Today's Funny

[Kylie1969]

I called hotel management from the hotel room and said,, “Please, come quick. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’ll jump out the window of your hotel”.
“That is a personal matter”. answered the hotel manager.
“Sod you!” I screamed. “The window won’t open so that’s a maintenance matter.”

 

[MrsLMB]

 

[Cooking Goddess]

MrsLMB! Reminds me of the kids' song
do your ears hang low - YouTube

At my age this song can now be sung with a different part of the anatomy...

 

[taxlady]

MrsLMB! Reminds me of the kids' song
do your ears hang low - YouTube

At my age this song can now be sung with a different part of the anatomy...

I've sung that one. It seemed funnier when I was younger, when the answer was "no".

 

[Kylie1969]

 

[MrsLMB]

 

[Kylie1969]

I did check too

 

[Zereh]

hahah Lotsa great ones today!!

Please tell me I'm not the only one to try and verify that earlobe factoid ...

 

[Kylie1969]

 

[purple.alien.giraffe]

That's kind of how my brain always is at bed time. Although it's not always questions about penguins. Sometimes it's questions okapis.

 

[Kylie1969]

Duck walks into a bar. Says to the bar tender, "I'd like to buy some peanuts." Bar tender says, "Sorry, don't sell peanuts." The duck leaves.

Next day, duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts." Bar tender replies, "I already told you I don't sell peanuts!" The duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts!" Bar tender yells back, "I told you, I don't sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I'll nail you to the wall!" So the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "Do you have any nails?" Bar tender says, "Sorry, don't have nails." Duck asks, "Do you have any peanuts?"

 

[Kylie1969]

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

 

[MrsLMB]

 

[Kylie1969]

 

[Addie]

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

Kylie you certainly come up with some really good ones.

 

[Kylie1969]

Thank you Ads

 

[Addie]

Teddy does this as soon as he sees the large lawn outside our property. Spike has to drag him the whole length until they get to the blacktop. Only he is on his belly with legs outstretched. To him it is a game he likes to play with Spike. Not so much for Spike!

 

[Kylie1969]

That is so funny Ads...it is funny how some dogs just dont feel up for a walk sometimes...like us I guess

 

[taxlady]

A Newfoundlander was visiting a Texan. The Texan was bragging about how big his ranch was. "See all that land, it's mine. I could get in my truck and drive for three days and barely get all the way around it." The Newfoundlander replied, "I have a truck like that."

 

[Addie]

A Newfoundlander was visiting a Texan. The Texan was bragging about how big his ranch was. "See all that land, it's mine. I could get in my truck and drive for three days and barely get all the way around it." The Newfoundlander replied, "I have a truck like that."

Good One!