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Old 03-25-2014, 01:39 PM   #11
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Putting myself in your friend's position and being at that age, I would feel very uncomfortable accepting such a gift. So that may be all it is.

You might just have to accept that she doesn't wish to go. But I wouldn't push her too much, as it might cause a rift in your friendship.

I would just tell her that you will miss her and will see her when you get back.
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Old 03-25-2014, 01:50 PM   #12
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But if she won't go, her Mamma won't go, and her Mamma is so very excited to go!

Her Mamma calls me her "other daughter." I love them both so very, very much. I cannot imagine my life without them! I was so lonely before Laki came into my life, and she brought her Mamma, and this wealth of cooking, and kindness, and love and laughter and even black and white jokes! I shall not repeat of these here, for they may be offensive, of course.

I won't push, but I will tell her of the black people in Brasov and in Constanta we know, and just gently try to spark an interest of this. I am sure one must be curious of different races in odd countries such as Romania, yes?

I love all of you. You're so very, very helpful and kind to me. I'll be gentle, but I'll put in a supply of duct tape and a large suitcase, because she is going even if she is my baggage!

I'm only joking. I make dark humor when I'm hurt or worried. Maybe Americans don't do this.

With love,
~Cat
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:18 PM   #13
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Cat, we do understand your humor. And I for one love it.

Address her fears of race before anything else. But like you said, do it gently. I would do it with her mother present. Tell her and her mother exactly what you told us. Let her know that there is a community of black people. Let her know that a lot of them are successful.

Also address any fears of flying. It is a very real fear are a lot of people.

And speaking of flying Maxine says;

somewhere over the rainbow....

That's where the airline will find my luggage.
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:50 AM   #14
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I wrote her a letter and we talked so much tonight. I am exhausted but very happy, and now I must find my bed.

It took very much time with very gentle talk, and she has decided to go!

I thank all of you. I used many of your advice and so she will go.

I thank you all so very much! You all have saved me!

With love,
~Cat
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:34 AM   #15
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Hi Cat,
The first thing that came to my mind was that her Pride is hurt. Maybe it is hard to understand when you are trying to be so generous but that is the point you see. Sometimes someone needs to contribute and until they can they will go without. Maybe if you asked her if she could save up and pay for ,say, some petrol when you are there or cook some dinners for your family, anything really to give her back her pride. I know it isn't necessary to you and your family but it could be immense to her and her mum.
Otherwise, let her off the hook gently with maybe a promise to take her another year. Just don't force the issue or you could lose her friendship and that would be very sad.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:54 AM   #16
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Quote:
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Hi Cat,
The first thing that came to my mind was that her Pride is hurt. Maybe it is hard to understand when you are trying to be so generous but that is the point you see. Sometimes someone needs to contribute and until they can they will go without. Maybe if you asked her if she could save up and pay for ,say, some petrol when you are there or cook some dinners for your family, anything really to give her back her pride. I know it isn't necessary to you and your family but it could be immense to her and her mum.
Otherwise, let her off the hook gently with maybe a promise to take her another year. Just don't force the issue or you could lose her friendship and that would be very sad.
Quite true. Another thought to go with what menumaker said. Let her pay for some things when the two of you are out shopping. If she wants to pay for the coffee, let her. If she wants to buy some thing silly for you, let her. In her own way, let her pay back what she considers a very large debt. Let her keep her pride.
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Old 03-27-2014, 08:17 PM   #17
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I used that suggestion today, and she said she was saving her babysitting and lawn care money for this! She said she would feel better if she did, so I told her it was her money, and she could do with it as she wished and we wouldn't fuss about it. If she wants to pay for something, even if I think she should buy something for herself, I'll shut up and show her my respect for her this way.

They have no luggage! When they went to Ecuador, someone loaned these to them. DA came to the rescue! In the attic are four very nice suitcases and two garment bags she hasn't used since 1994!! I climbed up there, dragged them all down here, cleaned them up, sprayed them with Febreze and put them outside for to dry and freshen. They are in perfect condition, with very nice gold satin linings. I called Laki and told her of our finds, and she was so happy! One thing she does like, is to use things which other people don't need, so as not to waste of good things.

They have no cosmetic bags, so I went to the Vera Bradley website and there are some very nice ones in the discontinued patterns. I got Laki and LM each a set of three travel bags in different sizes for makeup, medicines, and toiletries. I have some nice material here, and if I buy small zippers, I can make them two nice jewelry bags!

Laki is becoming excited! Over their supper tonight, she brought her laptop to the table and she and her Mamma hunted up pictures of Romania and looked at them. I emailed a picture of a trash can and called it, "This is where I came from, Laki. Isn't it beautiful?" They laughed about that! Ha!

Now, I'm dragging four Americans over there, and I will have to educate them of traveling in Eastern Europe. There are hazards Americans don't think of, such as these:

1. Never leave a cellphone, camera, wallet, or purse unattended! It will be gone in a second. People will distract you at a restaurant with something interesting, you turn to look at it, and in a second, your things are stolen.

2. If you carry cash, for women, stick that in your bra. For men, put it inside your shoe. Never put cash in a wallet. Credit cards can be replaced, but cash is gone forever.

3. Don't worry about the stray dogs. We always have a handful of hard dog biscuits for them in a pocket or purse. Just give them a treat and pet them and go on your way.

4. Carry your passport on a short lanyard in a clear waterproof pouch around your neck. Mamma has a whole drawer full of these for us, as they entertain many business guests also from other countries. While these do target you as a tourist sometimes, no one can steal it.

5. Never give anyone your email address or phone number or anything personal. Romanian Internet is full of people looking for people from the West who may have money, and they will try to hack your information, using any information they have received from you. One of the methods to gain personal information is an offer to send you something.

There are many other things, but mostly it is just safety. Purses are important to keep safe. Always wear a crossbody purse with a zipper enclosure and use twist ties to tie the zipper to the strap, and carry it to your front, not the side.

I'm sure they will be wondering what an odd place they are visiting, but Romania is a poor country and the thieves abound and target tourists.

We won't be in any hotels, so I don't have to worry of that, thank goodness!

I wonder if Laki or LM have anything like a small tote bag or something for the carry-on items? I have a cloth sack I can use, and it will hold my Nook, puzzle book, journal, reading book, Acer computer, knitting or crocheting, Bible, and Bible study workbook. We can charge our laptops and Nooks in both homes, as there is a power converter for things of the different Hertz and voltage.

I had best call her. This will be very much time on airplanes, and it's always necessary to take things with you to keep yourself occupied. I'm sure we will talk much, according to the seating, but I'll be with DA and I'll need to keep her occupied also. I'll tell Carl and CM also.

This is going to be quite the education for them, yes? But such fun, I think!

With love,
~Cat
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:43 AM   #18
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Well Cat, sounds like you have everything under control. I know you are excited to share your world with them, but go slow. You are opening up a whole new world to them.

In reading this post of yours, I have to say, your English has improved so much from when you first joined us. You have become quite the jetsetter.
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Old 03-28-2014, 07:24 AM   #19
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Cat, I'm glad things are working out for the trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by CatPat View Post
4. Carry your passport on a short lanyard in a clear waterproof pouch around your neck. Mamma has a whole drawer full of these for us, as they entertain many business guests also from other countries. While these do target you as a tourist sometimes, no one can steal it.
I have a suggestion on this item: When we went to Europe, I kept my passport, credit card and cash in a pouch around my waist, under my clothes. This way, it was invisible and inaccessible to thieves
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Old 03-28-2014, 08:28 AM   #20
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I don't know about Romania, but some countries have coins that are worth several dollars. Canada has $2 coins. It can be handy to have a small coin purse easily accessible. It can have a reasonable amount of money for small purchases without exposing the "real money" to pickpockets.
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