Hi; I'm sorry for your loss, as I have experienced that same loss with my own mother, father, and stepfather. I know how hard it is, even with strong faith. I watched each of them pass, and it was painful. But something that struck me, that didn't seem to be experienced by anyone else, that at the instant they passed from this life, the body, at least to me, became litteraly, an empty vessel. I knew that they were no longer inhabiting the physical body, but rather, left for another place, a place that I can't yet go to. And I also knew that I would be able to go there, and see them again, one day in the future. It wasn't a belief for me, but an observation about what happened at that direct instant.
My Dad wanted his ashes sprinkled into one of his favorite fishing streams, out in the middle of nowhere, and we did that. For my sister's sake, some were placed in an urn and into a cemetery, but only for her sake. The body, or what happened to it was unimportant to me, except to honor my Dad's wishes, because, he will get a new one.
I know I'm spouting beliefs that many don't adhere to. But for me, this makes life and death make so much more sense, and easier to understand and live with.
I truly hope that you have something too, that makes it all make sense and worthwhile to you.
We may not live next to each other, but here on DC, we are a real community, almost a family. And I care about you. my prayers are with you.
Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North