OP
OP
I'm taking sparkles to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.
Today's Funny
- Thread starter PrincessFiona60
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That's what I was thinking too.
Snip 13
Master Chef
Only a pleasure!
If you laugh the world laughs with you, if you cry , you cry alone.
Laughter truelly is the best medicine!
Snip 13
Master Chef
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on
them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!'" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking
water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe'.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on
them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!'" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking
water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe'.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
Snip 13
Master Chef
Snip may have started a new trend
You go girls! Of all the people in the world I think your OBG's need sparkle the most
Andy M.
Certified Pretend Chef
You go girls! Of all the people in the world I think your OBG's need sparkle the most
I disagree. I think proctologists need it way more than ObGyns. Some Febreze might be a good idea too.
Snip 13
Master Chef
You go girls! Of all the people in the world I think your OBG's need sparkle the most
That is for sure
So Andy, next time you go, are you going to put sparkles?
Snip 13
Master Chef
I'll never be able to top the Sparkles will I? No one even noticed the Middle wife joke I posted on the previous page lol!
Yes I did. It was great. I was just about to comment to that effect.
Yes, Snip, I saw the Middle wife one and am just now "recovering" from it.
I read it aloud to Glenn and both of us were beyond laughing. By the time I finished, we both had tears running down our cheeks and he was holding his sides.
The "sparkles" one was funny but this one nearly put us in the hospital.
Dawgluver
Chef Extraordinaire
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 25,033
Snip 13 said:
Believe it or not, this joke has been around for at least 15 years! One of the places I worked, we almost made ourselves sick laughing so hard!
OP
OP
Love the Middle Wife! Thanks, Snip!
Dawgluver
Chef Extraordinaire
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 25,033
Too funny!
