Daily Funny

[chefkathleen]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put
into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years
ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have
eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes
the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several
seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and
softly said, 'Wedding Cake..'

 

[nixhalax]

hahahah,very funny,thks, anymore.?

 

[Andy M.]

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard and pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Keith.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out,'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you smiled...Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

 

[chefkathleen]

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club
with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and
who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies
at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and
ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend?
She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you
persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did
you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was
90.'

 

[chefkathleen]

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they
stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of
cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a
lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no
longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old
goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!