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-   -   Beans in my stomach!!! (https://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f26/beans-in-my-stomach-30346.html)

boufa06 12-22-2006 08:13 AM

Beans in my stomach!!!
Just received this from a good friend. I hope others may enjoy it as much as I did.

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XeniA 12-22-2006 09:12 AM

So, that wasn't the pulpwood mill I was smelling that warm day in Athens last September?!

If this is a true story, Boufa, I admire you for standing your ground in Volos. I think I'd have 'shifted my legs' right out of town that very night!

I do hope you tried to pass it off as a pre-dinner custom from your native land?

boufa06 12-22-2006 09:28 AM

Ayrton, I must confess it was not a true story. In my haste to share with the forum what I consider to be a good joke, I forgot to say that the joke had just come by email from a good friend of mine. I hope I did not mislead you too badly.:blush:

Sorry too much ouzo last night!!

XeniA 12-22-2006 12:15 PM

That's okay Boufa. I smelled a farce right away, I assure you!

Snoop Puss 12-22-2006 02:08 PM

Very good joke, Boufa; very good pun, Ayrton.

shpj4 12-22-2006 03:43 PM

Great joke and whether it is true or not I enjoyed reading it.

Barb L. 12-22-2006 08:42 PM

Too Cute, thanks for sharing - could have been so very true ! :sick:

-DEADLY SUSHI- 12-23-2006 12:21 AM

Tis a good story! :tongue:

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