Y'all are making me hungry!!
How does one make grits exactly?
And is there a southern cookbook with all these in it?
One of our DC community members has a great southern cooking website and blog. Check it out:
Southern Cooking Like Only Mama Can!
As for southern cookbooks, there are thousands of them. Many are very good, but some are not so good. Also, keep in mind that there are strong regional differences in southern cooking. For a good basic cookbook with clear, well-written explanations of techniques and regional variations as well as great recipes, here are two that I recommend:
The Southern Cook's Handbook by Courtney Taylor:
http://www.amazon.com/Southern-Cooks-Handbook-Step-Step/dp/1893062708/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230901151&sr=8-2
The Gift of Southern Cooking by Edna Lewis and Scott Peacock:
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Southern-Cooking-Revelations-American/dp/0375400354/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230901719&sr=8-3
The Quaker Quick Grits that Uncle Bob recommended are the most widely distributed national brand and are edible, but not great. Quaker also makes several varieties of "instant grits" which, in my opinion, are not edible and shouldn't be confused with the quick grits.
To me, the best grits are old fashioned stone ground cream style white grits, from a mill in the South. My favorite supermarket brand is Dixie Lily, but they are hard to find at the moment due to a recent sale of the company and their failure, to date, to set up a new distribution network.
Even better, order your grits online from one of the independent small mills. Google "stone ground grits" and take your choice of several. Pick one from the deep south if you want authentic, traditional southern grits.
One such source is Anson Mills, in South Carolina. They offer both yellow and white quick grits and old fashioned (slow-cooking) grits. I prefer old fashioned white grits:
http://www.ansonmills.com/products-page.htm