Vocational Rehab - LOL!

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CrazyCatLady

Sous Chef
Joined
May 30, 2014
Messages
530
Location
NC
I started Vocational Rehab last Friday, known as VR, at Walmart. My VR coach went with me, and I was to spend two hours there, recapturing my job skills (like I ever had any to begin with) and memory.

Well, I had a feeling this might be problematic from the get-go. They switched coaches on me at the last minute and paired me up with a twenty-seven-year-old (for lack of a better term) hippie.

Now I'm an old conservative Army type who's probably at the farthest side of WRONG on the political correctness scale ... just so you know.

I was expecting that crusty old Trump-supporting retired USAF Colonel, but no. I get this 5'2" little miss Sunshine, driving a Smart car plastered with Bernie 2016 stickers. No problem there, as long as she doesn't try to talk about politics.

The CAR was the problem. If you're over 5'2", Smart cars are out of the question. They're tiny little two-seaters about the size of a child's lunchbox, with no leg room. They are so small you have to WARN the other person in the car when you move your eyes.

Oh, well. I asked her if she'd drive my Subaru. Sunshine looks at the Subaru, turns her nose up, and says, "No, I'm sorry, but those damage the planet and use too much gas."

Shoot, I'd just had chili and Fritos for my afternoon snack. I could have told her a thing or two about gas, but that would have probably caused her to implode. Wisely, I kept my mouth shut.

I go along, folding myself up like an accordion and cramming my 5'11", 150-pound body into a space smaller than a toaster. I'm looking forward to this half-hour drive to work like a visit to the proctologist, but I'm happy to get out and see my store again.

I figured if I kept telling myself that, I'd believe it.

This car's engine was run by two geriatric hamsters, so we hit the interstate at the speed of smell. Meanwhile, in the MP3 player in the radio thing was music (okay, according to her it was) - drumming.

"What's that?" I asked.

Sunshine smiles, and explains that drumming is used for relaxation and visualization for going back to work.

I almost said, "Oh, no no no! Gimme some Skynyrd," but the brain to mouth filter was engaged, so I coughed.

We get to Walmart, and I go in for some paperwork, and we go to the front end. My co-workers and managers are all over me like a bad rash, hugging me and all that ...

And suddenly little miss Sunshine turns into Attila The Hun. She loudly announces, "Time for work! Let's go!"

So I start on a register, and she's watching and circling me like a vulture. I get more hugs from customers and co-workers alike and I just know that's making her skin crawl, so I'm happy.

Then ... something I've never, EVER, heard comes over the PA.

Evacuation notice, and this is NOT a drill or test. This is the real deal.

I abandon the register, tell people to leave their carts, go to the nearest exit, and all that. I got other cashiers to check the bathrooms, etc., etc. I remembered every single one of my emergency procedures!

Attila is quaking and freaking, asking me what's going on. "Possible bomb threat," I whipered.

Next thing I know, she's flying down the front of the store as fast as her amoeba-shaped body would go, heading for the door. Now that's what I call dedication, right there.

We evacuate the store, get outside in the parking lot, and there's nine cop cars and a K-9 unit all over the front of the building. I find Attila out there, cowering behind her car.

Like a Smart car is going to protect her. Okay. I'd take my chances on the light pole, but that's just me.

"Is it a bomb?" she asks, terrified.

"I don't know, Princess. You just stay here so I know where you are."

Where do they find these people?

I left her out there becoming one with the pavement and found a group of managers and CSMs and hung out with them for an hour until we were given the all-clear to re-enter the store.

I look around. The parking lot is nearly empty with no Smart car in sight. Well, that figures. She was probably halfway to South Carolina by now, but that was fine with me too.

The weekend was relatively uneventful, and today I found out Princess Sunshine Attila had quit her job.

https://www.facebook.com/2659756401...975640127197/1073447672713319/?type=3&theater
 
I look around. The parking lot is nearly empty with no Smart car in sight. Well, that figures. She was probably halfway to South Carolina by now, but that was fine with me too.


:ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO: Thanks for my laugh for the day. I definitely needed it. :angel:
 
You probably are an old conservative Army type who's probably at the farthest side of WRONG on the political correctness scale and I'm a liberal view outlook in an old sorta conservative body who's hoping for Bernie, but I have the feeling we'd get along just fine.

I would have loved to have seen Little Miss Sunshine at our bank when we had a bomb threat and we were told to put the cash cans away before we could evacuate.

Thanks for the laugh - I needed that today!
 
I thought I'd wander over to the Back Porch, first time in a while, and find this. :LOL: Funny stuff, CCL. I'm surprised to read that you couldn't get into the Smartcar. When my Hyundai flaked out on us in PA when we were in for a family funeral, the dealership had one on the lot. Just for S&Gs (because you NEED to giggle when you think your new, 1000 mile old engine just died after replacing a dead engine), Himself decided to try and cram his 6' 2", 200-and-too-many pound frame into that clown car. He was amazed at how decent of a fit it was! Still not considering getting one - we're too old to look cool in a soup can. ;)

Too bad you didn't see this video before you had to ride in that car. It might have helped you a bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOfr8cRtiP0
 
You probably are an old conservative Army type who's probably at the farthest side of WRONG on the political correctness scale and I'm a liberal view outlook in an old sorta conservative body who's hoping for Bernie, but I have the feeling we'd get along just fine.

I would have loved to have seen Little Miss Sunshine at our bank when we had a bomb threat and we were told to put the cash cans away before we could evacuate.

Thanks for the laugh - I needed that today!

I love you! Thanks! ***by the way, holy crapppp!!***

I thought I'd wander over to the Back Porch, first time in a while, and find this. :LOL: Funny stuff, CCL.
 
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I thought I'd wander over to the Back Porch, first time in a while, and find this. :LOL: Funny stuff, CCL. I'm surprised to read that you couldn't get into the Smartcar. When my Hyundai flaked out on us in PA when we were in for a family funeral, the dealership had one on the lot. Just for S&Gs (because you NEED to giggle when you think your new, 1000 mile old engine just died after replacing a dead engine), Himself decided to try and cram his 6' 2", 200-and-too-many pound frame into that clown car. He was amazed at how decent of a fit it was! Still not considering getting one - we're too old to look cool in a soup can. ;)

Too bad you didn't see this video before you had to ride in that car. It might have helped you a bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOfr8cRtiP0

God bless him. That's all I can say here. Clown car! They are!

Imagine taking an irish wolfhound to the vet in one of those things.
 
Thanks folks!

Today was awesome!!!

Four whole hours, on my feet, non-stop. I got my Colonel and he said that Princess Sunshine came in yesterday, turned her stuff in, and told them I was insane. The Colonel asked why, and she said, "There was a bomb threat, and that b***** didn't even BLINK!"

He replied, "Hmmm. You reckon 25 years in the Army had something to do with that?"

I love this guy! He drives this Hummer that's big enough to have its own zip code with a killer sound system. We yelled at each other over Skynyrd and Led Zeppelin all the way to work and made fun of Princess Sunshine.

After 30 minutes of watching me bouncing back and forth between 8 registers in the self-checkout, he said, "To h*** with this. I'm getting me a chair."

When my break came, I shared sandwiches Cat had made for us in the Hummer. When we finished, he turned off the music, and looked at me.

"You know you're not going to need me much longer, don't you?" he said, almost sadly.

I thought about it. Then I replied, "Maybe not as a VR coach, but if you'd like to be friends after this, it would be an honor, sir."

He slapped my knee and gave a belly laugh that rocked the Hummer and shattered the pavement.

"I like the way you think, lady! Deal?"

"Deal." We shook on it.

He looked at his watch. "Ready?"

"Ready," I answered. "Follow me."

"Gladly."

I get to meet his wife tomorrow! YAY!!
 
:flowers::flowers: Sounds like you are on your way CCL. I don't think even one of us ever doubted otherwise. Nov? Didn't your VR set that as the earliest you would be able to return to work? They just don't know your determination.

Pirate has to run errands tomorrow. No promises, but I am going to try and call you on the computer while he is gone. I can shut off the TV then.

Keep up the good work. :angel:
 
:flowers::flowers: Sounds like you are on your way CCL. I don't think even one of us ever doubted otherwise. Nov? Didn't your VR set that as the earliest you would be able to return to work? They just don't know your determination.

Pirate has to run errands tomorrow. No promises, but I am going to try and call you on the computer while he is gone. I can shut off the TV then.

Keep up the good work. :angel:

Thank you! He seems to think I can do more. I will probably be home by 10:00 PM, it is a late schedule.

I hope I don't fail.

Failure may happen but but I'm done with failing. I will push and push to get to .... to the CrazyCatLady all of you used to know.

I bullied my manager to put me on the schedule from 12:00 to 9:00 tomorrow.

I said," Don't pussyfoot with me. Let's try a full schedule."

I am ready! If I fail, I'll learn, if I don't fail, well I didn't fail.

That's pretty simple.
 
Hilarious, CCL! So glad you got your Colonel back!

And so happy you're doing so well!
 
I love you! Thanks! ***by the way, holy crapppp!!***

This was back in the 70s. They do some weird things at banks. My operations manager there told me once the police shot and killed a robber at a bank when she was a teller. They chalked an outline, removed the body, and opened for business. People had to walk around the chalk outline.
 
I love you! Thanks! ***by the way, holy crapppp!!***

This was back in the 70s. They do some weird things at banks. My operations manager there told me once the police shot and killed a robber at a bank when she was a teller. They chalked an outline, removed the body, and opened for business. People had to walk around the chalk outline.

I've seen that happen outside of a deli. This was in El Paso, TX and boy, that was weird.

There wasn't a body any more. We just looked, and stepped around. I asked the owner what happened, and he said, "Oh, just another dimwit with a gun trying to rob me. You know how it goes."

Yow.
 
I've seen that happen outside of a deli. This was in El Paso, TX and boy, that was weird.

There wasn't a body any more. We just looked, and stepped around. I asked the owner what happened, and he said, "Oh, just another dimwit with a gun trying to rob me. You know how it goes."

Yow.

And how!
 
I am happy to say of this but Joyce will not have much time to spend here.

Tomorrow she goes to the Walmart for the full timed hours. Her Colonel shall be with her.

I have made of nice lunches and snacks and packed it carefully.

It is as if of looking of a child to go away to of school. I am not sure of this very long seperation but she has promised to call me from the times.

I am not so sure of weakness, for she did of the bomb evacuation well and that stupid lady went away in fear. I am worried of this, she shall be upon her feet for eight hours.

But her Colonel shall make her stop if it is needed, yes? And he shall bring her home. She shall try another day of what does not become of this.

Joyce does love Anna! I can not tear away of Anna from her. But Joyce gives Carl and I much time!

Justin bought of a very small swings set for Anna. She loves this so very much! Anna loves the cats and especially of Lilly, and Joyce throws of cat's toys upon the floor for Anna to throw them away to see the cats to go of chasing them.

We are having of a very lovely time! Anna loved of one of Lilly's toys, it is a singing dog toy called a Deedle Dude. Joyce had extra toys of this, and gave it to Anna!

This is here:

Amazon.com : Multipet Deedle Dude 8-Inch Singing Mouse Plush Dog Toy, Blue : Pet Squeak Toys : Pet Supplies

Anna loves this dog toy! Children are so very funny, yes?

Anna follows Joyce as of an explorer. When we brought her of here, we thought perhaps she may be of frightened, but that was of no consequence. She pounds of the piano, unravvels of the scarves Joyce tries of knitting, eats all of the nice things here and she is being of a horrible child. Carl found of her to be grooming Lilly but of backward. He showed her how to brush of the dog properly.

Joyce said of life. There are three stages, yes? One is being little and forgiven for of little odd things, stage two is of knowing better and of learning to become of as adult, stage three is of living so long one needs to be forgiven of little odd things and be of smiled upon.

She is well.

Carl drove Justin's truck of one day. This is a very large truck!

He said he would rather to walk.

With love,
~Cat
 
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Joyce said of life. There are three stages, yes? One is being little and forgiven for of little odd things, stage two is of knowing better and of learning to become of as adult, stage three is of living so long one needs to be forgiven of little odd things and be of smiled upon.

:clap:
 
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