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-   -   Right Thing/Wrong Thing (https://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f26/right-thing-wrong-thing-54805.html)

Claire 01-26-2009 06:58 PM

Right Thing/Wrong Thing
 
When do you feel that for some reason or other you've done something right or wrong, and when do you look back and say, wow, I'm glad I did that; or maybe "boy did I mess up." What did you do right or wrong lately, and why?

Claire 01-26-2009 07:02 PM

For me this year it was just accidental. My husband always wants to have Thanksgiving dinner at home. We aim to have a half dozen at the table, and for some reason we had two extra "seats" available. Just out of the blue, we asked an elderly couple to come for dinner. He died a couple of weeks later, and she died three days after him. I felt great that I'd invited them for dinner. I wish we'd taken photos. It was rather freakish, because, although we really liked the couple, this could not have been expected. Sometimes you do the right thing, without really intending to do it.

texasgirl 01-26-2009 07:10 PM

I made the wrong choice in signing for my son to get a truck. Now my credit is trash and I can't trade mine in for a better vehicle because it will be too much money!!

quicksilver 01-26-2009 08:17 PM

Got a minute???

No, seriously, Claire, I hope you have that memory forever. My heart just smiled. Bless you. I bet they talked about that all those remaining weeks.

snack_pack85 01-26-2009 09:54 PM

I spoke up about a good friends boyfriend ( he was a cheating sleezebag) and she kicked me to the curb for it. :( I wonder if I'll realize down the road that this was the right thing to do. She stayed with him and I lost a dear friend of 12 years. Seems like I made the wrong choice right now doesn't it?

GotGarlic 01-26-2009 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snack_pack85 (Post 781941)
I spoke up about a good friends boyfriend ( he was a cheating sleezebag) and she kicked me to the curb for it. :( I wonder if I'll realize down the road that this was the right thing to do. She stayed with him and I lost a dear friend of 12 years. Seems like I made the wrong choice right now doesn't it?

Maybe later on, she'll realize you were right and need your help. Then she'll know who her friends are, and who she can turn to. I hope so anyway.

Claire 01-27-2009 07:15 AM

Ouch! If there is one thing I've learned about friendships, it is to never, ever warn a friend about the man in her life. If you are right, and quite often we can see problems where someone who is besotted simply cannot, then you almost always lose the friend. I find it is better to just keep my mouth shut so that the friend will have a shoulder to cry on when the inevitable happens. Yes, I have had friends ask me why I didn't warn them. I just reply, "Would you have listened, or would you have cut me out of your life." Inevitably the latter is usually the case. I'm using a girlfriends (or sisters) scenario, but the same for my male friends. I have one now whose wife decided that he shouldn't have any kind of relationship with people who knew him from his first marriage. We (he was actually my husband's best friend for decades) still send Christmas cards and an occasional email, assuming that some day he'll come to his senses. But saying something to the person almost always backfires.

snack_pack85 01-30-2009 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire (Post 782070)
Ouch! If there is one thing I've learned about friendships, it is to never, ever warn a friend about the man in her life. .


I usually live by that rule but when he found out I knew he was cheating, he went to her in fear that I was about to out him. Instead of telling her the truth, he told her that I made a pass at him in Las Vegas while we were all on vacation! She was in the other room when he claims this happened.

I had to tell her why he was trying to ruin our friendship of course she didnt believe me. She actually asked if I was in love with that loser!

About a month later he confessed to cheating and inpregnating another girl (his live in roommate and HER best friend). She never apologized to me for accusing me of such awful things and she's still with him!

Alix 01-30-2009 12:40 PM

Hmmmm, right thing/wrong thing...yikes! I'd need a couple of pages. Seems like my entire life is this topic! Mostly I think for me its my admin duties here, I have a responsibility to make sure thing are as Andy wants them, and sometimes that means I offend or upset folks. It makes it hard to retain friends sometimes.

For "real life" its mostly about my Mom. I'm trying to look after her or make sure she is looked after and a lot of the time I take crap from her. Its really hard but I'm glad I'm doing it because otherwise she would be alone and scared or hurt. I'd also feel like the worlds lowest piece of crap if I didn't step up to help my Mom when she needed it. Its a freaking juggling act though I have to say.

JoeV 01-30-2009 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alix (Post 784464)
Hmmmm, right thing/wrong thing...yikes! I'd need a couple of pages. Seems like my entire life is this topic! Mostly I think for me its my admin duties here, I have a responsibility to make sure thing are as Andy wants them, and sometimes that means I offend or upset folks. It makes it hard to retain friends sometimes.

If you know what you are doing is in opposition to your core values, why would you enforce someone else's rules that would destroy relationships you hold dear. Surely there are other forums where you would not have to make these compromises, and you may even make more friends.

This is not a slam on DC, just a reply to right/wrong actions. Don't take it the wrong way.

As a business owner I'm frequently asked to do things that do not meet local, state or safety codes, and I refuse to sacrifice my reputation just to get a job. A good name is too difficult to establish and maintain to let it be destroyed for a few dollars. I lose the income but maintain my integrity.

Alix 01-30-2009 01:08 PM

JoeV, when someone says "don't take it the wrong way" it generally means they expect you to do just that. And it does not go against my core values to enforce the rules around here, I wouldn't have accepted the position if it did. The issue is that people I thought were friends often cannot see past their own ideas to see that I am doing what I have been asked to do. And as to other forums, yep Joe, seen 'em and think they leave a lot to be desired. And as for friends, I'm not looking for new ones, if they come along YAY, if they don't I'm good with that. I don't need an online forum to make friends, I have lots of those in real life. Perhaps I was unclear before, when I said "retain friends". I like to chat and enjoy things here, I don't enjoy the constant barrage of complaints about the rules set down by the owner of the site. I think it is juvenile and petty. I also don't enjoy having my every post nitpicked.

It sounds like you are questioning my integrity with that last post. Is that your intent or am I misinterpreting you?

Claire, sorry to hijack.

JoeV 01-30-2009 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alix (Post 784480)
JoeV, when someone says "don't take it the wrong way" it generally means they expect you to do just that. And it does not go against my core values to enforce the rules around here, I wouldn't have accepted the position if it did. The issue is that people I thought were friends often cannot see past their own ideas to see that I am doing what I have been asked to do. And as to other forums, yep Joe, seen 'em and think they leave a lot to be desired. And as for friends, I'm not looking for new ones, if they come along YAY, if they don't I'm good with that. I don't need an online forum to make friends, I have lots of those in real life. Perhaps I was unclear before, when I said "retain friends". I like to chat and enjoy things here, I don't enjoy the constant barrage of complaints about the rules set down by the owner of the site. I think it is juvenile and petty. I also don't enjoy having my every post nitpicked.

It sounds like you are questioning my integrity with that last post. Is that your intent or am I misinterpreting you?

Claire, sorry to hijack.

You absolutely took it the wrong way. It sounded to me like you were compromising relationships to maintain the site's rules, and regretted losing friends in the process. I was just presenting my opinion in that regard, which obviously is subject to scrutiny every time I do so.

Sorry to get your BP up. I thought I presented my thoughts in a non-threatening manner, but it's obvious I either failed or you don't care for my opinions.

Alix 01-30-2009 01:36 PM

You didn't get my BP up. I tend to ask those questions to make sure I haven't misinterpreted things. Glad you clarified. Does it bother you to have someone ask that kind of question? I find it is the most direct method of finding out whether or not I have misinterpreted someones writing. As for you giving your opinion, well I wasn't aware that was what the thread was about. (And your opinion, while non threatening has the flavour of advice, not merely an opinion) As for whether I care for your opinion or not, does it matter? I thought we were sharing moments when we did the right thing even though it might have "felt" wrong at the time or vice versa. Did I misread the OP?

See, here I thought I was doing the "right" thing by posting and yet now I feel it was "wrong" because Joe appears offended by my posts and direct question.



babetoo 01-30-2009 04:34 PM

no comment

Callisto in NC 01-30-2009 04:51 PM

Right thing / wrong thing defines my entire 2008. I was contemplating turning my boss in to the IRS because of the level of shadiness that these people were / are doing. Turned out they lie like there's no tomorrow and now I'm facing felony charges. In the end, I did turn them into the IRS, before they accused me, but I've now also turned them in to the state and three other states where they've obtained licenses under false pretenses. Was I wrong for turning them in? I don't know but I do know them lying that I stole the company credit card isn't right. I took a job, it was to support my family. I ended up working for the Devil incarnate; maybe being unemployed a little longer would have been the better bet.

babetoo 01-30-2009 05:17 PM

i think you did the right thing. sorry you are having a hard time over it. maybe that is why more people don't do the right thing.

PieSusan 01-30-2009 10:03 PM

Even in law, there is the court of equity and the court of law. When there are rules but exceptions are carved out for when the law does not accommodate certain situations where an outcome would wrong if the rule were to be strictly applied.

PieSusan 01-30-2009 10:14 PM

right thing/wrong thing

Are there ever absolutes?
Murder is wrong but what about self-defense?

What matters most to me is if I can live with the choices that I make. I try to do the right thing but I am an imperfect person. I try to learn from my mistakes and I try not to be too rigid. No one is always going to make the right choice all the time. You make the best choice you can with the information you have at that given point in time. That is called, "being a grown up".


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