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Old 02-01-2018, 04:23 AM   #8101
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Old 02-01-2018, 05:46 AM   #8102
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Guitar faces
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Old 02-08-2018, 10:53 AM   #8103
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:34 PM   #8104
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This is a good one!
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:37 PM   #8105
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This is a good one!
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:47 PM   #8106
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Here is another
There was a Scottish painter named Gavin Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Gavin put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...

Well, Gavin was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking him clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by tell-tale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Gavin was no fool. He knew this was a judgement from the Almighty, So he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..
.
.
.
.
.
.
(wait for it...)
.
.
.
.
.


"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:06 PM   #8107
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Old 02-08-2018, 06:17 PM   #8108
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Souschef, I love them both.
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Old 02-09-2018, 04:48 PM   #8109
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Apparently you can't uses beef stew as a password.







It's not stroganoff.
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Old 02-09-2018, 05:26 PM   #8110
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Apparently you can't uses beef stew as a password.







It's not stroganoff.
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Old 02-10-2018, 11:30 AM   #8111
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"Do you remember the first time we made love together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:26 PM   #8112
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No translation necessary
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:49 PM   #8113
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oh boy....

what did I do wrong?

could a mod please delete?
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:56 PM   #8114
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I don't think you did anything wrong, dragn. Is it because the video doesn't show up when you look? While I couldn't watch the video when I was on my tablet, it played just fine on my laptop. And it was hilarious! I wish I was younger and more agile - I would be greatly tempted to do that to crosswalk nibblers.
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Old 02-12-2018, 08:01 PM   #8115
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Heh-heh, Poetic Justice

I guess he'll know better next ti... Never mind.

Suspected Poacher Eaten by Lions in South Africa
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Old 02-12-2018, 09:21 PM   #8116
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yup CG - all I get is a black screen saying it will show in 30 seconds all the music plays - then it goes back to "play"

but it doesn't matter if you all can see it 'cause I already have - and it's still funny!
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Old 02-12-2018, 09:27 PM   #8117
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I guess he'll know better next ti... Never mind.

Suspected Poacher Eaten by Lions in South Africa
Absolutely right! Poetic Justice says there won't BE a next time! at least for that guy - hopefully they will put up a display to deter future sacrificed poachers.

Hey now! there's a good sign - Poachers will become afternoon tea... for the lions.
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Old 02-12-2018, 09:36 PM   #8118
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The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, “papers?”

I said, “ Scissors, I win” and drove off.

I think he wants a re-match he’s been following me for 45 minutes.
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Old 02-12-2018, 09:58 PM   #8119
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I guess he'll know better next ti... Never mind.

Suspected Poacher Eaten by Lions in South Africa
Not lions, but I imagine them like this:

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Old 02-13-2018, 11:13 AM   #8120
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So I was at the bar last night and the waitress screamed...

"Anyone know CPR?"

I said "Hell, I know the entire alphabet."

Everyone laughed... well everyone except this one guy.
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