Alcoholism.

[Dove]

Keep up the good work Bangbang. We are behind you 100%.

Corey,
Your friend is lucky to have you but this can take a toll on you. Take care of yourself.
Marge~Dove

 

[Corey123]

Keep up the good work Bangbang. We are behind you 100%.

Corey,
Your friend is lucky to have you but this can take a toll on you. Take care of yourself.
Marge~Dove

Thank you so much!!

Yes, this is also an upscale battle for the helper / friend as well as for the victim of alcoholism.

They sometimes unkowingly reject the efforts of the person who is trying to help them and can suddenly lash out at them for no reason. In an almost mad fit of rage, an alcoholic can temporarily turn on his best friend or loved one for almost no apparent reason.

Daquan's mind being poisoned that night is an all-too-familar classic example of that. As if he was bitten by a poisonous snake or spider, his mind just snapped and went completely into a tailspin and his attitude had changed. If you are helping someone try to get off alcohol, be prepared, as in BangBang's case with his parents - remember, that the victim can turn against you for no reason and start accusing you of things that you are not at fault for!!

I was devastated and embarrassed when Daquan got drunk at the restaurant!!
Especially after he told me earlier in the day that he wouldn't let me down and get drunk there! I couldn't do or say anytrhing to him there except to try to console him and be there for him.

And since his mind got poisoned and he started in on me, the argument had escelated and I just let him have it full force!! Of course, I didn't hit him or anything like that. I'm not a violent person.

But as a dear and true friend to him, I just had to let him know right to his face point blank, that he had embarrassed and dissapointed me at the restaurant. I was calm while we were there and would have let it go if he had not turned on me later in the evening!

As I was crying my heart out over the meltdown I suffered because of Daquan's drunken attitude suddenly changing on me, I DID hear his girlfriend tell him that I was crying and that if he doesn't stop getting mad with me for no reason, that he would lose me as his friend. But I'm very strong, and it would take a whole lot for me to just give up on him like that.

He's even told me the same thing - that he's lucky to have me as a friend, and that if we had not met, he would still be standing on the streets begging for money. I've been giving him some money to help him get by with a few things. We DID however, form a pact and bond to be friends for life.

He's alright now. We shook hands, hugged and made up that same night. I asked him that if I ever do anything that he does not like, to please tell me when he's sober and not while he's drunk. And that he say it in a calm manner in private. He now realises how much I hurt from his alcohol addiction, and told me that he doesn't want to hurt me because of that.

I've always been honest and up front with him, as I am with everyone else. Hopefully, it will stay with him.


~Corey123.

 

[Bangbang]

I've lost 20 pounds, so far!


~Corey123.

Congrats. Keep up the good work. I am feeling pretty good. Went to see the shrink today. She was real pleased that I stopped drinking. Got some more meds just incase I get into trouble.

 

[Corey123]

Thank you!!

I'm happy to report that my dear friend has successfully checked himself into a detox center today. He will be there for at least 4 or 5 days.

When it almost came time for us to separate and for him to be taken to his sleeping quarters for the time that he'll spend there, I told him that I'll miss him for those days and broke down and cried!! I know that he needs the help badly. That being there for a few days will help him get it, but I just couldn't fight back the tears and cried uncontrollably!!!

We grabbed and hugged each other and he said softly; "Don't cry my brother. This is what you've been trying to help me do. And I'm very thankful to have you as my best friend and that you really care about me, that you're helping me try to beat this.
I'll be out and back sharing good times with you soon. Don't cry, my dear brother." I hugged him tightly and cried even more!!! "I love you," I told him. He gave the same answer back. Still in tears, sadly, I said to him; " See you when you get out, my dear brother." It really broke my heart to have to leave him there!! I lost it all and wept uncontrollably as I left the grounds! It was so **** hard for me to leave him there and I knew that I couldn't hold back the tears. I literally cried on his shoulders!!

He knows that we'll miss each other dearly those few days, and that I already do miss him, during this time, but he also knows that it will also give us both the satisfaction and happiness to see him get the help that he so desparately needs. But it will be awfully lonesome without him around for the next few days!!

When he gets out, I'll happily welcome him back home with open arms!!! And I'll continue to help him and support him with all of the care and understanding that he needs.

I sincerely hope that he does not revert back to drinking so much again. It will take at least a few days for him to dry out.

He'll get counsiling, care, guidance and understanding, as well as educational values on the dangers of acute alcoholism. He'll also attend AA group meetings where he'll get to share with others, his past bouts with constant alcohol abuse.

Yesterday, the doctor who tested his blood told him that the numbers for his liver are very high, and that he's setting himself up for the slow process of clerosis of the liver. I think that might have scared him to death. I, also, told him about the dangers of constant alcohol abuse

Hopefully, he'll change his lifestyle and stay away from alcohol for good, or at least have just one beer now and then. Now I gotta try to get his girfriend to do the same. She's going to be much tougher to try to turn around!!!! She flatly refuses to go into detox!!


~Corey123.

 

[kitchenelf]

That's good news Corey - 4 - 5 days is a good start - it may not be long enough to actually change things but could be the much needed wake-up call. It sounds like I'm just the bearer of bad news but I think other people will agree that 4 - 5 days may not do it. Watch him after and make sure he's not "overly" excited because he is doing so well. My friend did that and he wasn't doing well at all. He at least realizes he needs help and that's a huge start. Hugs to you!!!

 

[Corey123]

Thank you so much!!!

I just talked to to him. He just called me and said that he's beginning to see the benefits of getting the help that he needs.

I'm pulling for him all the way. But his girlfriend seems to be digging up bad stuff against him from the past. I was totally pissed at her for doing that, especially after he wanted to talk to her as well!!

I called him back and begged him not to let that bother him. He said that he cut it short and said that he'll talk to her later. But I told him that with or without her, I'm going to get over there Sunday evening to visit him for an hour!!!!!

I'm all he's got right now!! And I'm going to be there for him to help him get through this. He knows that I care about him very deeply.


Corey123.

 

[kitchenelf]

Good for you Corey. Sounds like this girl isn't what he needs right now. Do you think he will realize that? He needs support now (just what you're giving him). He will be so happy to see you, and of course you, him. You're a good friend.

 

[Corey123]

Thank you so much for those kind words, kitchenelf!!

It makes me feel real good to know that there are people like you out there who can give ME the encouragement to try and help out a friend who otherewise has no other support for him!!

I'm hoping that he'll realise it. That his girlfriend is just a setback for him, and that she only seems to want to bring him down. And yes, he DOES need all the support that he can get!!! I'm with him all the way. He's been getting it from me. He knows that I'm his friend for life. I love him and I treat him as though he's very my own brother!!! That's part of what being a dear and true friend to him is all about!

I truly hated to have to part with him yesterday, which is why I cried so emmotionally yesterday!! We've shared some good times together already so far!!

The training program that he's in during the week, had suggested that he check into detox because he failed the breathylizer test twice, which they also said that his urine also had traces of alcohol in it. I helped him get in.

His girlfriend doesn't really do much to help him curb his drinking, like I do, since she's an alcoholic herself. She gets drunk and wants to fight (argue with him or me). This is what I touched on in the post above near the top of this page. That alcoholics get drunk and then their attitude goes into a tailspin and they just start lashing out at the wrong people! If she loves Daquan as much as she says she does, then she should start trying to help him get off alcohol - not contnue to bring him down and or entice him into drinking again. And also, SHE should start trying to get help for herself and stop making lame excuses for herself.

I'm a true friend to Daquan and his girlfriend. He acknowlleges that very well. Outside of going to my new job to sign the final paperwork for employment Tueday, I was with him for the whole time that he was in the emergency room to the time we hugged each other yesterday after he checked into the detox center.

His girfriend was in the same hospital herself for a biopsy that day, but when she was let go yesterday afternoon, nothing much had changed with her!!

She wants HIM to stop drinking, which he should and seems willing to do so now, but she's not trying to stop drinking to excess herself!! So you know how that goes. She SAYS that she'll stop, but both you, myself and others know that action speaks louder than words. At least Daquan has BEGUN the healing process.

I think and sincerely hope that Daquan soon wakes up and realises that he's just wasting his time with her, gives her an ultimatum and puts his foot down. He should tell her that she needs to straighten up and fly right or he'll walk out of her life for good!!

One thing that a recovering alcoholic DOES NOT need is a mate who is also in the same boat!! That is, if HE is trying to seek treatment from alcoholism, then so should SHE!!

There are much better women out there who would be glad to have Daquan and treat him like a true friend and a human being!!!

Technically and truly, he has no one else that he can rely on but me. I figure that the more support he gets from me, the more drive he'll have to kick his drinking habit to boot!!

And yes, he WILL be estatically happy to see me, as well as me being so estatically happy to see him, and I AM a good friend to him!! This is the first step in helping him get on the road to recovery and off of his alcohol addiction. He needs me for support, and I have no problem at all with helping him try to rebuild his self-esteem, pride and respect.

Four or five days in detox might not sound like much to some people, but it CERTAINLY CAN make a difference between staying on a dependency and becoming a healthy person, and it IS a good sign. At least he's not on drugs addiction, which would have made it much harder to deal with during the drying out process.

He knows that as long as he's in the program that he's in, and that as long as he's on probation, he MUST stay clean (alcohol-free), or he'll be ordered to go before the judge again and could go back to jail for a month. I don't want that to happen to him either!!!

And once a person who has abused himself or herself with any type of substance abuse, and is on the road to recovery, and they eventually overcome their addictions, giving them the continued support does not stop! They STILL need love, friendship, guidance and understanding as well as any help and support to keep them on the straight-and-narrow.

This is what I wanted to, and should have tried to do for my dear late brother. But at least I got a second chance now to try to help out a dear friend who has latched onto me for friendship, support, brotherly love and guidance, something that he never seemed to have gotten from his siblings and parents.

I will be there there to continually support Daquan through thick and thin, good times and bad - to mentor him, not let him go astray and try to keep him on track. I think he needs me now more than ever.

And I WILL NOT DRINK ANY ALCOHOL in front of him either!!! But at the same time, he MUST develop and maintain the willpower to turn it down. I think he'll be just fine and do the right thing! For I'm really pulling for him and I have faith in him.


~Corey123.

 

[mjohnson]

To Corey123, I am a wife of an ex-alcholic. We have been married for 32 years. We have known each other since high school. We got married when we were both 22 years old. My husband was drinking form the start of our marriage, and as the years went by he progressed to a full blown alcholic drinking soon as his eyes opened till he closed them at night!!!. I got tired of his drinking, tired of being his mother, babying him making excuses for him... I could go on and on. I told him I would no longer put up with his drinking, that I loved him and would always love him but I was through with him (I had gotten up that morning and packed his clothes, they were sitting at the front door) He looked at me and asked what was going on, I told him I meant what I said go get some help!!!! he went to a V.A hospital that day.....He slipped a couple of times before he finally got clean, but that has been over 14 years ago!!!!!! we are still together and life couldn't be sweeter!!!!! So corey do as Chef june said, step back as an enabler and be firm if he wants you as a friend ( which you truly are, he has to do this on his on, when he's ready, he's got to be ready to do it) Keep the faith Corey... if he cannot help his self you have got to step away!!!!! so that you can keep your own sanity!!!! I hope this gives you some hope,... tough love... , tough love. Take it from someone whose been there.

 

[Chef_Jen]

Corey

You want to be a help?? go to ALANON.. My best friend is an alcholic.. I say is because even though he is T-total he is and alwyas will be an alcholic. (just one in recovery)

Anyway i went to alanon its a program for friends families and lovers of alcholics.. I live practice and preach the 12 promises of AA.. (not the steps but the promises) and i find them helpful for a lot of situations

Anyway if you want to learn all about how to help and how to deal with the emotional blackmail and emotional rollercoaster your about to take then i suggest finding a local meeting. Because there is nothing worse then being told "your the reason i drink" "why wont you let me have one just one" "You are the worse person i know I hate you". These are things I had to get use to.... but at the same time i had to know HOW to walk away from it. Not let him abuse me like that.

Friends are the hardest.

I went 2 a week.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

 

[Corey123]

Thank you all for your concerns!!

Yes, he MUJST have the will to do some of those things on his own. And yes, I CAN'T watch him every minute, for he will have the choice of staying on the road to recovery or derailing and going back to his old drinking ways.

But I'll STILL give him encouragement. He's never told me that I'm the reason that he drinks. But this will be the biggest test of all, I think. Will he be able to stop drinking? Time will tell.


~Corey123.

 

[Bangbang]

Thank you all for your concerns!!

Yes, he MUJST have the will to do some of those things on his own. And yes, I CAN'T watch him every minute, for he will have the choice of staying on the road to recovery or derailing and going back to his old drinking ways.

But I'll STILL give him encouragement. He's never told me that I'm the reason that he drinks. But this will be the biggest test of all, I think. Will he be able to stop drinking? Time will tell.


~Corey123.

Never stop encouraging him.....DO NOT berate him about his drinking....it just makes it worse.

 

[Corey123]

I DO plan to continue to encourage him, and I have no intention whatsoever of berating or trash-talking him about his drinking.

One thing that I WON'T do is to berate him. That would defeat the whole purpose of the help from me that he will continue to need and appreciate!! I'd NEVER want him angry with me!!

I've said things to him in a friendly calm manner in a way so that he listens and understands me with patience and care. I've kindly let him know that he may make a few mistakes, and that I'd NEVER degrade or belittle him.

He knows deeply, that I will help him try to improve on his bad points while helping him boost his moral and self-confidence.


~Corey123.

 

[Corey123]

To Corey123, I am a wife of an ex-alcholic. We have been married for 32 years. We have known each other since high school. We got married when we were both 22 years old. My husband was drinking form the start of our marriage, and as the years went by he progressed to a full blown alcholic drinking soon as his eyes opened till he closed them at night!!!. I got tired of his drinking, tired of being his mother, babying him making excuses for him... I could go on and on. I told him I would no longer put up with his drinking, that I loved him and would always love him but I was through with him (I had gotten up that morning and packed his clothes, they were sitting at the front door) He looked at me and asked what was going on, I told him I meant what I said go get some help!!!! he went to a V.A hospital that day.....He slipped a couple of times before he finally got clean, but that has been over 14 years ago!!!!!! we are still together and life couldn't be sweeter!!!!! So corey do as Chef june said, step back as an enabler and be firm if he wants you as a friend ( which you truly are, he has to do this on his on, when he's ready, he's got to be ready to do it) Keep the faith Corey... if he cannot help his self you have got to step away!!!!! so that you can keep your own sanity!!!! I hope this gives you some hope,... tough love... , tough love. Take it from someone whose been there.

Sorry to hear that you were pushed to your breaking point, but I could NEVER do that to my friend if he were living with me. I just don't have the heart to!!

It would truly hurt me more to even try it!!


~Corey123.

 

[Chef_Jen]

Corey You would be a bad friend not to.. You need to take a firm ground and she was definitly right to pack his bags..

Like i said go to that Alanon website.. go read a few things..

You cant be kind.. you have to be hard and sometimes love hurts.

 

[Bangbang]

Corey You would be a bad friend not to.. You need to take a firm ground and she was definitly right to pack his bags..

Like i said go to that Alanon website.. go read a few things..

You cant be kind.. you have to be hard and sometimes love hurts.

You can be kind but you must stand your ground and be firm. No negotiations. I am not only an alcoholic but an experienced Psychiatric Nurse and Substance Abuse Counselor.

 

[Chef_Jen]

exactly my thoughts!

 

[Mylegsbig]

before you dive into alcoholics anonymous and it's sister programs i URGE you to check out these sites.

AA is not what it seems and it boasts extremely poor success rates. this is not opinion, this is documented fact.


http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-aalies.html

 

[Corey123]

I HAVE ALREADY shown him and his girlfriend some tough love.

But still, I have to see how he does - and every opportunity that's out there that would help him be successful against reverting back to his old ways, he should look into. I WILL try to explain that to him. If he wants to kick the drinking habit for good, there's everything out there at his disposal. It's to his advantage.

I'll STILL be there for him to support and encourage him though. And praise him when he does good. But I just can't turn my back on him. This is a very crucial time for him, and to just throw him out to the wolves now, that is not the answer.

It's gonna take some time, paqtience, love, frienship, understanding, talk and guidance to help him get through this. As they say in cases like this, Time heals all wounds.

Alcoholics sometimes feel like they are not loved - like they don't have a friend in the world, mainly because of some of society's stereo-types who think that it won't happen to them or their friends or loved ones. Not trying to say that any of you guys are. But like I said in earlier posts, I've dealt with alcoholics before, most of my adult life, became friends with some of them, helped them overcome their addictions and gave them some sound advice.

My friend Daquan is one of the many classic zillions of people who became victims of alcohol abuse. I made a deal with him that as long as he tries to get help and gets on the road to recovery, that I would try to do everything humanly possible to help him. And so far, he's been showing me that he wants to
seek help and treatment against this sometimes complex and sad illness.

And BTW, the doctor at the emergency room the other day told him that he drank so much that the alcohol ate up just about all of the nutrition that was in his body. So, in addition to his excessive drinking, he also has to try to rebuild his nutritional value back up to where it should be. This was due, in part, because he ate very little food and drowned himself in huge alcohol consumptions.

But in NO WAY am I going to leave or abandon him. I'm in too deep with helping him get the help that he should have tried to get several years ago. But also, if he has anything on his side, it's time and a very good friend standing with him for whom he can get brotherly love, help and continued support from.


~Corey123.

 

[Corey123]

Sometimes a short and sweet answer is a good way to go...so I'll say this: By all means, remain friends if that is possible, but you really should leave the help your friend needs to the professionals. It's natural for you to want to help your friend, but wanting to help and actually being able to help are two entirely different things. Don't permit yourself the luxury of thinking that you are the one who can cure him. More than likely, you are wrong.

Never once did I think or say that I, alone, can cure him.

I know that he needs professional help. I can only SUGGEST, PERSUADE, CONVINCE AND ENCOURAGE him to try to get that help.

His first step was ADMITTING that he's an alcoholic, which he has done. His 2nd step is trying to get the help, which he has started getting. His 3rd step is continuing on with the help, counsiling, theropy or whatever else are the powers that be.

And his fourth step, the one that will probably be his toughest of all, is willpower. He MUST have that in order to stay off his alcohol addiction, if his desire is to win that goal.

His girlfriend wants him to stop drinking - claiming that it makes him sick. It does, but SHE is no better off than he is because she, herself, drinks like a fish. She needs some serious help - more than he does, I think. She likes to drink, and then when she has a few, she starts arguing for no reason at all, bringing up stuff that happened with him or me in the past. Stuff that was put to rest, but she flatly refuses to let sleeping dogs lie!!

She started picking a fight with me, and I just left. She needs to go for some serious treatment because drinking poisons her mind as well!!! I know that she doesen't mean it, but how many times am I going to put up with that?

She's so deathly afraid that her boyfriend will go back to his old ways and she won't give him a chance to see what he'll do, or be like when he gets out of detox, yet and still, it's friggen ok for HER to drink like there's no tomorrow!! Go figure.

She gets drunk, then she starts getting or feeling insecure about Daquan, knowing **** well that he cares deeply about her!!! She keeps on accusing ME of planning to have him back over to my apartment so that he can drink alcohol and get drunk again when she really DOESN'T even know how things will work out with him yet!

And BTW, the money Daquan gave her yesterday when we went to visit him at detox, to buy something to eat, she pissed it away on "nips"!!! She just can't stop drinking at all!! Even though she keeps on saying that she will. Claims that she can stop without professional help? That's so not gonna happen!!! I truly hope that Daquan cracks down on her and gives her an ultimatum. Either she try to get help or he walks!! She seriously needs to stop her wild drinking!!!


~Corey123.