Kitchen Fails ~ Show Us Your Disasters

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

There's a discussion about folks who think they can cook ...

https://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f17/people-who-think-they-can-cook-but-cant-104430.html

... and the suggestion was made that a thread on Cooking Mishaps would be a good one.

So, I'll lob the ball first.

Kitchen Fail!


This doesn't happen to me often, but when it does ...

I started watching Paula Deen on YouTube and she had an episode on Food As Gifts and one of the recipes I wanted to try.
Five Layer Bars ... DON'T!!!





I could only pry out the center pieces, using a sharp metal knife,
which one shouldn't do to a non-stick metal pan.
They had stuck so horribly, it's a wonder I salvaged what I did

But'cha know, I'm so PAKE (or cheap) that I could NOT just throw all of that food away. They weren't terrible, just not for us.
Mrs. NextDoor-Neighbor had told me that if ever I had any of my homemade food that I wanted to give away, she'd take it.
They LOVED IT!!! AND wants the recipe

DH said to just throw the ruined pan away and he'd buy me an even better one, OKAY!!!
I'd never seen him laugh so hard as when I tossed that poor pan in the trash, "I didn't think that I'd ever see you do that!"

 

[Andy M.]

"Show Us Your Disasters" ?? I don't know about anyone else but I never photograph my disasters. If there's no picture, it didn't happen, right? So Let's just assume I have never had a disaster.

Now, if you'd like a story or two...

 

[DaveSoMD]

No picture of how it came out, but I disavowed any knowledge of the meal.

This is the offending recipe card...

 

[GimmeAnother1]

Burnt a pancake really bad today. Just threw it out. Not salvageable at all. Rest came out good. Just overheated on that first one.

 

[taxlady]

Burnt a pancake really bad today. Just threw it out. Not salvageable at all. Rest came out good. Just overheated on that first one.

Do you know the test for pancake temperature of the frying pan? A drop of water dropped onto the pan should dance around a bit before evaporating. It shouldn't just sit there and bubble and it shouldn't just vanish in a tiny puff of steam.

 

[Whiskadoodle]

One roommate in college owned a cast iron skillet. The only good skillet in the house. We were tough on that skillet. Fry something, then fill it with water and let it sit in the sink until roommate discovered it. Then he had a yelling fit and scoured it up, re oiled it, until someone else used it again. I never know how to care for cast iron, nor was I that much interested at the time. It got washed. By him. Why yes, I am sure I used it too. I now wonder why roomie didn't just remove it and store it under his bed or somewhere in his room.
--
These are some of the things I have learned the hard way.
Do not think that the amount of dried herbs vs fresh herbs to be used are the same. Especially rosemary.

I know how to successfully make mush out of pasta and the mouth feel does not self correct by simply adding a pasta sauce.

Do not open the oven door if the broiler has ignited what started out as a really good steak The flames just shoot out at you. Corollary: Clean the oven more often.

Do poke holes in a whole acorn squash before microwaving. Stand back when that time bomb explodes.

 

[GimmeAnother1]

Do you know the test for pancake temperature of the frying pan? A drop of water dropped onto the pan should dance around a bit before evaporating. It shouldn't just sit there and bubble and it shouldn't just vanish in a tiny puff of steam.

Thanks!

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

I made a non-fixable blunder just last night. I was making croutons from homemade bread for DW, flavored with olive oil, and granulated galic, and onion powder. I took care to dice the bread into just the right sized cubes for DW, and seasoned carefully. I laid the croutons out on a large cookie sheet and popped them into a preheated 400 degree oven, with the idea of checking them every 7 minutes until they were just right.

Snort story version - son came down and began to complain about a host of things. I forgot about the croutons until my nose alerted me that something was wrong. I checked them, and they were blacked. I didn't take pics, but you can see them in your mind's eye. Epic fail for the work I put into them.

Seeeeeya; Chief longeind of the North

 

[larry_stewart]

I too dont usually takes pics of my disasters ( I take them occasionally of my wife's though).
The first one that comes to mind is when I first became vegetarian. That was many years ago, and the options available were extremely limited ( compared to today). Its one of the reasons I started to cook, because I really didn't have many options unless I wanted salad everyday.

So I therefore had to experiment with dishes and find ' meat substitutes' so I could still have my favorite dishes in a vegetarian way. I always loved Chinese food and wanted something other than the basic stir fry. I decided to make a ' Sweet and Sour ' alternative. problem is, I used cavatelli as a substitute for the meat. Lets just say that it didn't work out that well. Definitely made it over the fence into the neighbors yard.

Another time, back in the early 90's when I was in school, again, a newly vegetarian and struggling to add variation to my meals. I watched all the PBS cooking shows, as there was no food network at the time. I remember turning on " The Galloping Gourmet" , Graham Kerr. Hey said he was making a great vegetarian dish called Gvetch. I'd watch the show as background noise while I was studying, and if something good came about, Id scribble the recipe on my school notes. Anyway, I copied everything down ( I swear this dish had 2 1/2 pages of ingredients to it. That weekend I made it to the a Italian Market ( in philly). and picked up a crate of all the veggies I needed. This was one of those dishes that you knew about half way through the preparation that it wasn't going to be good. But, I had so much time , effort an money invested, there was no turning back. Also, I was a broke student at the time, so Im sure I blew my weekly food budget on this dish. I continued to finish it up. again, one of those recipes that took all day. Served it for dinner, Two bites ( one for my wife and one for me). and into the garbage it went. I dont think I did anything wrong, it was just a crappy recipe. but one of the things I did pick up over years of cooking and experimenting, is the talent of being able to kind of mentally taste the final outcome by reading the recipe, and choosing the right recipes in the first place. Not saying I get it right every time, but I usually have pretty good judgment thanks to my years of experience ( both successes and failures).

Im sure I have many More, Ill post them as I think of them.

I think I also remember making a pissa on the grill, but the dough was a little too runny and it sunk between the grill grates . needless to say I was very disappointed, as I now had to find something else for dinner.

 

[larry_stewart]

And how can I forget. My home made Korean Soy Sauce was a failure. I made 3 huge vats of it. 2 out of the 3 got some kinda mold/ fungus growing on the top. Unlike pickles where you can just skim the crap off the top, this infused a gross taste through the sauce so down the drain it went. The 3rd vat just didn't taste right, and talk about salty, Geez, I didn't think any bacteria or mold could grow in such a salty solution. I kept 2 bottles cause although it taste like crap, its still edible and I needed something to show for my 6 month effort. It was fun going through the process, but a total failure.

 

[taxlady]

I have pretty much given up on baking cookies. Once in a while I or DH get a hankering for cookies. I'll make them, if DH is up for being responsible to take them out of the oven. If I have to do that part, there's a better than 50/50 chance that they will get burnt. I don't think DH has ever, in his entire life, let cookies burn.

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

I have pretty much given up on baking cookies. Once in a while I or DH get a hankering for cookies. I'll make them, if DH is up for being responsible to take them out of the oven. If I have to do that part, there's a better than 50/50 chance that they will get burnt. I don't think DH has ever, in his entire life, let cookies burn.

I made this cookie one time that I burnt.

But it actually came out quite good as it tasted very similar to a burnt marshmallow cooked over a campfire. I'll post the recipe in case anybody wants to revisit their youth, and the joy of watching a marshmallow on a sici flaming brilliantly under a stary sky. Burn some pine incense to make the expereience even better.But they were still burnt.

Taxy, these should be right up your alley.

Seeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[taxlady]

Nope, nope, nope. I didn't like the burnt marshmallows when I was a kid. I was very careful when roasting marshmallows. I wanted them the right golden shade, with lots of little bubbles all over and soft inside. But, now I find marshmallows too sweet to actually enjoy more than about once a decade.

 

[larry_stewart]

Here'smy wife attempt at cooking.
(She's a self admitted disaster in the kitcnen, so Im not bashing her here, just repeating what she admits to).

Every now and then she comes across a recipe that she tries and then asks my opinion ( although now she has me read the recipe first before trying it).

Anyway, she came across this recipe to make an ' eggplant chopped meat substitute '. She made it , and left it for me to try when I got home , then she left for work. When I got home, tasted it, and wrote a note , stuck it in the eggplant , took a pic and sent it to her.

Ill let the picture speak for itself.
And yes, what I think it looks like is exactly what you're thinking.

 

[Andy M.]

...And yes, what I think it looks like is exactly what you're thinking.

If this is the case, Larry, You should consult a gastro-enterologist.

 

[larry_stewart]

If this is the case, Larry, You should consult a gastro-enterologist.

Yeah, looks like serious problems

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Nope, nope, nope. I didn't like the burnt marshmallows when I was a kid. I was very careful when roasting marshmallows. I wanted them the right golden shade, with lots of little bubbles all over and soft inside. But, now I find marshmallows too sweet to actually enjoy more than about once a decade.

I preferred the perfectly browned marshmallows. However, if they caught fire, I loved watching the flames, and down the hatch they went. We didn't get campfire marshmallows on a stick very often, and I was not about to waste even one. And I still liked the flavor, just not quite as much.

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[pepperhead212]

Everyone has burned a few things (I remember scraping the black crust off of a few things, to salvage something out of them), and this reminded me of a time that I fell asleep, and left a loaf of zucchini bread in the oven for over 3 hours. I must have been tired, since that loud timer (which beeps for 30 sec, before stopping) didn't wake me at an hour (but I think that smell eventually woke me up!), but it turned out not to be a disaster - that bread has so much butter in it that the sugar caramelizing with it made a very crisp, toffee like crust, which was so good that, from then on, I baked that bread an extra hour and a half, to "burn" that crust.

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Everyone has burned a few things (I remember scraping the black crust off of a few things, to salvage something out of them), and this reminded me of a time that I fell asleep, and left a loaf of zucchini bread in the oven for over 3 hours. I must have been tired, since that loud timer (which beeps for 30 sec, before stopping) didn't wake me at an hour (but I think that smell eventually woke me up!), but it turned out not to be a disaster - that bread has so much butter in it that the sugar caramelizing with it made a very crisp, toffee like crust, which was so good that, from then on, I baked that bread an extra hour and a half, to "burn" that crust.

You da man!

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[Andy M.]

Back in the late 90s when I was in a small apartment on my own, I had a small pot of sliced potatoes on the stove to boil for mashed potatoes. The phone rang and I was talking for quite a while. I remember thinking at some point that I could smell someone grilling some where outside. Only no one was grilling, I had successfully burned the potatoes to the pan big time. It was not easy to clean.