if you're talking of other things, it can be quite correct, as in:

the car owned by my friend = the car belonging to my friend = my friend's car.

An apostrophe (') can indicate ownership (the possessive case), as in the following:

my friend's boss (the boss of my friend)
his neighbour's house (or if there is more than one neighbour it becomes 'his neighbours' house)
your husband's sister's daughter's child (the child of the daughter of the sister of your husband)

Note: there is no apostrophe in the possessive "its". Take a close look at the following sentences. The apostrophe in the second sentence indicates a missing letter. It stands for 'i', as an 'It is'. 'It' is the pronoun which stands for 'the cat'.

The cat lost its tail. It's in pain.

The rule of possessiveness has nothing to do with ending sentences with a preposition. A preposition (look at the word closely - pre-position - 'put in a place BEFORE') is different from a 'personal pronoun'.

Examples of prepositions: to, by, above, before, after, towards, of, along, and about a zillion others. Examples: 'to the shop', 'by the river', 'above your head', 'before dinner', 'after the storm', 'towards the east', 'of the family', 'along the road'.

Examples of personal pronouns: If the person is the subject of the sentence, the pronoun will be: I, you, it, he, she, they. If the person is the object of the sentence, the pronoun will be: me, you, it, him, her, them.

I (subject) gave the book to you (object).
You (subject) gave the book to her (object)
They (subject) gave the books to them (object)

Note the following sentences:

"My husband and I received gifts." (In this case, both 'my husband' and 'I' can begin the sentence, so you'd say 'My husband received gifts' or 'I received gifts'. This is a sentence with two subjects.

"Gifts were given to my husband and me." In this case, 'gifts' is the subject, and 'my husband' becomes an object', as does 'me', because they come after the verb and a preposition'. Again, you can make two sentences out of the one: 'Gifts were given to my husband'. 'Gifts were given 'to me'.

You would never say 'Gifts were given to I', or 'Me was given gifts', would you?

Equally, you'd never say 'Gifts were given to they', or 'Them were given gifts.'

The personal pronoun changes according to where it is used in a sentence.

Pronouns are used to replace nouns or names, where the use of those can become cumbersome.

"I" can replace the full name of a single person speaking about him/herself.

"You" can replace the full name of the person another person is speaking to (or to put that more grammatically correct "....to whom another person is speaking"!) As in: 'You are my friend' stands for 'The person to whom I am speaking who goes by the name of....... is my friend' (the friend of me, the friend of myself known as .....).

Pronouns can be singular or plural. A single person is 'I'. More than one person is 'we'. He, she, it are singular pronouns, and in the plural they become 'they'. 'You' singular remains 'you' plural.

When the pronouns become objects of the sentence: "I" becomes "me"; "You" remains the same; "He" becomes "him"; "she" becomes "her"; "it" becomes "them"; "we" becomes "us"; "they" becomes "them".

As in:

I am a girl. (first person singular) We are girls. (First person plural)
You are a girl. (second person singular) You are girls. (second person plural)
He is a boy. (third person singular). They are boys. (third person plural)
It is a cat. (third person singular) They are cats. (third person plural)
She is a teacher. (third person singular) They are teachers. (third person plural.)
He plays football. (third person singular). They play football. (third person plural)
He goes to school. She goes to school. They (all) go to school.

He gives the ball to him.
I give the toy to you.
They give the toy to us.
We give the toy to them.
You take the toy from me.
She takes the toy from us.
This is my toy. This is your toy. This is his toy. This is her toy. This is their toy. These are his toys. These are their toys. These are our toys.
This is the toy of me. This is the toy of you. This is thetoy of him. This is the toy of her. This is the toy of them. These are the toys belonging to him. These are the toys belonging to them. These are the toys belong to us.

PLEASE NOTE: apostrophes NEVER indicate plurals!!! potato/potatoes; jelly/jellies; mother/mothers; toy/toys; 1960s; MP3s. Etc. I cringe when I see a sign saying 'Apple's for sale'. I always ask myself 'the apple's WHAT is for sale? What belonging to the apple is being sold?

These are things I was taught in the first few years of my schooling. I studied it in much greater depth at university. It's a pity not much of this sort of thing is taught at any time these days.

 

[Barbara L]

I think what it really boils down to is that this phrase (You're not the boss of me.) was started by kids. Grammatically correct or not, they couldn't care less. It sounded like a good comeback (and obviously was, since it caught on like wildfire), so they went with it.

Barbara

 

[Buck]

daisy.
Thanks for a nice tutorial. Clearly you know your stuff. Would that many more folks did.
Buck

 

[Barbara L]

Note: there is no apostrophe in the possessive "its". Take a close look at the following sentences. The apostrophe in the second sentence indicates a missing letter. It stands for 'i', as an 'It is'. 'It' is the pronoun which stands for 'the cat'.

PLEASE NOTE: apostrophes NEVER indicate plurals!!! potato/potatoes; jelly/jellies; mother/mothers; toy/toys; 1960s; MP3s. Etc. I cringe when I see a sign saying 'Apple's for sale'. I always ask myself 'the apple's WHAT is for sale? What belonging to the apple is being sold?

I have to admit these two things drive me nuts (well a lot of things regarding grammar and language usage do, but these are a couple biggies). However, the one that sends me over the top is the incorrect usage of "I" when "me" is the correct choice. For some reason many people think that using the word "me" is poor grammar and that "I" should always be used. For instance, "Would you like to join my wife and I for dinner?" I can feel the steam building in my head already, so I'd better finish this post! LOL

Barbara

 

[Andy M.]

Daisy. thanks for that detailed explanation. The fact that I had to really concentrate to understand it makes me wish I had paid more attention in school.

 

[Katie H]

Wow, Daisy, you touched on one of my pet peeves. The incorrect use of the apostrophe. For some unknown reason folks think that when there's more than one potato it should be spelled "potatoe's." Makes me crazy. I've even seen it used in grocery store ads, etc. Using an apostrophe to pluralize makes me nuts.

I have worked as a copy editor and I always tried, nicely, to explain to those whose work I was reviewing why the apostrophe had to be inserted or removed, depending on the case. Thankfully my explanations were received well. Usually with "Oh, that's how it's done."

Fortunately I was blessed with great teacher's and instructor's whose job's were to teach me properly. (Ugh, just typing the last sentence made my fingers twitch.)

 

[GB]

Thank you all very much. This has been quite enlightening. My wife is also thrilled that she was correct

 

[GB]

I have to admit these two things drive me nuts (well a lot of things regarding grammar and language usage do, but these are a couple biggies). However, the one that sends me over the top is the incorrect usage of "I" when "me" is the correct choice. For some reason many people think that using the word "me" is poor grammar and that "I" should always be used. For instance, "Would you like to join my wife and I for dinner?" I can feel the steam building in my head already, so I'd better finish this post! LOL

Barbara

Well let me be the first to say...

Me thank you

 

[BlueCat]

... "Would you like to join my wife and I for dinner?" I can feel the steam building in my head already, so I'd better finish this post! LOL

Barbara

Hahaha! That one makes me want to bite a table!

BC

 

[suzyQ3]

"You are not the boss of me" is grammatically fine. While some have pointed out that it might be a bit more awkward than "You are not my boss," the awkwardness here, I believe, serves a purpose, especially if you're a child. Think about it. Children are "me, me, me" creatures. So the emphasis in this construction is perfect for them. But yes, it is odd-sounding and wordy, so best left for kids.

As for prepositions, the rule is that you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition. But like all rules, tedious enforcement can make for some very stilted language; e.g., "For what are you looking," instead of "What are you looking for?"

As someone already pointed out, Churchill is famous for his retort to a critic's comment about his ending sentences with prepositions, something to the effect of "That is criticism up with which I will not put." He was something, eh? When Lady Astor said, "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison," he retorted, "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it."

A worse offense, though, is ending a sentence with an unnecessary preposition, as in "Where do you live at?" For many years I taught grammar, punctuation, vocabulary, and spelling to court reporting students (all adults) who needed very strong language skills to pass the state test. I used every trick in the book to make them comfortable learning what they had either totally forgotton or, sadly more likely, had never really learned in the first place. I was not above pratfalls and relied on humor to get us all through the ordeal. So for the "Where do you live at?" problem, I would always pull out the old joke about the two women on an airplane. Unfortunately, the punch line is verboten here.

 

[auntdot]

Wow, I am truly amazed. I never realized the grammatical knowledge of folks here.

Have worked in the sciences for many years but now own many books on grammar and usage; I refer to them often. The older I get the more I want to understand the nuances of the English languaage.

Believe the answer to the initial question is that either one is acceptable.

Agree with the apostrophe controversy, with perhaps one exception.

And that is I believe an apostrophe and its associated 's' can be used to form the pleural of letters, numerals, symbols.

Thus I believe "he crossed his t's and i's is correct usage".

As should be "he writes his 2's like 3's".

Or "folks use their &'s too casually and should just spell the word".

The use of punctuation has become somewhat simplified by the press that has tried to reduce it to a minimum for economic reasons.

But I still think those uses of the apostrophe in constructing pleurals is correct.

Thanks folks, I needed this thread.

 

[Barbara L]

Well let me be the first to say...

Me thank you

LOL I was watching Wheel of Fortune tonight and a woman asked for "an 'u'!" I thought maybe I had heard it wrong, but when I asked James he said he had heard it too. Sheesh!

Barbara

 

[Andy M.]

...A worse offense, though, is ending a sentence with an unnecessary preposition, as in "Where do you live at?" ...

suzyQ3:

S.O.'s daughter and her family live in Florida where the extra preposition is a way of life. It drives me crazy!

Things such as, "Where's my book at?" make me cringe. I try to correct the kids but don't see them enough to make it stick.


auntdot:

The unnecessary apostrophes (apostrophe's) are another pet peeve. What is the justification for their being used in your examples?

 

[suzyQ3]

suzyQ3:

S.O.'s daughter and her family live in Florida where the extra preposition is a way of life. It drives me crazy!

Things such as, "Where's my book at?" make me cringe. I try to correct the kids but don't see them enough to make it stick.


auntdot:

The unnecessary apostrophes (apostrophe's) are another pet peeve. What is the justification for their being used in your examples?

Andy M, regarding auntdot's apostrophes: In the old days, an apostrophe was used routinely to pluralize letters, abbreviations, and numbers. If you still prefer to do so, it is a matter of style.

The newer style, however, is to use an apostrophe only if clarity is at risk. In other words, if one is pluralizing lowercase letters, one would use an apostrophe. Lowercase abbreviations demand an apostrophe. If one is pluralizing an uppercase abbreviation or acronym that would, without an apostrophe, look like a word, one would use an apostrophe. In any case in which pluralizing a letter or abbreviation would create confusion, then use an apostrophe. Otherwise, forgo the apostrophe, and that would include the pluralizing of digits.

I highly recommend the Gregg Reference Manual.

 

[skilletlicker]

I thought I'd mention this. In spite of the strong opinions expressed in this thread, I can't recall a single instance of any poster's grammar, punctuation, or spelling being directly criticized. I participate in a forum about the Memphis Grizzlies and am strongly tempted to post examples from there of fractured English and brutally direct criticism, often in the same post.

Thanks to everyone for so patiently tolerating my many errors.

By the way, how about somebody starting a tutorial thread about punctuation, especially the use of the comma.

 

[Dove]

Wow!! My head is spinning. Lets just sum it all up with

GB,
I'm glad you like us proper Grammers....

 

[skilletlicker]

...It's such a mobile language - nothing stays the same for long. But, there are some rules that are unbreakable, and I'll fight to my last gasp to uphold them! ...

I think we can get away with a lot of rule-breaking in conversation, but when it's in print, I think we should be a little more careful.
...

In the context of your comments, I believe posts in a forum such as this one fall into the conversation category. Don't you agree?

 

[XeniA]

Sorry, there are NO exceptions to the lack of apostrophes in plurals.

You should mind your Ps and Qs, and cross all your Ts and dot all your Is. And you should line up in 2s and 3s, and not use too many &s.

Ah, but there are experts who do not agree with you, who'd say there's never a hard and fast rule where clarity's at stake:

Apostrophes are often used to create plurals. Use an apostrophe when its omission (er, I mean the omission of it) would confuse the reader, such as "Jimmy gets all straight As." Huh? So, okay, he gets straight A's. But he can certainly learn his ABCs, rather than his ABC's. No confusion, no apostrophe.

The link to that quote (a very clearly written page in general) is: Tools of the Trade

 

[XeniA]

"You are not the boss of me" is grammatically fine. While some have pointed out that it might be a bit more awkward than "You are not my boss," the awkwardness here, I believe, serves a purpose, especially if you're a child. Think about it. Children are "me, me, me" creatures. So the emphasis in this construction is perfect for them. But yes, it is odd-sounding and wordy, so best left for kids.

I found a couple of comments on the differences between these structures which I thought were relevant. Both agreed that the "of" structure was equivalent to the "my" (or other possessive) structure, but that each could subtly change the meaning of the sentence. Here's the first comment:

"Always be aware of the meaning you wish to convey, whether the object of an action or the possessor of an object. Compare "Jim's painting" and "the painting of Jim's." Did he paint it? Or does he own it?"

The other comment gave these two examples:

1. "The name of the dog"
2. "The dog's name"

noting that there was a difference in emphasis with the two structures, the first emphasizing the name and the second, the dog.

Seems to me this could easily be applied to "the boss of me" and "my boss," the first emphasizing -- as kids would wish to! -- that the person they're speaking to isn't their boss, i.e., that they're equals ("you're not the boss of me").

The use of "you're not my boss" on the other hand, doesn't negate the possibility that the person they're speaking to is a boss, but emphasizes either that that person isn't the boss of the speaker per se ("you're not my boss"), or, that the relationship the two people have is not that of boss and subordinate ("you're not my boss").

I admit they're awfully close, however, and I really think you'd need to hear the spoken emphasis (or use italics in writing) to be absolutely certain of the meaning!

I was not above pratfalls and relied on humor to get us all through the ordeal. So for the "Where do you live at?" problem, I would always pull out the old joke about the two women on an airplane. Unfortunately, the punch line is verboten here.

Completely unfair, you tease, you!