Is the Family Cook/Chef in Charge of the Pantry?

[KateH21]

I live with other family members, they own the house not me. I do the cooking and household grocery shopping.

The "man of the house" started cooking for himself maybe two months ago (leaving a mess on the stove everytime) and has just started messing around in the pantry. I have stuff organized in a way that I understand. Old in the front, new in the back, and hard to find, rare-ish items are hidden in the back behind food no one likes.

I've always been a believer in stocking up on food, just in case. When COVID hit the U.S. we decided to slowly stock up on even more things that were harder to get. Not hoarding, but making sure we didn't run out before it could be replaced again. There's been some stores I don't shop at because I'm only doing curbside pickup they don't offer that. So some items are harder to get.

So anyway, the man of the house got mad because I have too much food in the pantry, after they said to stock up. I threw that back in his face and he started complaining that he couldn't find what he wanted and complained about my organizing. I find things just fine. He hasn't gotten anything out of the pantry in over five years. It looks like I'm gonna have to start taking out certain items and hiding them.

Does anyone else have to put up with this kind of crap? And shouldn't the family cook be the one to organize the pantry? If they're the only one getting food out of it, why should anyone else say how it's organized?

I'm not even sure what he was looking for.

 

[taxlady]

Maybe you can have one shelf for the stuff he wants?

My DH doesn't do much of the cooking, but he does some. I do most of the organizing, but he has learned my "system". If he has a different idea about organizing, we discuss it. Sometimes his ideas are good.

 

[Andy M.]

There are two factors at play here. Both have to be considered.

1. Normally, the cook manages the pantry. It's important for the cook to have the right stuff on hand and arranged so that cook can get to it easily.

2. As you said, it's not your house. You're living with family members. Certainly, if the man of the house wants to do some cooking, he should be able to do so and be able to find something in the pantry.

You and he need to work out a compromise so you can both use the kitchen and it doesn't become a source of problems between you.

 

[Sir_Loin_of_Beef]

I had this problem when I first moved back home to take care of my, at the time, 93 year old father. I made it perfectly clear that, although I may not own the house, if I am doing the cooking and buying the groceries, I do own the kitchen, and if you interfere you do so at your own risk! Do you have a large Chef's knife? (8-inch is good, but 10-inch is even more impressive) Can the "man of the house" run?

 

[Roll_Bones]

Move out.

 

[medtran49]

I agree with Andy. However, I wouldn't be cleaning up after him. My DH used to do that with me and I put a stop to it immediately. My DD's husband did that to her for years and got even worse about it when they started having marital problems. She would complain to me constantly and I told her to quit cleaning up after him but that was hard for her to do because she couldn't stand the mess he left. Finally told her to just sit his dishes aside, clean up what she used to cook her and DGDs meals, and just leave his or suck it up and quit complaining about it. She finally stopped cleaning up after him. Dishes sat for about 4 days before he finally cleaned up after himself, but he did after that. However, be aware that doing this may get you kicked out of the house. Or you simply could just not cook if there is a mess in the kitchen not of your doing. A little bit before you need to start cooking say would whoever left the mess please clean it up so I can cook dinner. I would pick up some microwave meals or cold cuts, cheese, etc if you decide to go that way. A lot depends on your situation, i.e. paying rent, if he is the family, etc, etc. You will have to decide your actions based on your whole situation.

 

[KateH21]

Thanks for the advice.

He has a whole cupboard full of his stuff. He's got so much junk in the refrigerator that I couldn't even make Thanksgiving dinner, and he doesn't understand why. Where am I supposed to store the leftovers? Duh!

He fixed a pot of beans Wednesday night/Thursday and put them in the refrigerator and hasn't touched them. Friday night he fixed a pot of potatoes, ate some and put them in the refrigerator. Now he's fixing a large pot of potatoes. All of a sudden he's constantly in the kitchen cooking after having stopped cooking 20+ years ago. I can't even get in there to do anything. This food is only for him.

I caught him on the security camera eating out of his pot of potatoes, then sticking the same eating utensil in the tub of butter.

Now this creep just treated my good wood cutting board with vegetable oil. The pathetic thing is that he thinks he knows everything. Mineral oil, dummy!


Sorry for the rant. BTW, his wife is ticked off at him too for the same stuff. I swear he's worse than a child/teenager.

 

[medtran49]

Sounds like Roll_Bones gave you the best advice. Sorry.

 

[GotGarlic]

If this is bothering his wife, too, maybe the two of you could have a family chat with him and set some ground rules. Tell him you've noticed he's become more interested in cooking lately, and since it has been your task for several years, it would be helpful for everyone if you could do meal planning together, to save time, money and resources. Try to find out why this interest has developed and talk about how you all can work together to meet everyone's needs.

When we had exchange students, we would sit down together once a week to look at everyone's schedules and plan meals accordingly. If X was working late or Y had a sports event, we could determine when we could make a complete dinner and when we would put out leftovers or make something people could eat on the go. Then you could divide up the meal prep and do everything as a family. For example, since he's made potatoes, you could use the rest to make a chowder or potato salad.

Btw, throwing something back in someone's face is rarely a good strategy for getting along with people you live with

Hope this helps.

 

[taxlady]

I like GG's suggestion.