Kayelle
Chef Extraordinaire
Phew!! Llike Taxi, I'm very glad she brought up the subject! This means that half your problem is over, and it's not as bad as I had imagined.
I'm glad to read that your MIL brought it up.
Phew!! Llike Taxi, I'm very glad she brought up the subject! This means that half your problem is over, and it's not as bad as I had imagined.
Another one who's glad to hear that she brought it up first, RB. That must be a huge relief to you and Mrs. RB. Continued best wishes for you all.
Okay. Now that the financial problem has been addressed by your MIL, the next thing to address, is "Living in Harmony." Have you wife go around the house with her mother to address her needs. Assign a spot in the bathroom for her to keep her toiletries. No one else can use those. And she can't use yours. A place in the kitchen cabinet for foods that she likes that she will buy with her own money for snacking while watching TV or just late at night. How large a dresser does she think she will need for her personal clothing. Where will she store her memories that she wishes to keep. And she will want to bring little dodads that hold memories for her. I would suggest a large dresser with a mirror. If she is a reader, a small bookcase to hold her books that she treasures. That can either go in your LR or her BR. Give her a comfortable chair to sit in, in her room with a reading lamp.
Make sure she is part of all decision making that affects her. How much housework is she capable of doing and does she want to do any other than in her bedroom. Remember, for both you and your wife, that is HER bedroom and a private place that is off limits to you and your wife. Always knock before you enter. Wait for a response from her.
Next the TV. Her taste in programs may differ widely from yours. A TV in her room or not. Will it involve extra cost a month for a box for cable? Andy gave you some great advice about settling on a final cost of her staying with you.
The Kitchen - Does she have special foods and snacks she likes? Can she help in the kitchen or cook a meal about once a week for the three of you. This is an area for your wife to explore with her mother. Some women do not like anyone in their kitchen. Others welcome the help. After dinner cleanup. Can she help?
Since you are both of retirement age, she is most likely 20 years older than the both of you. She tires more easily and gets colder very quickly. She may not be up to helping with housework every day. Just making her bed can be a chore for her. And some days, she may not even want to get out of bed. But at mealtimes, she has to come to the table to eat. Other than being sick.
I agree with Addie about a loose plan for "Living in Harmony".
For my two cents I would add!
Each person needs a quiet private space or corner to indulge themselves away from the others. Just because you live together doesn't mean you need to be together.
Be polite to each other and be neat in the common areas. We tend to treat strangers better than we treat the people we live with.
Get out of the house for a few hours everyday, if possible, get some fresh air and fresh news. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Things will fall into place after the "Honeymoon" period when everyone relaxes and your MIL is no longer a guest!
Good luck!
Update:
Had the discussion yesterday and it went very well. Her contribution will be/should be enough to cover everything and even a bit more!
I also had her very own satellite receiver (TV) installed this week. She wrote me a check on the spot for any extra cost.
I wish I had not used frugal and cheap in earlier comments as it turns out she is neither. At least not anymore.
All is well and looking promising in the future.
Thanks everyone for the advice. It helped me very much.
What Kayelle said.Thanks for following this up with us RB, it's always nice to hear a conclusion. You're MIL is lucky to have a guy like you in her life, and bless you for being the man any MIL would be happy to call a son.
Update:
Had the discussion yesterday and it went very well. Her contribution will be/should be enough to cover everything and even a bit more!
I also had her very own satellite receiver (TV) installed this week. She wrote me a check on the spot for any extra cost.
I wish I had not used frugal and cheap in earlier comments as it turns out she is neither. At least not anymore.
All is well and looking promising in the future.
Thanks everyone for the advice. It helped me very much.
You don't even have to be widowed to think this way Katie, just getting old enough to see retirement on the horizon and wondering if you need "just a little more" to make things comfy for the rest of your time. I don't hesitate to call myself "cheap" on occasion. At least I don't squeak when I walk. Yet.Nothing wrong with being frugal/cheap. It may have been that she was concerned about how long her funds would last. I recall being very frightened about finances when Buck died...
Sounds like things went the best way possible for you. It's difficult to discuss money in any situation. Glad to hear it's all worked out smoothly for you R_B.
You don't even have to be widowed to think this way Katie, just getting old enough to see retirement on the horizon and wondering if you need "just a little more" to make things comfy for the rest of your time. I don't hesitate to call myself "cheap" on occasion. At least I don't squeak when I walk. Yet.
Thanks for following this up with us RB, it's always nice to hear a conclusion. You're MIL is lucky to have a guy like you in her life, and bless you for being the man any MIL would be happy to call a son.
Great news!
Now, does your MIL have any secret recipes we should know about?
Now is the time to get them down on paper for future generations!
I wish I still had a chance to ask my Mom a few questions about some of her recipes.
That has to be a load off your mind. I'm glad it went well. You need not feel guilty about your thoughts. They are what experience told you. It's always a sensitive area.
My mother was a generous miser. She was frugal, so she could have the things and vacations that she thought were worthwhile and so she could be generous..... appreciate the "frugal and cheap" bit -
could be why she has the funds to cover what is now needed.
my brother spent everything, and more. if he made $1000, he spent $1500 figuring he'd always get more.
his widow is not so fortunate.
My mother was a generous miser. She was frugal, so she could have the things and vacations that she thought were worthwhile and so she could be generous.
It seems my husband is intent on dying penniless. I am the complete opposite. I guess we balance each other. Any time we go out to eat with others, he grabs that check before it even hits the table, even if we have paid the past 5 times. No wonder people like to go out with us. LOL I am very frugal....always looking for a way to save a penny.