Silly recipes

[LPBeier]

Mods, if this is the wrong place for this, please feel free to move it. I wasn't sure.

I was trying to get into my personal recipes in my program today and the cookbook is somehow corrupted. I did find a way to get into it and print them all out (187 pages two sided later!) because I can't afford to lose these...they contain some of my favourites I have come up with or from family and friends.

When I looked at the printout the first recipe sprang out at me and I started to laugh. I never intended to "Make" it, but entered it because it was so hilarious. I found it in a lifestyles diet in some magazine years ago.

Bacon, Eggs & Bacon
Servings: 1

1 1/2 whole Egg
3 Whole Bacon
1 Whole Banana

Fry Bacon, drain fat
Fry Eggs
Peel Banana
Serve.

Honestly, that was the whole recipe. Anyone have any they have come across?

 

[QSis]

I dunno, Laurie, but that's a lifestyle diet I might LIKE!

1 1/2 eggs?



Lee

 

[Lefty7887]

Recipe for Tequila Christmas cookies
Under *no* circumstances should you actually try to *follow* the recipe! You must be a trained certified crashtest dummy like me.

Recipe for Tequila Christmas Cookies:

Ingredients:


1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tbsp. lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle tequila



Sample the tequila in a large glass to check quality.
Take a large bowl, and check the tequila again, to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK, so, try another cup.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the lousy fruit and the stupid cup off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Put the bowl through the window, finish off the booze and make sure to put the dirty stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas to All!

 

[LPBeier]

Lee, that was the first thing I noticed - 1 1/2 eggs! I was like....what? Then I read on and thought this can't be for real, but it was!

Lefty, I love that recipe, having been a former tequila drinker in my university days!

Does anyone have the one for Turkey with "Popcorn Stuffing"?

 

[Luvs2Cook]

I had that one a long time ago, I'll search to see if I have it......

 

[Luvs2Cook]

Here it is.......

Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing---imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure to tell when the turkey is thoroughly cooked but not dried out. Give this a try.
12-15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good)
1 cup uncooked popcoorn salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of he oven. Listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey's A$$ blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.

 

[mcnerd]

If you are doing a Turkey or Stuffing for Christmas and have lots of curious relatives roaming around in the kitchen, have this recipe sitting on the counter where it is easy to read and being the recipe you are working on.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT STUFFING

1 1/2 cups boiling water or turkey stock
1/2 cup butter -- (1/2 to 1/3)
1/2 cup chopped med. onion
1/4 cup diced celery
1 shredded carrots -- (1 to 2)
6 sliced mushrooms -- (6 to 8)
1 teaspoon poultry seasoning
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons fresh minced parsley
1/4 cup sliced almonds or water chestnuts
2 cups unpopped popcorn

May substitute 8 cups dry bread cubes or croutons if you must.

Put everything, except almonds and popcorn, in the pot. Simmer until vegetables are tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Remove from heat. Add sliced almonds or water chestnuts. Add unpopped popcorn. Stuff turkey very lightly. Bake at 325 degrees for 2 1/2 to 3 hours or until turkey blows his tail off.

 

[Maverick2272]

Anyone got a handy wipe for my screen?!?!

 

[LPBeier]

Thanks Luvs2Cook and McNerd, those are varations on the same theme. My Mom was writing this recipe faithfully as it was read over the radio by one of her favourite talk show hosts until the last line. She NEVER listened to him again after that, realizing she had been dupped!

 

[mcnerd]

The turkey stuffing recipe has been around for many years and you are correct...the idea is to get a person to believe it is a real recipe until the last line. Then you wait for the reactions.

I actually had one young lady last year that did not get it at all and was fully planning on following the recipe exactly, until her boyfriend got her off to the side and 'explained'.

 

[smokymtnracer]

LMAO good stuff!!!

 

[HMGgal]

Anyone got a handy wipe for my screen?!?!

Oh My GOODNESS!!! Yeah, I'm laughing that hard too. In public. Getting dirty looks. They're just jealous. "When the turkey a$$ blows and and the oven door flies open and the bird jets across the kitchen" is KILLING ME. I'm such a visual person.