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Bob and his wife Carol live in upper Michigan. One winter morning while listeningto the radio they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." Carol goes out and moves...

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A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh mom," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic." Suddenly she burst out crying, "But mom as soon as we returned Sam...

A man and his wife walked into the dentist office. The man said, to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one **** of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in the car waiting to play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10am tee time at the best golf...

A dietitian was addresing a large audience in Detroit. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us...

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello, could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse."The voice on the other end said, "What is the patients name and room number?""Sara Finkell...

A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants,having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test,both men had only missed one of...

Billy Bob and Jr. were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blondelady walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole, but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down...

Billy Bob's pregnant sister was in a terrible car crash and went into a coma for nearly 6 months. She awakened to find she's no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. the babies are fine and your brother came...

A woman's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend says, "How can that be?" The widow says, "Well the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I had to make a...

Is It Heaven or ****? A Certain man had a dream about dying. He found himself in the presence of a mighty angel. The angel spoke, "I will show you ****." In a moment, the man was standing with the Angel in a large room. In the middle of the room sat a long table. It was covered with every...

O'Reilley lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and O'Reilley went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya be sayin a Mass for the poor creature?" Father O'Malley replied, ''I'm afraid not, we can't have services for...

Mary Clancy approroached Fr. O'Malley after Sunday Mass and he saw that she was crying.He asked, "So why are you crying Mary Clancy?" She says, "Oh Father, I've got terrible news, My husband Sean passed away last night. Fr. O'Malley said, "Oh Mary, Thats terrible. Tell me, did he have any last...

A disdraught senior citizen phoned her doctors office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then...

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw a elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she'd like a ride. With a silent nood of thanks the woman got...

The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,hunters,fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as "little bells" on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators. They...

In a small southern town ther was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. the three Wisen Men were wearing fireman's helmets! Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation I left. At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of...

Blonde caller:"Can you give me the phone number of Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you're talking about." Blonde caller: "On page one section 5 of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the computer from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning...

The pastor and some of the parishioners were putting up a sign in front of the church that read "Turn around the end is near!" Suddenly a car went speeding by and the driver started laughing as he read the sign. A second later they heard a loud crash as the car fell into the water. Finally, one...

A couple decided to go to a marriage counselor to help resolve their problems in their marriage. As soon as the first session began the wife started to go on and on about all the things that were wrong with her husband and the problems they have had in the last 15 years of marriage. the...

self explanatory! A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long," answered the Mexican man. "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"...

Ponderisms Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Health nuts...

Earl, an elderly gentleman was worried that his wife was losing her hearing. So he called his doctor to ask what he could do about it. The doctor told him a simple test he could do at home to check her hearing. he told Earl to stand about 40 feet away from her and ask a question and if she did...

I was driving down the xway minding my own business when I saw the woman in the car next to me putting on her make-up, suddenly her car swerved towards mine and I dropped my electric shaver I was shaving with on the floor of the car, besides that I was on the cell phone with my boss and my phone...

Two blondes are at the gas station filling up their cars. The fIrst blonde says " I hear the price of gas is going to keep climbing" The second blonde says "Well that wont affect me" "Why not says the first blonde?" Second blonde replies: " Because I only buy $10.00 worth a time!"