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Old 01-17-2010, 07:56 PM   #1
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Venting

I closed down the old venting thread. It was getting pretty cumbersome for any new reader. Lets try to keep this one to just petty stuff. If you really need support or prayers please start a new thread so it can get the attention it deserves.

My petty little snotty vent is just that I got yelled at for nothing. I run a yoga program out of our community hall and today the floor was really gross. So after the class I called the person responsible for hall rentals and reported it. (Sounds logical so far right?) Well instead of saying thanks for the info I'll handle it, I got a blast about people blaming her and telling her what to do about the mess etc etc. I kept my cool, and asked her why she was yelling at me? She ranted some more. I told her I was not responsible for her upset, and had merely been doing what I thought she WANTED me to do and apologized for trying to be helpful. To her credit she backed down and apologized. She told me that I was just "in the line of fire". I responded by accepting the apology and letting her know I'd found her very rude.

I'm trying very hard to take the high road and just accept that apology and move on. I'm still TICKED OFF though. LOL. The venting has helped. Thanks for listening guys. Sometimes it just helps to get it out.

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Old 01-17-2010, 10:08 PM   #2
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Some people are just like that Alix.. they have a bad day and take it out on the first person who irks them a smidge. I can't understand it myself... but if she realized her mistake and that you weren't willing to take it from her, it likely won't happen again. Good for you on being the bigger person!

I have been taking WAYYY too long to finish our bathroom... I finally finished most of the bathtub tiling tonight, now I"m just waiting for the plaster to harden on one area and I can put the last few... then grout late tomorrow night.. and we can shower on Tuesday morning - or maybe night.. I am so excited... to shower in my own home again.. we've been going to the gym down the road where we have a membership.

SOOO it's been a year and a half since my mother left my father, and the divorce was "official" about seven months ago.. and my mother is already engaged and getting married in the fall. This bothers me quite a bit.. and she has been extremely insensitive to how I felt in the past, so I have just stopped saying anything... she announced the engagement on Christmas day in front of a dozen other people. I seriously wish she had told me in private... It was horrible to have a shock like that thrown on me. To my credit not many people said much, but I wonder if they already knew.

I honestly don't know what her hurry is to get married.. in the same year? I feel as if she isn't taking marriage seriously - like it's a game to her. The way she has been acting you would think she is 18 again... it's disconcerting. Good for her for feeling young.. but some of the things she has been doing are just inconsiderate.

Now I feel like a terrible daughter. She asked me to go to a bridal show with her a couple of weeks ago and I said I was busy. I knew that it would be ALL about her, and she would likely barely mention MY wedding next year. That's just how she has been since she left my dad.. self centered. Her fiance is a great guy and all.. but he's a pushover.. and he even said after she announced the engagement, "It's what she wanted, so I gave it to her!" and she agreed, saying she had been bugging him for a long time about it... WHAT?! How can you BUG someone about marrying you, especially after knowing them for only a scant six months?? I really don't get it.

SO here I am.. stuck between a rock and a hard place. Desperately wanting to ask her what she is thinking, to ask her if she even cares to ASK how I feel about it (which she did NOT)... and not being able to talk to her about it, because she would just get defensive and completely ignore what I feel. AND not to mention how HIS kids feel about a strange woman living with them only after knowing their father for a few months (she moved in about 3 months after they met), and then marrying him! Hah.

I just don't know what to think anymore. So, the day after I found out, I started destroying tiles in the bathroom with a hammer, and hence the bathroom reno commenced.

And so my story TILES together...
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:22 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Saphellae View Post
Some people are just like that Alix.. they have a bad day and take it out on the first person who irks them a smidge. I can't understand it myself... but if she realized her mistake and that you weren't willing to take it from her, it likely won't happen again. Good for you on being the bigger person!

I have been taking WAYYY too long to finish our bathroom... I finally finished most of the bathtub tiling tonight, now I"m just waiting for the plaster to harden on one area and I can put the last few... then grout late tomorrow night.. and we can shower on Tuesday morning - or maybe night.. I am so excited... to shower in my own home again.. we've been going to the gym down the road where we have a membership.

SOOO it's been a year and a half since my mother left my father, and the divorce was "official" about seven months ago.. and my mother is already engaged and getting married in the fall. This bothers me quite a bit.. and she has been extremely insensitive to how I felt in the past, so I have just stopped saying anything... she announced the engagement on Christmas day in front of a dozen other people. I seriously wish she had told me in private... It was horrible to have a shock like that thrown on me. To my credit not many people said much, but I wonder if they already knew.

I honestly don't know what her hurry is to get married.. in the same year? I feel as if she isn't taking marriage seriously - like it's a game to her. The way she has been acting you would think she is 18 again... it's disconcerting. Good for her for feeling young.. but some of the things she has been doing are just inconsiderate.

Now I feel like a terrible daughter. She asked me to go to a bridal show with her a couple of weeks ago and I said I was busy. I knew that it would be ALL about her, and she would likely barely mention MY wedding next year. That's just how she has been since she left my dad.. self centered. Her fiance is a great guy and all.. but he's a pushover.. and he even said after she announced the engagement, "It's what she wanted, so I gave it to her!" and she agreed, saying she had been bugging him for a long time about it... WHAT?! How can you BUG someone about marrying you, especially after knowing them for only a scant six months?? I really don't get it.

SO here I am.. stuck between a rock and a hard place. Desperately wanting to ask her what she is thinking, to ask her if she even cares to ASK how I feel about it (which she did NOT)... and not being able to talk to her about it, because she would just get defensive and completely ignore what I feel. AND not to mention how HIS kids feel about a strange woman living with them only after knowing their father for a few months (she moved in about 3 months after they met), and then marrying him! Hah.

I just don't know what to think anymore. So, the day after I found out, I started destroying tiles in the bathroom with a hammer, and hence the bathroom reno commenced.

And so my story TILES together...
Sweetie,
your mom is going to do what she wants to do. In her defense, I'd not want my children deciding what I can and cannot do, they have their own lives and I don't interfere. It's not my right. I your defense I can understand the hurt. But you have to realize there is a lot that goes on we don't let on to you, it's private. Don't let you mothers inconsiderate way make you unhappy. Just take joy in your coming wedding and let her be.I'd have gone to her shower and let her glory in the attention. Mom's do need that some times and to have their children be a part of it. It makes up for a lot of inattention when you were young and were the center of everything. We bask in this yes our kids come first, but at times we need it to. I think you are special and your turn will come. Be ready you will be a beautiful bride. Let it all go and just concentrate on YOU.
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:32 PM   #4
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It isn't really the whole story... she took my father for everything he had, and now he's struggling to pay his bills (he has no vehicle now.. had to sell it) while she has all of this money... she bartered with him for house appliances knowing full well she was going to sell them..took the house... she has just turned ruthless Kades.... I am seeing my dad in the poorhouse because of what happened, and she is prospering from it. It's hard to look away from that and be happy when she won't even talk to me .. I mean REALLY talk to me.. not just day to day how are you fluff... I understand she is her own person and that is absolutely not what this is about at all.. I just want to understand! She has changed 100% completely since last year.

I guess I am just having a hard time getting over something she refuses to talk sensibly about. So I am having a hard time feeling happy for her when it has been at the expense of my father. Kades it's been so bad he's been the hospital... I have only spoken to Nick about these things, so it's difficult to put it into the proper words I mean to get across.

(It wasn't a shower - it was just a bridal trade show with booths.. nothing special) I would certainly go to a shower if she had one and act as the happy daughter. The other reason I have not spoken to her about this is because I realize there is nothing I can or will do to keep her from having what she wants, but that doesn't mean I have to be 100% happy about it. She took my dad to the cleaners and is reaping the benefits while he is barely paying his mortgage and getting to work - so my MAIN problem is that I have slowly been starting to lose respect for her. That's tough to deal with when it's my own mother. It seriously takes ALOT to lose respect from me - but when someone is inconsiderate that REALLY gets me.
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:40 PM   #5
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Oh honey of course it is. I think I'd just let her go and devote my love and respect to my dad. He has had a hard time and you can give him some support and love. My good thoughts to you and your dad and may some of it inch in and wake your mom up. I'd be miserable if I lost any of my children. She is being really foolish. I pray she wakes up and soon.
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:49 PM   #6
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I don't see that happening Kades... She is going through some sort of midlife crisis.. or has completely reinvented herself.. my dad and I suggested she go for some therapy about a year before she left him...

My mother and I are complete opposites, because I don't understand how someone could do all of the awful things she's done to people who get in her way. I sometimes think she has no conscience in the back of her mind at all.. "hey, shouldn't we be thinking about that other person?". It just doesn't occur to her.

*sigh* I am dealing with it the best I can (destroying bathrooms for reno's far and wide), and sometimes I can pretend she's the same person, until she says something that completely makes you go, "What??!!?" She has this idealistic view of what life "should be like" - all of her friends are like that too. I don't think she cares who gets in her way - she'll get what she wants. I have told her before that I have considered not contacting her any more, and for a few days it was better - but it went downhill again. I can't understand how someone can change so drastically.

Enough with my venting.. sorry for taking up a full page!!! :) I must go try to sleep now... work comes early.. night!
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Old 01-18-2010, 08:58 AM   #7
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Saphellae, your story is not unique I am afraid. I've heard versions of it from two other close friends this year. It seems women do the midlife crisis thing in this way. Boy does that suck! And the fact that she seems to be relegating you to the periphery sucks too. It almost sounds like she knows what you might say to her and so she is avoiding any opportunity for that to occur.

You can't take sides, and yet you feel forced to do so. Blech. Support your Dad Saph. If your Mom complains at all, that will open the door to a conversation I think you both need. If the door opens, take a DEEP breath and say a prayer that you will stay calm and your words will be gentle enough to be heard.

Sending you hugs from afar.

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Old 01-18-2010, 06:15 PM   #8
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can i say, there are always two versions of events between two people. you may not know why she left in the first place.

your dad agreed to the terms of divorce that he is now living with.

i am sorry your mom is hurting you and that is what you should talk to her about.
the rest of the situation is between the two of them.
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Old 02-14-2010, 08:07 PM   #9
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Just got off the phone with my son, who is driving home from a Jr. rodeo with his girls. I am so glad we didn't go watch. Both my gran daughters ride and have done so since about 18 months old..The youngest today was almost hurt very badly, her horse fell she lost the reins and the horse took of taking her along. Good thing she has been riding all this time as she managed to grab the reins and finally stop the horse..Know what? her other gramps big tough cowboy that he is told her don't you dare cry. Yuppers...I am so angry with him I could kick from here to next week...ARGGGGG
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Old 03-01-2010, 10:33 PM   #10
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really wish i know why i am feeling so crummy today. woke up cranky, stayed cranky and got nothing done. then took a nap. i am sad , depressed, angry enough to bite the head of first person that crosses me. abel would be wise to stay away. he left a big mess in kitchen. i let him stay, cause of rain on sat. and he had a tooth ache. he is homeless now and not doing much about it. maybe that is part of it.

thank goodness i am old enough to know, that it will pass. in meantime, no one had better knock on door tonight.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:04 PM   #11
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Every time I see this topic, I expect to see a discussion of range hoods.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:13 PM   #12
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Every time I see this topic, I expect to see a discussion of range hoods.
Now there's an idea Copper or SS?
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Old 03-13-2010, 09:50 PM   #13
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Venting redux

i am still shaking i am so angry. some of you may recall my problems with the handyman. well he did it again today. let him stay over night ( so could get an early start on painting.) also fed him and his buddy. they are homeless, and don't seem to be doing anything about it. only has a bike for transportation. all of this is his own doing.

i have let him and friend stay before, especially with the rain. this time he showed on fri. supposed to be here tues. let it go once more, i sorta limit how lo ng he can stay at anyone time.

he left today to be gone an hour. that was at noon, got here about seven. same old bull, this happened, that happened and of course he did not phone.

i told him i do not want him in my life at all anymore. he had stuff in my laundry room , told him to get it out and leave.

i will do the painting myself. will take me longer but no bull from him. stretching out the sleeping here nights. i have dealt with him for three years and my patience is gone. three months ago his cousin threw him out, he asked to put stuff in my driveway for a week. it is still there. i told him out by the 31st or will have it hauled away. i believe i have been more that kind to him. and have paid him so he can treat me badly. well this little old lady is done.done.done. thanks for the vent.

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Old 03-14-2010, 04:24 PM   #14
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You are being taken advantage of. No way should any worker spend the night at your house unless he is a relative. Yes, helping the homeless sounds like a good idea, but NO. No, NO, no. You are putting yourself at risk to get a cheaper job? NO. Just say NO. I don't want to be seeing you on CNN next week.
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Old 03-15-2010, 08:52 PM   #15
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he was back a little while ago and was sanding on a bookcase in my driveway. told him to leave, he did not. told him again to leave or i would call my son . my son is a really big guy and appears to be a scary guy. not so, a pussy cat actually. but don't be mean to his mom. i think he is gone now, gonna check in a few min.
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Old 03-18-2010, 06:07 PM   #16
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are there no good handymen anywhere, went on line to an agency , guy called this am , made an appointment to give me estimates on furniture painting job. appointment was at 3:30. is now 4:00. if and when he shows up will simply send him away. if he can't be on time or call in order to make the sale, think how he would be for the project. i just got rid of one like that (see above) maybe they just don't like little old ladies. lol
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Old 03-19-2010, 07:41 AM   #17
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State Incime Taxes

Over the course of nearly a half century I have paid my state many many tens of thousands of dollars of income tax. I've always filed a paper return on forms and using instructions which up until last year were mailed to me by the state. In addition for the last several years I have been making mandatory quarterly estimated state income tax payments.

Two years ago the state discontinued mailing the required forms and applicable instructions to prior year tax payers. It's bad enough to have one's pocket picked by the taxing authorities and have to dig one's own grave by putting in considerabl time to arrive at one's tax liability. The discontinuation of mailing required forms to taxpayers adds insult to injury.

Are any of you old school folks, in states other than New York, also having to scrounge for state income tax forms and instructions?
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:54 PM   #18
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justplainbill - can't you get the forms online? I see states struggling to pay teacher's salaries and many of the forms that are mailed (an expense right there) are just thrown out (another expense).

I understand this is a venting thread, but am just trying to help! :)
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:01 PM   #19
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I don't know if my state, MA, mails forms anymore. It wouldn't surprise me at all. They have been cutting back in some bizarre ways.

For the past half dozen years or so, I have been using TurboTax to do my state and federal returns. I got tired of keeping up with the tax laws and figuring out the impact of what I did with my investments, etc.

Now with TT, I just key in some numbers and the software does the rest. If you want, it will even go to your broker's site and download the cost basis and capital gains info for you to calculate gains or losses on sales. It also includes electronic filing.
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:18 PM   #20
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justplainbill - can't you get the forms online? I see states struggling to pay teacher's salaries and many of the forms that are mailed (an expense right there) are just thrown out (another expense).

I understand this is a venting thread, but am just trying to help! :)
Thanks for the response, Linda.
That HP ink aint too cheap and I burn up enough of it printing out my backup (as filed copies) as well as the output from H&R Block's program. To boot, I'm saddled with needing to pay for a high speed internet connection to facilitate the acquisition of tax preparation software and those marvelous taxing authority forms that are 'readily' available online.
I'm convinced that big bro would like to be able to stick a needle in every taxPAYER'S arm so that they could perorm transfusions at will to our country's 'NEEDY' (NONTAXpayers & freeloaders).
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