Chief Longwind Of The North
Certified/Certifiable
I was once fishin' with my best friend on the Niagra River. We were just castin' into da river with nightcrawlers wigglin' on the hooks. Well, the grass was kinda tall and pretty much hid us from the spooky trout, so we figured we'd catch sumpin'.
My buddy, got a little bit over-exuberant, if'n ya know what I mean, and let go of his fishin' pole when he was tryin' ta cast that worm out inta the water. But that pole got caught up in the tall grass and hung there, part on the bank and part over the water. We was wonderin' if it was gonna fall inta the drink.
Well, my buddy bein' a bit on the slow side, I moved first, a tryin' to save that gaphite fishin' pole. Ya know, they makes graphite outta charcoal. Well anyways, as I was bendin' down to snatch that pole outa the grass, a huge trout jumped out from under the bank and scared the wits right outta me. I didn't know the bank was hollowed out under there.
Anyways, I lost my feet and fell inta that fast river. I wanna tell ya, that water pulled harder than my pet mule. I grabbed for anythin' and everythin' to stop me from floatin' down that fast Niagra water. And besides, it was cold.
I grabbed at grass, rocks, and whatever presented itself to me. I even grabbed some low-hangin' branches from an old oak tree. But that durned water just pulled so hard that I broke the branches of that old tree.
I was startin' to wear down a bit when I saw a big, old log floatin' in the water. I had enough strenth left to swim to that log and so I did. I hung on in spite of it bobbin and spinnin' like it was a bull with its tail of fire. It kept me floatin'.
Now I don't know if'n yer familliar with that river, but she's fast and deep, and there's a place where all that water just falls over a big cliff and splashes down on some mighty big rocks. Oh they have it all fenced in to keep the tourists safe. But there just aint nothin' out in the river for a poor fisherman, who might have accidently fallen into the river, to latch on to. And ya know, I could start to hear that thunder from the fallin' water. I started to git skared. And I just knew that my buddy was sittin' on the freshly polished hood of my truck drinkin' a cold one instead of tryin' to help me, his best buddy.
Fortunately, like I said, I was the smart one between the two of us. I was the hero here. So's I made my way along that log, in spite of all that buckin' and heavin, to the end on the downtream side. You shoulda seen it. There I was, hangin' on fer dear life on a buckin' log, headin' straight fer them water falls, while reachin' in my pocket. Well, I managed to pull out my pocket knife, a beautiful little thing with a blade that snaps out and locks up like my wife when I tell her - No, you aint going shopping with yer stupid sister!.
Oh wait a minute, I was tellin' a story here. Anyways, I started wittlin' on the end of that log. Then I jumped up on it with both feet. Heck, twern't no harder than standin' on the back of a bull when he's chasin' yer little sister. And ya know, I started rollin' that old log with my feet. Ya see, I'd whittled the end of that overgrown toothpick into a propeller. And when the log was spinnin' fast enough, I just steered it right to shore. Then I jumped off onto that sweet, sweet grass. I was gonna kiss the ground, but some dummy's big shoe got right in the way, and I wasn't about to kiss no shoe. I looked up and found that the shoe wasn't a shoe at all, but a big, brown boot. And that boot, wouldn't ya know it, belonged to a police man.
I got up and looked him square in the eye. He looked right back at me and said, "Son, what were you doing out in that river?"
He had that evil look on his face, ya know, like they look after you tilt a cow or somethin'. Anyways, I said "Well officer, I was fishin' and just sorta fell in."
He shook his head and just walked away. Me, I was dead tired. I was so tired that I had to crawl back to my truck. And yep, there was my best buddy, scratchin' up my freshly waxed hood with his sand-coverd jeans. I was pretty mad, don'tcha know. And so I made him get offa my hood and into the truck. I turned the window lock on, and rolled up all the windows. And it was a hot day. I drove 2 hundred miles with the heater on. By the time I got us home, well, I was so hot that I went inta the toilet and threw-up. But my best buddy, well, I sure showed him. "Cause he drank all the cold ones while we drove and he didn't have any more to last him fer the night. "Course, somehow he didn't seem to be all that upset. Go figure.
Ok, I'm challenging everyone again. beat that tall tale.
Seeeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
My buddy, got a little bit over-exuberant, if'n ya know what I mean, and let go of his fishin' pole when he was tryin' ta cast that worm out inta the water. But that pole got caught up in the tall grass and hung there, part on the bank and part over the water. We was wonderin' if it was gonna fall inta the drink.
Well, my buddy bein' a bit on the slow side, I moved first, a tryin' to save that gaphite fishin' pole. Ya know, they makes graphite outta charcoal. Well anyways, as I was bendin' down to snatch that pole outa the grass, a huge trout jumped out from under the bank and scared the wits right outta me. I didn't know the bank was hollowed out under there.
Anyways, I lost my feet and fell inta that fast river. I wanna tell ya, that water pulled harder than my pet mule. I grabbed for anythin' and everythin' to stop me from floatin' down that fast Niagra water. And besides, it was cold.
I grabbed at grass, rocks, and whatever presented itself to me. I even grabbed some low-hangin' branches from an old oak tree. But that durned water just pulled so hard that I broke the branches of that old tree.
I was startin' to wear down a bit when I saw a big, old log floatin' in the water. I had enough strenth left to swim to that log and so I did. I hung on in spite of it bobbin and spinnin' like it was a bull with its tail of fire. It kept me floatin'.
Now I don't know if'n yer familliar with that river, but she's fast and deep, and there's a place where all that water just falls over a big cliff and splashes down on some mighty big rocks. Oh they have it all fenced in to keep the tourists safe. But there just aint nothin' out in the river for a poor fisherman, who might have accidently fallen into the river, to latch on to. And ya know, I could start to hear that thunder from the fallin' water. I started to git skared. And I just knew that my buddy was sittin' on the freshly polished hood of my truck drinkin' a cold one instead of tryin' to help me, his best buddy.
Fortunately, like I said, I was the smart one between the two of us. I was the hero here. So's I made my way along that log, in spite of all that buckin' and heavin, to the end on the downtream side. You shoulda seen it. There I was, hangin' on fer dear life on a buckin' log, headin' straight fer them water falls, while reachin' in my pocket. Well, I managed to pull out my pocket knife, a beautiful little thing with a blade that snaps out and locks up like my wife when I tell her - No, you aint going shopping with yer stupid sister!.
Oh wait a minute, I was tellin' a story here. Anyways, I started wittlin' on the end of that log. Then I jumped up on it with both feet. Heck, twern't no harder than standin' on the back of a bull when he's chasin' yer little sister. And ya know, I started rollin' that old log with my feet. Ya see, I'd whittled the end of that overgrown toothpick into a propeller. And when the log was spinnin' fast enough, I just steered it right to shore. Then I jumped off onto that sweet, sweet grass. I was gonna kiss the ground, but some dummy's big shoe got right in the way, and I wasn't about to kiss no shoe. I looked up and found that the shoe wasn't a shoe at all, but a big, brown boot. And that boot, wouldn't ya know it, belonged to a police man.
I got up and looked him square in the eye. He looked right back at me and said, "Son, what were you doing out in that river?"
He had that evil look on his face, ya know, like they look after you tilt a cow or somethin'. Anyways, I said "Well officer, I was fishin' and just sorta fell in."
He shook his head and just walked away. Me, I was dead tired. I was so tired that I had to crawl back to my truck. And yep, there was my best buddy, scratchin' up my freshly waxed hood with his sand-coverd jeans. I was pretty mad, don'tcha know. And so I made him get offa my hood and into the truck. I turned the window lock on, and rolled up all the windows. And it was a hot day. I drove 2 hundred miles with the heater on. By the time I got us home, well, I was so hot that I went inta the toilet and threw-up. But my best buddy, well, I sure showed him. "Cause he drank all the cold ones while we drove and he didn't have any more to last him fer the night. "Course, somehow he didn't seem to be all that upset. Go figure.
Ok, I'm challenging everyone again. beat that tall tale.
Seeeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
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