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Old 06-24-2005, 10:19 AM   #1
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The Joy Of Cooking: from Sesame Street

i just read this on sesame street's web page, and thought it was funny.

The Joy of Cooking

What's cooking? Don't ask!
by Jahnna Beecham and Malcolm Hilgartner





Whenever things get a little too quiet around our house, Jahnna and I get worried. It usually means Dash, 8, and Skye, 5, are up to something. This can run the spectrum from carving their initials in the furniture to giving each other haircuts. And lately, cooking. Most people think cooking sounds like a nice, instructive family activity.

But in our house, instructions have nothing to do with it. Cooking means two kids throw a lot of mysterious ingredients into a bowl and two adults have to eat it. The following are some recipes you will never find in Good Housekeeping. They were crafted in our test kitchen by our own little galloping gourmets.

DASH AND SKYE'S RECIPE FOR TEN POUND CAKE

All of the eggs in the refrigerator (shells optional)
A bag of flour
3 handfuls of sugar
What's left in the milk carton
That box of baking soda in the back of the fridge (not to be confused with baking powder)
1 bag of corn nuts

Mix and pour ingredients into casserole dish. Put in oven. Tell Mom and Dad you're baking a cake. When Dad rushes in, panicked that you're burning the house down, ask him to turn on the oven. After the cake is done, cover with two inches of blue frosting. Make sure to get blue food coloring all over the counters, floors, and on your clothes. (For extra bonus points, lose lid to food coloring bottle).

Decorate cake with two bags of red-hots. Take Mom a huge slice. Watch her to make sure she eats the whole thing. If she says, "Mmmm! This is just the way I like it--hard on the outside and spongy on the inside, with powdery pockets of baking soda and crunchy corn nuts," make her eat another piece. Twice as big.

For a near death experience, why not try:

SKYE'S TO-DIE-FOR SHAKE

Half a can of chocolate syrup
What's left of Mrs. Butterworth's maple syrup
Some ice cream
The secret ingredient: half a bottle of Calamine lotion!

Mix everything together in a tall glass. Give it to your best friend, Katie. After she throws up pink barf, tell Mom and Dad that Katie is sick. When they call the Poison Control hotline, swear Katie didn't drink any calamine lotion and if she did, it was, "maybe just a little bit, but you see, we needed some pink to go with the brown and white."

After Dad and Mom have called two pediatricians, one homeopath, and a pharmacist to be assured that Katie will live, and after Katie's mom has driven 90 miles an hour to get from her job in the next town to your house, do not ask if Katie can come over tomorrow.

Katie's mom will then let your mom know exactly what she thinks of her babysitting skills. And even six months later, when you think the whole event is forgotten and Katie comes back for a visit, she will announce, "I am not allowed to eat or drink anything in this house. I have brought my own food and water."

Bon appetit!
Jahnna Beecham and her husband Malcolm Hillgartner write films and books for children, including the Jewel Kingdom series of books (Scholastic).

Jahnna Beecham and Malcolm Hillgartner have written more than 70 books for teens and young readers. They live in Oregon with their two angelic children.

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Old 06-24-2005, 10:36 AM   #2
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roflmao bucky.... oh man is my sister in trouble because i can definately see my 2 nieces doing this !!
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Old 06-24-2005, 10:41 AM   #3
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Bucky, that is just too funny!!! I have tears streaming down my face!

My cousin's five-year-old is taking a cooking class this summer. I think I'll send this over to her so she knows what to expect!
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Old 06-24-2005, 04:06 PM   #4
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Good heavens, it's like a rerun of my kids in action!!

Thanks for the good ol belly laugh Bucky..NOw just sit back and wait YOUR TURN
kadesma, I promise you it's cominggggggg
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Old 06-24-2005, 10:16 PM   #5
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When's the party bucky??????????
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Old 06-24-2005, 10:54 PM   #6
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Oh, man, and I have twin sons. I think I'm going to padlock everything in the kitchen
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Old 06-24-2005, 10:55 PM   #7
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roflmao allen... twins ??? padlocks will never work lol
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Old 06-25-2005, 12:23 AM   #8
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Priceless, BT! Thanks for the laughs. The cake with the red hots really broke me up. Thought I'd share some chocolate moossee, moossee with you. "Heer, mooosee mooosee mooosee mooosee!"

Growing up with The Muppet Show, its characters and skits have made a deep and lasting impression on my psyche. My Miss Piggy poster beats Britanny Spears anyday. Now that I am older and into cooking, I am convinced the Swedish Chef was a Messy (Bloody) Gourmet!



Chocolate Mooose
Contributed by the Swedish Chef
Here is his classic Chocolate Mooose recipe. It must be read aloud to get the full effect!


Noo, toodie wee well meg dee chocolate mooose. Step oone, geet a five-pound block oof chocolate. <5 lb. chocolate hefted onto table. THUNK!>



Step twoo, get dee mooose. Heer, mooosee mooosee mooosee mooosee! <moose walks into kitchen.>

Step three, put dee mooose een dee bleender.<moose looks quizically as chef puts moose in blender, head first.Vreee! Vreee! Vruuunk!>

Nuutice: dee bleender cun't hundel dee entlers. Put dee entlers een last. <chef reverses moose, puts back in blender. Moose raises front legs in "why me?" gesture Vreee! Vreee! Vruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunknknknknk Chef pulls antlers out of blender>

Seeve dee entlers, yoo cun use dem fur furks.

Steep three: cuut chocolate eentoo leetle bite-size peeces. Heer, we uuse a cleever. < attempts to chop chocolate block with meat cleaver, but only succeeds in breaking the cleaver.>

Dees is guud chocolate. Weell, eef at furst yuu dun't succeed, pass dee buck. Get dee asseesteent. Aseesteent! <Miss Piggy, in chef's hat and apron, enters kitchen.> Asseesteent, pulees cuut dee chocolate eentoo leedle bite-size peeces. <Miss Piggy karate-chops chocolate block into little pieces, leaving chocolate all over counter.>

Theenk yooo, asseestent. <Miss Piggy leaves. Chef uses dustpan and broom to collect chocolate pieces>

Steep fuur, put chocolate een weeth mooose, und bleend egen.<dumps dumps chocolate into blender, and turns it on. He has forgotten to place the lid on the blender, however, and chocolate moose begins to cover the chef and his kitchen.>

Allweeys remembur oone uf twoo theengs. Eether puut dee leed on dee bleender, ur meg shuur det yuur diiners ur een dee keetchen. <Collects chocolate moose from his apron using his finger, then tastes it.>

Uum! Dees ees guud mooosee!




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Old 06-26-2005, 06:33 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenMI
Oh, man, and I have twin sons. I think I'm going to padlock everything in the kitchen
If you do this, Allen, make sure nobody gives the boys little toy tool sets as presents. My brother got one when he was about 2 or 3 years old, and went about his business quietly one morning.

Mom asked from the kitchen, "Whatcha doin', Davey?"

"Screwin."

He had slowly and purposefully removed all the doorknobs off every door in the house.
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Old 06-28-2005, 03:51 AM   #10
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mmmmmm, calamine lotion!
that's what i marinate my steaks in.
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