Sometimes I feel like people on social media just wanna be cruel. (Story time/Am I the a-hole?)

[BAPyessir6]

This is kind of an "am I the a-hole" situation. Was I out of line by what I said?

The short of it is I sometimes feel that, when I'm in certain places online, many opinions/experiences are actively devalued even if they're relevant. This is frustrating to me, as I sometimes struggle with valuing my own opinions.
Maybe I just shouldn't go to those places. Or be more careful in what I say?

Now for the story! (This will include people telling others to k*ll themselves and lots of swearing, so if anyone doesn't wanna read that, just be warned).

A girl posted on a (kids) site (this kids site is mostly adults now, so it's lax on what can be said and not said) I frequent, and the story there was this:
I was at the beach with my boyfriend, and I asked him why it's okay for guys to walk around shirtless but not women. He said he didn't know, so I (a female) proceeded to prove a point by taking my bikini off (while on the beach, there were maybe 50 people there) and trying to flash people. He flipped out, called me some horrible names, and we broke up.

Everyone who commented after said how horrible he was for calling her names, "rules for me and not thee" etc.

So I commented, and I quote "Yeah, the things he called you (I listed them in the actual comment, but as I am unsure what I'm allowed to say here, I'll just say a B word, a C word, etc) are totally not okay and very very cruel. I understand why you broke up with him. That being said, I myself would never expose/take my shirt off in public, as I've had men stalk and follow me around when I was 13 in a one piece swimsuit. (My mother had to scream at them to stop following me at a public pool). I feel like creeps are far too common unfortunately, and I would worry that flashing people in public could encourage things like ogling and stalking."

Then the replies rolled in. (Directly taken from the site). "Shut up. This isn't about you; you're being so hurtful and unkind."

"Here comes the police to tell her what to do. You're worse than her boyfriend."

"Who gives a d-mn about your opinion? Go f&-k yourself."

"People like you should just k$_l yourselves. Or at least jump off a very tall building."

I honestly didn't think I was telling her what to do, or that I was being that. . .unkind? I don't know. I don't think I even gave an opinion on whether or not flashing people in public was okay. I was just trying to give my personal experience and thoughts on the matter.

Their responses kind of made me sad though. What do you guys think?

 

[Andy M.]

With the anonymity of the internet people feel free to act like hurtful, loudmouth jerks. A disagreement is an excuse for an attack, not a discussion. Consider how these people have been acting and you'll realize they don't deserve consideration.

 

[blissful]

I don't think you were out of line, no.
Moderation and administration of a site is there to keep the peace and expel the common trolls.
Some groups you can share your feelings and thoughts, some groups you can't. It's up to you to decide how much bad behavior you're willing to put up with.
I agree with calling his name calling insults as very very cruel.

 

[Silversage]

Sorry, but I'm not so tolerant.

 

[taxlady]

I don't think what that you were the a-hole. I think the crew attacking you were the a-holes. Even, if they thought that your post was centring you, the response was mean and uncalled for. You don't desserve to have stuff like that said about or to you. If that is considered acceptable behaviour on that site, then I would avoid it.

 

[Steve Kroll]

With the anonymity of the internet people feel free to act like hurtful, loudmouth jerks. A disagreement is an excuse for an attack, not a discussion. Consider how these people have been acting and you'll realize they don't deserve consideration.

I agree completely with what Andy said. It's like the old saying goes "Anonymity breeds contempt."

When I joined DC a number of years ago I decided to post using my real name. It forces me to think twice about what I say. I try to be respectful and not say anything I wouldn't say to someone's face. I also make a point to stay away from toxic discussions where keyboard warriors feel like they can spew whatever hateful trash they want and get away with it.

 

[caseydog]

I don't do any of the common social media. I belong to a few forums, food and car related. That's it. Facebook, X, Instagram... not at all interested. Tried a few of them, hated it, moved on.

If you participate in any of those common social media platforms, you are going to be called an a-hole by an a-hole at some point. Then you can either leave, or become and a-hole just like them.

Not worth it, IMO.

CD

 

[dcSaute]

where keyboard warriors feel like they can spew whatever hateful trash they want and get away with it.

and that is a management failing.

axxholes need to be banned, period.
they do not contribute in a positive way.

 

[dragnlaw]

Maybe I just shouldn't go to those places. Or be more careful in what I say?

Avoid those places as they are only breeding grounds for people with psychological, social and growing problems.
You will learn, with time and age, to recognize toxic signs.
People who need to be patted on the back for support. Especially people who feel the need to display their insecurities so publicly.
You will also start to recognize people who deliberately post controversial things just to stir up the proverbial $h*t.
The only person who would not understand that removing her top in a conversation with her boyfriend "to prove a point" and have him dive over the deep end with the language he did... was either so immature or it was a deliberate attempt to stir or worse a young girl trying to prove to herself (and/or her friends) she was very adult and understood the world. Probably about 13 or 15?
In any of those cases - leave the site, remember the signs, ignore the trolls and chalk it all down to 'lesson learned'.

Here endeth Lesson 101 in dragn's social behaviour...

 

[dragnlaw]

ps,
if you really feel the need to help and/or advise people, go to your church, hospital or social services and volunteer, there you will have support and guidance to be able to help others.

 

[Badjak]

I don't do any of the common social media. I belong to a few forums, food and car related. That's it. Facebook, X, Instagram... not at all interested. Tried a few of them, hated it, moved on.

If you participate in any of those common social media platforms, you are going to be called an a-hole by an a-hole at some point. Then you can either leave, or become and a-hole just like them.

Not worth it, IMO.

CD

It's just a shame that so many businesses and interest groups are on facebook (at least in my part of the world).
So I have a facebook account now, so I can get snakes, caterpillars, birds etc determinated, read about curing meat.
But got no friends, not updating status etc and am quick to leave any group if I feel there is no respect

 

[caseydog]

It's just a shame that so many businesses and interest groups are on facebook (at least in my part of the world).
So I have a facebook account now, so I can get snakes, caterpillars, birds etc determinated, read about curing meat.
But got no friends, not updating status etc and am quick to leave any group if I feel there is no respect

Linkdin is the social media site for business. By "business," I mean a good place to connect to peers in your career. I have at least 100 "connections" on there. It is pure business, so trolls are very rare.

CD

 

[Badjak]

Linkdin is the social media site for business. By "business," I mean a good place to connect to peers in your career. I have at least 100 "connections" on there. It is pure business, so trolls are very rare.

CD

Yes, but that's not what I meant.
A lot of businesses here have no webpage. Just a facebook page.

I live far from town, so I like to compare (bigger) purchases online for specs and prices.

Back to linkedin, they use the argument that they are very boring in Australia to try not to get regulated (Oz wants a minimum age of 18 or 16 for social media)

 

[Marlingardener]

My husband was on a bee keeping website, and one member was very bigoted, racist, and a know-it-all. Another member met him and posted that he was much nicer in person than on the website. My husband responded that was probably because in person he could get punched.
Let's hope those people are nicer in person, and if not, that they get punched.

 

[caseydog]

My husband was on a bee keeping website, and one member was very bigoted, racist, and a know-it-all. Another member met him and posted that he was much nicer in person than on the website. My husband responded that was probably because in person he could get punched.
Let's hope those people are nicer in person, and if not, that they get punched.

I actually met a person like that on a car forum. Online, he was a total di-k. In person, a really nice guy. He showed me how to fix a problem on my MINI Cooper. Short guy, maybe 5 foot 6. Might have had something to do with it.

CD

 

[dragnlaw]

"Little Man Syndrome"

 

[HeyItsSara]

People are strange.

 

[caseydog]

People are strange.

...when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down

That song is now stuck in my head.

CD

 

[taxlady]

That song is what popped into my head when I read, "People are strange."

 

[rodentraiser]

You have to have thick skin sometimes to post anywhere on the internet these days. I've been on a lot of forums and was basically banned from the last one I was on after being there for 10 years. It was a mostly conservative forum and my problems stemmed from ONE mod not liking what I said in the political section to the point where she would delete my posts and threads, and then close the threads of other people when I commented on their posts. I finally just put up a post detailing what she was doing and that was that. We were allowed to give "reps" to posts that we liked. I had three times as many reps as I did posts, so people obviously liked what I said, so I just figured it was their loss.

But a long time ago I decided I can either be honest with how I feel on the internet or I can walk on eggs and read lies, see people bully other people, and read misconceptions of all kinds while not doing anything. I found out I have a hard time not doing anything. I try to be nice about what I post, but if someone is being a jerk, I find I can be a jerk right back, although I go by the mantra that you can't argue with stupid and generally when it becomes apparent that someone is just being an idiot or a troll, I'll usually just drop it and walk away.

BAPyessir6, if you believe in what you posted, then you were NTA. You also have the right to defend yourself if you choose to. Most people on the internet will let loose with stuff because there's no consequences for doing so, even if they'd never say such things in person. My feeling is that such people are going to find out the hard way that I don't put up with their crap. Putting down boundaries is important to our mental health, both on the internet and in real life. If nothing else, if someone tells you to kill yourself, for instance, you can shame them. "Shame on you for suggesting such a thing - what kind of person says that?" is a good one. It's hard to shame people on the internet, but at least you've established a boundary, nonetheless. If the person attacking you doesn't see it, someone else might and it might make them think twice about messing with you.

But if all this stuff is starting to get you down, just remember one thing. I heard this once and I never forgot it, and that is, to make all those people go away, all you have to do is hit the off button. These are people you are never going to meet or talk to again, and they're just that unimportant in your life. And it's also the equivalent of having the last word. So just hit the off button and watch them all disappear. Don't let them get into your head and don't bring them home with you. That's how you keep your equilibrium online.

You gave your opinion and explained why it was your opinion. You're entitled to your opinion. And it's not your fault some people are so boorish and so uneducated that they think everyone has to think the way they do and when someone doesn't, they get their bowels in an uproar when someone else has an independent thought. It's also very telling of weak-minded people that instead of giving their opinion, they choose to take yours down by attacking you instead.

Personally, I think you did good with what you posted. I think you should be patting yourself on the shoulder.

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