i just read this on sesame street's web page, and thought it was funny.
The Joy of Cooking
What's cooking? Don't ask!
by Jahnna Beecham and Malcolm Hilgartner
Whenever things get a little too quiet around our house, Jahnna and I get worried. It usually means Dash, 8, and Skye, 5, are up to something. This can run the spectrum from carving their initials in the furniture to giving each other haircuts. And lately, cooking. Most people think cooking sounds like a nice, instructive family activity.
But in our house, instructions have nothing to do with it. Cooking means two kids throw a lot of mysterious ingredients into a bowl and two adults have to eat it. The following are some recipes you will never find in Good Housekeeping.
They were crafted in our test kitchen by our own little galloping gourmets.
DASH AND SKYE'S RECIPE FOR TEN POUND CAKE
All of the eggs in the refrigerator (shells optional)
A bag of flour
3 handfuls of sugar
What's left in the milk carton
That box of baking soda in the back of the fridge (not to be confused with baking powder)
1 bag of corn nuts
Mix and pour ingredients into casserole dish. Put in oven. Tell Mom and Dad you're baking a cake. When Dad rushes in, panicked that you're burning the house down, ask him to turn on the oven. After the cake is done, cover with two inches of blue frosting. Make sure to get blue food coloring all over the counters, floors, and on your clothes. (For extra bonus points, lose lid to food coloring bottle).
Decorate cake with two bags of red-hots. Take Mom a huge slice. Watch her to make sure she eats the whole thing. If she says, "Mmmm! This is just the way I like it--hard on the outside and spongy on the inside, with powdery pockets of baking soda and crunchy corn nuts," make her eat another piece. Twice as big.
For a near death experience, why not try:
SKYE'S TO-DIE-FOR SHAKE
Half a can of chocolate syrup
What's left of Mrs. Butterworth's maple syrup
Some ice cream
The secret ingredient: half a bottle of Calamine lotion!
Mix everything together in a tall glass. Give it to your best friend, Katie. After she throws up pink barf, tell Mom and Dad that Katie is sick. When they call the Poison Control hotline, swear Katie didn't drink any calamine lotion and if she did, it was, "maybe just a little bit, but you see, we needed some pink to go with the brown and white."
After Dad and Mom have called two pediatricians, one homeopath, and a pharmacist to be assured that Katie will live, and after Katie's mom has driven 90 miles an hour to get from her job in the next town to your house, do not ask if Katie can come over tomorrow.
Katie's mom will then let your mom know exactly what she thinks of her babysitting skills. And even six months later, when you think the whole event is forgotten and Katie comes back for a visit, she will announce, "I am not allowed to eat or drink anything in this house. I have brought my own food and water."
Jahnna Beecham and her husband Malcolm Hillgartner write films and books for children, including the Jewel Kingdom series of books (Scholastic).
Jahnna Beecham and Malcolm Hillgartner have written more than 70 books for teens and young readers. They live in Oregon with their two angelic children.