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-   -   Today's Funny (https://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f55/todays-funny-78388.html)

CWS4322 10-16-2012 05:18 AM

This made me chuckle (but, I'm in a good mood today--just about everything is funny today, Premier McGuinty resigned)!!!! Maybe, just maybe, the high hydro rates can be rolled back and I can live like a real person.

MrsLMB 10-16-2012 01:10 PM

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...8f80f8e89d.jpg

Snip 13 10-16-2012 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1195927)

How cute :) Wonder if those come in Bath shapes, my son still drinks his bath water and he's nearly 6. Even when he's peed in it :lol:

Kylie1969 10-16-2012 03:39 PM

Love them all :lol: :lol:

Kylie1969 10-16-2012 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1195871)

Good one! :lol:

MrsLMB 10-17-2012 07:21 AM

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...acc9f3946a.jpg

Snip 13 10-17-2012 02:35 PM

Embarrasing but I have to share...

A few months ago I woke up needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The girls will be able to relate to this. You know those times when you wake up to go wee but you're half asleep and kinda do it without thinking. Sometimes when you just sit down you realise in the nick of time that the toilet lid is still closed?
Well I noticed a bit too late and ended up having to mop the bathroom floor, changing my pants and cleaning the loo before taking "the walk of shame" back to my bedroom where hubby had been woken up by the noise lol! He was trying hard to pretend he's still sleeping but he couldn't contain the giggles! Just heard him snorting from under the covers and muttering something about "you did tell me to put the seat down honey" lol!

Snip 13 10-17-2012 02:45 PM

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch.
It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy,
but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook,if there was one,
but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless
(God I should have gone to the gym!!!)thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold
"The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,
"Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would haveKNOWN there was no toilet paper!"Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse.
(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do.You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse,
which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!"
you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto theTOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that
it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seatbecauseYOUnever laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,
dear,"You just don'tKNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too

At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A
kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when youNEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks,
"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

taxlady 10-17-2012 03:13 PM

Snip, :rofl:

I wish it wasn't so true.

Kylie1969 10-17-2012 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1196120)

Awww...I love it :lol:

Dawgluver 10-17-2012 04:29 PM

Another great batch, guys!

Thought this was cute:


Attachment 16009

taxlady 10-17-2012 05:11 PM

I can see how this could work:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.n...31536450_n.jpg

MrsLMB 10-17-2012 08:13 PM

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...7dcf756e6f.jpg

taxlady 10-17-2012 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1196267)

:lol::rofl: I've done that.

Merlot 10-17-2012 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1196267)

I have waved at people that pull up next to me in a car only to realize I really don't know them.. that is quite awkward at a stoplight. :lol:

Merlot 10-17-2012 08:42 PM

On the bathroom subject....

My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.

Here was our exchange the other day...

"Mom! I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
"Did you type BRB?"
"Yes, I typed BRB GP."
"What does GP mean?"
"Be right back, gotta poop."

He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor. :angel:

Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad." :glare:

Addie 10-17-2012 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlot (Post 1196281)
I have waved at people that pull up next to me in a car only to realize I really don't know them.. that is quite awkward at a stoplight. :lol:

That is when you turn it into a RAK. Give them a big smile and mouth the words "Good Morning. It will make their day. :angel:

taxlady 10-17-2012 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlot (Post 1196284)
On the bathroom subject....

My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.

Here was our exchange the other day...

"Mom! I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
"Did you type BRB?"
"Yes, I typed BRB GP."
"What does GP mean?"
"Be right back, gotta poop."

He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor. :angel:

Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad." :glare:

That reminds me of the scene in "Uncle Buck" where the kid says, "You have much more nose hair than my dad." Uncle Buck, "Nice of you to notice." Kid, "I'm a kid; it's my job."

PrincessFiona60 10-17-2012 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlot (Post 1196284)
On the bathroom subject....

My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.

Here was our exchange the other day...

"Mom! I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
"Did you type BRB?"
"Yes, I typed BRB GP."
"What does GP mean?"
"Be right back, gotta poop."

He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor. :angel:

Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad." :glare:


BRB...GP...:rofl::rofl::rofl:

MrsLMB 10-17-2012 10:16 PM

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...0e6a976408.jpg


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