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-   -   Today's Funny (https://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f55/todays-funny-78388.html)

taxlady 05-07-2013 09:21 AM

A tourist couple was visiting Canada by car. They stopped in a smallish city and asked a passerby where they were.

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

Mabel, they don't speak English. (Saskatoon is the capitol of province, Saskatchewan.)

MrsLMB 05-07-2013 08:46 PM

Time for some Blonde Dude Jokes !

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"


A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.


A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".


A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".


An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
in the boat

MrsLMB 05-07-2013 08:47 PM

Cat Alarm Clock

Cat Alarm Clock - YouTube

Dawgluver 05-07-2013 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1265660)
Time for some Blonde Dude Jokes !

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.

A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
in the boat

:rofl: I've met guys like this! They do exist!

Kylie1969 05-07-2013 11:15 PM

:lol: :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1265660)
Time for some Blonde Dude Jokes !

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"


A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.


A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".


A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".


An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
in the boat


Kylie1969 05-07-2013 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1265661)

That is great!

MrsLMB 05-08-2013 03:08 PM

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...dc69059f8d.jpg

Addie 05-08-2013 04:18 PM

I can relate to this. When I lived in Tacoma, there was a total eclispe of the sun around 9 am. Some genius after sold cans of Eclispe Darkness. And he cleaned up. The directions on the can were to never open the can or they would lose the darkness. The cans were empty. :angel:

Dawgluver 05-08-2013 04:55 PM

From Takei:

Attachment 17858

Kylie1969 05-08-2013 05:48 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol:

jharris 05-08-2013 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Addie
I can relate to this. When I lived in Tacoma, there was a total eclispe of the sun around 9 am. Some genius after sold cans of Eclispe Darkness. And he cleaned up. The directions on the can were to never open the can or they would lose the darkness. The cans were empty. :angel:

"There's a sucker born every minute"
PT Barnum

Or "There's an ass for every seat"
Used car salesman

MrsLMB 05-09-2013 04:41 AM

Ever want to say this to someone?

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...0b9f3659fe.jpg

PrincessFiona60 05-09-2013 07:27 AM

Daily...

jharris 05-09-2013 02:07 PM

:)

...

Kylie1969 05-09-2013 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1265944)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

MrsLMB 05-10-2013 08:37 AM

https://www.discusscooking.com/attach...8b706852ec.jpg

Dawgluver 05-10-2013 03:59 PM

From Takei, these rabbit reviews are, um, well, see for yourself. Gives one paws.

https://amzn.to/11YO7JF

GotGarlic 05-10-2013 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dawgluver (Post 1266255)
From Takei, these rabbit reviews are, um, well, see for yourself. Gives one paws.

https://amzn.to/11YO7JF

Oy. The comments are great!

Kylie1969 05-10-2013 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLMB (Post 1266223)

I will use this down the track :lol:

jharris 05-10-2013 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kylie1969

I will use this down the track :lol:

I use it almost every morning.


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