Eating Etiquette

[StirBlue]

I believe that American etiquette at the dining table would best be described as eating modestly.

I took some simple shishkebobs to work once (meatball, tomato, mushroom, cube cheese) that were fully cooked and ready to serve. It was probably a potluck buffet type meal. I was surprised when people ate them by gnawing the food off the stick. Are you not supposed to push the food off the stick onto your plate and eat with a fork?

Of course we eat our spaghetti with a spoon and fork; we've got places to go and people to see. (I know there is another thread about this).

When I first came to Illinois, my father-in-law gave me a quick crash course for eating whole fried fish. How to remove the fin/bone section and enjoy the fish.

That cheese fondue thread has me thinking about this. How do you best serve yourself (forks for dipping, I know) but do you take one piece or two? I don't want to go into people using a ladle to fill their plates and tossing bread on top and using the fondue fork to eat it.

 

[VeraBlue]

I love this thread, already. I'm a victorian at heart, so etiquette is a passion.

Correctly, one should never be served food on a stick. However, it's all the rage, lately. Manners had to be created. If you are at a bbq and the host is preparing kabobs, they should not simply be left on a platter for everyone to help themselves to. Rather, the host brings one to each guest, and deftly dislodges the cooking stick from the food onto a plate, hopefully in an artistic fashion. In your case, I might not have brought the kabobs to a potluck dinner unless I was sure seating would be provided. Barring the presence of an official host, the guest should dislodge the food from the stick with a fork, sliding it down the stick, depositing the food on the plate. Both hands are needed for this procedure, hence a seat being necessary. I would have opted for a meal that wouldn't require any more dexterity than manuevering through a crowd with a plate.

Spoons are not a necessary tool for consuming spaghetti. While they aid in the twirling process, they are not necessary if a more managable number of strands are woven between the tines, initially. Twirl as much as the fork will hold, and then bring the fork to the mouth. The head can be lowerd to the fork, but not overmuch. Don't resemble a colt going to the water trough. Put the fork into the mouth, and invariably, a few strands will loosen at the end. In one quick movement, move the fork from the mouth to beneath the loose strands, holding them away from the chin, and gently suck them in without opening your mouth to a gaping maw. With practice, your chin will never get soiled.

I was taught to put a mouthful of fish into the mouth, and discretely chew initially with the front teeth, looking for bones. If you discove a bone, discretely remove it with your fingers after your tongue discretely pushed it to the lips, and then simply place it on the edge of your plate. Some things you simply cannot hide, but can attend to with grace.

Fondue....Everyone is given a coloured fork, yes? Guests should also be given a knife and an eating fork, as well. The fun of fondue is to dip the long pretty fork into the gooey pot. Who wants to use a ladle?? On the other hand, who wants to take home every bacteria that is lodged firmly in the mouths of every other guest sitting about the pot?? The long fork is simply for dipping. After you have sufficiently gathered up the sauce on your personal tidbit, lift your fork out of the pot. Instead of bringing the dripping mass to your plate, take your plate to the fork which is hovering over the hot pot like Joe over the volcano. Then, return them, together to the table. Use your eating fork to dislodge the food from the spearing fork without touching tine to tine. Eat with the small fork.

I do so love this...

 

[skilletlicker]

StirBlue, thanks for the thread and VeraBlue, thanks for your comments. I look forward to reading all the future posts herein, just in case I should ever find myself in polite company.

 

[StirBlue]

I am thinking fondue on a table with many other foods. Should you place a spoon or something nearby for people wishing to retrieve lost bread (or other items) from the pot. I know your not supposed to use one chip to get another one out of the dip.

I have been terrorized for cutting sandwiches in half when serving them. Two halves on a plate with fries or chips. But never with fruit cocktail.

 

[StirBlue]

just in case I should ever find myself in polite company.

I have no reason to hold a grudge against anyone drinking out of the jug, carton, pitcher, in their home. It's not a wrongful thing so much as a preference.......then one day, somebody burped in the jug. Need I say more?

 

[boufa06]

Good advice, Vera!

 

[Jenyfari]

Here in Australia we are so used to barbeques and kebabs that we just eat the meat off the skewer. When you have to stand up and eat that is often the only easy way.

Having said that though, when I am in a restaurant I will generally use the fork to take the meat off the skewer as do a lot of people. But it is no big deal to see someone in a restaurant eating straight from the skewer.

 

[VeraBlue]

I am thinking fondue on a table with many other foods. Should you place a spoon or something nearby for people wishing to retrieve lost bread (or other items) from the pot. I know your not supposed to use one chip to get another one out of the dip.

I have been terrorized for cutting sandwiches in half when serving them. Two halves on a plate with fries or chips. But never with fruit cocktail.

Generally, fondue is served to a small gathering, with eveyone sitting about the pot. If the fondue is on a buffet table, then the dipping forks should still be present. If a piece of bread drops off the fork, simply use the same fork to retreive it.

There is no reason not to use one chip to retreive a broken chip from a dip bowl if you are the one who broke it. I doubt a spoon would be closer than another chip. It would be more polite to clean the playing field for the next consumer rather than go wandering off looking for a spoon to handle what a chip could deal with quicker. If the broken chip wasn't yours, and someone else left it behind, then yes, I'd suggest looking for a utensil to remove it, discarding it onto a clean plate and taking it to the kitchen discretely.

I don't understand the cutting of sandwiches being a problem. If you are preparing a luncheon and serving sandwiches, of course you'd cut the sandwich. Why would you hand a guest something unmanagable? I would do this in the kitchen, however, and not at the table. Also, any accompaniment to a sandwich is good form. Nowhere is it written that it must be a 'starch'. However, if you chose to serve a light fruit cocktail, it should be placed in a small bowl, or even on a lettuce leaf, so the juice from the fruit did not run to the bread.

 

[urmaniac13]

When it comes to kebobs, it all depends, IMO. Like if you are at the comfort of your own home with families or casual friends, what is wrong with taking a hearty bite out of a skewer... however if you are among a little more proper crowd, it would be safe to use forks... the same goes with many other things, watermelon comes to my mind...

With fondue, our fondue set do have the long forks with coloured handle, like Vera suggested. Which is a good idea I agree. Also we use tiny dishes for each to use, so the cheese won't drip all over the place between the pot and mouth.

No one uses a spoon to eat spaghetti in Italy. Many people are quite deft at neatly twirling a biteful on a fork at the edge of the pasta dish (they are semi deep, so you can push the fork agains it for this purpose), some people just twirl the half dishful onto a fork and gobble it down, some people just slurp them up, but never a spoon.

Also in Italy, aside from a street take away pizzeria where you buy them by a slice (here they usually fold the slice in two to make a "sandwich"), at a table people eat their pizzas with knife and fork, very rarely they grab a slice by hand. It took me a while before I realized this, and while no one say anything, it makes me feel a little barbaric.... thus I learned to eat with knife and fork if I do eat them in a restaurant... however we rarely do... we prefer our own homemade pizza at home!

 

[YT2095]

I was taught to put a mouthful of fish into the mouth, and discretely chew initially with the front teeth, looking for bones. If you discove a bone, discretely remove it with your fingers after your tongue discretely pushed it to the lips, and then simply place it on the edge of your plate. Some things you simply cannot hide, but can attend to with grace.

and if you`re lucky enough to get some Larger Bones you can use one later to pick your teeth with

I`m a firm beleiver in not wasting anything.

 

[RPCookin]

No one uses a spoon to eat spaghetti in Italy. Many people are quite deft at neatly twirling a biteful on a fork at the edge of the pasta dish (they are semi deep, so you can push the fork agains it for this purpose), some people just twirl the half dishful onto a fork and gobble it down, some people just slurp them up, but never a spoon.

Also in Italy, aside from a street take away pizzeria where you buy them by a slice (here they usually fold the slice in two to make a "sandwich"), at a table people eat their pizzas with knife and fork, very rarely they grab a slice by hand. It took me a while before I realized this, and while no one say anything, it makes me feel a little barbaric.... thus I learned to eat with knife and fork if I do eat them in a restaurant... however we rarely do... we prefer our own homemade pizza at home!

My wife and I discovered both of these during the 3 weeks we spent in Italy last summer. We had a pizza supper party with an Italian family in Varese, with home made pizza cooked in Alberto's wood-fired oven. Delicious food and wine, a wonderful time, and the pizza was always eaten with knife and fork.

And we never, ever saw any Italians in any restaurant using a spoon for assistance with any sort of long pasta.

 

[Half Baked]

Here's a book that might help...

The Mere Mortal's Guide to Fine Dining by Colleen Rush

I will buy this.

 

[TATTRAT]

In Asia I know you CAN slurp, in Turkey you CAN burp, the only thing that drives me bonkers is when people eat with thier elbows on the table.

And all I can think about is the Double Dip episode of Sienfield whenever there is a "dip" involved.

 

[buckytom]

double dipping bothers me, as well as someone inviting themselves to something on my plate and jamming their hands into my food.

chewing with your mouth open, or sitting down to dinner wearing a ratty baseball cap (unless you're at a game or outdoors) are about the only other things that bug me of eating ettiquette.

 

[TATTRAT]

my mom would flip if I wore a hat at the table.

As for the elbow thing, my grandmother would always recite this poem:
"Mable, Mable, if you're able
keep your elbows OFF the table
for this is not a horses stable
but a decent dinning table"

Goes to show, it stuck with me!

 

[BreezyCooking]

I always use a fork to slide grilled kebab foods onto plates, EXCEPT for small appetizer-size bamboo skewers (like used in Satay chicken, etc.) where the meat cubes are bite-sized & the meat is obviously meant to be eaten right off the skewer. These types of kebabs are meant to be eaten off the bamboo skewer & are sold as "street food" in many countries.

 

[Katie H]

Love this thread. Many years ago when our 5 children were just leaving the nest, we used to have a once-a-month weekend dinner we called "Dinner Sunday." I don't remember if it was the last Sunday of the month or the first one. In either case, the children were always present because they were usually broke by that time of the month.

On these Sundays, the meal was always multiple courses and served with the best linens, china, glassware and silver. It was always fun and Buck and I took this opportunity to instill/reinforce proper dining etiquette and to introduce different kinds of cuisine to them. The "different" cuisine wasn't so new to them because I always prepared a wide range of fare as they were growing up.

As a result, proper table manners were learned, correct silverware etiquette, etc. No elbows were allowed and yes, Bucky, no one was allowed to wear a hat at the table. That makes me crazy, too.

All the children are big people now and can hold their own at the most elegant of occasions. For a time, our daughter dated a guy who had ties to the Washington, DC embassy circle, which put her in some unusually ritzy situations. She always felt confident and made Buck and me proud of how she represented our family.

IMO common good manners have been tossed out and I think they should be brought back.

 

[philso]

my mom would flip if I wore a hat at the table.

As for the elbow thing, my grandmother would always recite this poem:
"Mable, Mable, if you're able
keep your elbows OFF the table
for this is not a horses stable
but a decent dinning table"

Goes to show, it stuck with me!

and that's exactly why any well-bred horse is provided with a feed bag, to prevent any necessity of their needing to put their elbows on the table!

 

[philso]

observing proper etiquette in a fine dining establishment is all fine and well, but must our every waking moment be a test of social rectititude? i think it's a sad state of affairs if, after having your nose to the grindstone all day, you can't sit at your own table, with the people you're most intimate with, and simply relax and enjoy a meal. must we also sit properly and attend to good posture while sitting on the sofa or attending to the calls of nature?

i'm all for the relaxation of most so-called etiquette and feel that simply being considerate of others is all that is necessary to be well-mannered. i like stirblue's description of american table manners as "eating modestly" but i'd like to add "eating in a relaxed manner" too. we don't mind passing our forks back and forth from left to right. it's not only more comfortable, but gives us more time to enjoy the meal and the company.

of course i'm not advocating slovenliness or unhygenic displays of body fluids. poise at the table is a very fine thing indeed, but a spirit of poise and grace is more important than strict observance of artificial points of etiquette.

other than heading off to the bedroom with someone, you can't get much more intimate with people than breaking bread with them. and what's more intimate at the table than leaning over with your elbows on the table? both of them.

at a wedding or a nice restaurant, it's nice to know the finer points of cutlery and table service, not to be able to distinguish yourself from an oaf, but because it's fun. my own sentiment, as an ex-chef with many years at "fine dining" establishments, is that i wish people would take etiquette less seriously, and remember what fun it is to eat with your best friends at a dress up pretend tea party.

tattrat, i hope you can learn to put your elbows on the table at home.

 

[Shunka]

double dipping bothers me, as well as someone inviting themselves to something on my plate and jamming their hands into my food.

chewing with your mouth open, or sitting down to dinner wearing a ratty baseball cap (unless you're at a game or outdoors) are about the only other things that bug me of eating ettiquette.

Oh Bucky, How I soooo agree with this!! None of this is allowed even at home here. Might I add making awful noises while eating too? Still working on the hubby for that! His father was a very dignified eater, always used a fork and knife to eat fried chicken. Now his mother, that is a different story; it is not pleasant to see a woman walk around for hours after a BBQ with sauce from ear to ear (shudder!). Napkins (wet and dry) were provided and yet she would not wipe her face. Common-sense manners and courtesy are sooo missing these days!