I don't know if they still sell squirt guns. I'd go to the toy store and check out the Star Wars section and get a replica super soaker. That'll show 'em.
I could have a similar dilemma. I allow the girls on the table Except during meal times. My kitchen eating area is surrounded by windows on 3 sides, so I pushed the table against the double windows, better for them to check out the bird feeders in the back yard. They can easily jump across to a side board as well. My oldest is too old to jump on the table direct, so I keep a chair pulled out for her to make it up there. If I am too lazy to swab the deck before dinner, I just use place mats.
At dinner, it's no feet on the table. Now that could be too confusing for them. How I handle it is to feed them just before I make up my own plate. They are busy for a few minutes and then they are off for after dinner baths and preening.
I do Not allow them on the kitchen counters, and there is no reason for them to jump up there nor did I ever think they ever did so. I never heard a thump if they jumped down again. Well, you know they are inquisitive.
I once put a new stick of butter on a plate and set it inside a cupboard. Come time to use it and I thought that's funny, why are the edges completely rounded on one end instead of it being squared off. Then I heard a cupboard door slam pretty soon after, and my doors are heavy. Little Miss light on her feet but growing bigger in the belly by the minute was a busy girl. Except in summer, I like to keep the butter out of the fridge. Now I store it in the microwave, since they haven't figured how to open that door. Yet.