What's been happening in my life (Beth's Story)

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bethzaring

Master Chef
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Apr 18, 2005
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Northern New Mexico
For the past year Rich (dh) was having what he called indigestion. Then he started to have spasms that he called hiccups. Eating was getting problematic and uncomfortable, so he finally decided to go to his primary care physician. He was referred to a stomach specialist who recommended a colonoscopy and endoscopy (sending a camera down his throat to look at his stomach). I accompanied him to these procedures on October 7th. During the endoscopy, the doctor said, “whoa, you have stomach cancer”. As we were exiting that hospital, Rich stopped to call his brother who is a doctor. Tom immediately recommended that Rich be seen at a larger hospital than the regional hospital where the first endoscopy had just been performed. And that was wise advice. The pathology report from this regional hospital came back “non-malignant”, which was not the case. These same pathology slides of the stomach biopsy accompanied Rich to Nashville where he spent 10 days of more tests, scopes, CT scans, and meetings with cancer specialists and treatment oncologists. This hospital read the biopsy slides not only as malignant, but as adenocarcinoma. The recommended treatment was 3 courses of chemotherapy so severe he would be hospitalized for 2 months, then surgery to remove his entire stomach and where ever the cancer had metastized, then more chemotherapy. Recovery from this treatment would be up to one year. It took Rich a nano second to decide this was a course of treatment that he did not want to endure.

A few weeks ago we enrolled him in Hospice and he is very happy with that decision. At this point Hospice visits weekly and have been very helpful in answering all our questions.

Since October 7th, Rich has been focusing on preparing the house and homestead to make it easier for me to stay here. Most days he has felt okay, good enough to work on the various lists he makes daily. And he has accomplished a great deal of work so far, with the help of many friends. The house has been re-roofed, he has completed our part of the work required to hook us up to county water. We have always had our own water system that relies on two electrical pumps. County water will flow even if the electricity doesn’t, and I won’t have to deal with the next time the submergible pump stops working. Our own spring water has also corroded our faucetts and he has ordered all nine new faucetts. Yesterday I ordered a new Bosch range and dishwasher and a new refrigerator. He has now replaced all three toilets with Toto water conserving toilets and two years ago we purchased a new front loading washing machine. So I should be set for low water usage since I will now be paying for water.

Our long range plan had been to keep the goats until we reached the age of 70, for eleven more years. I knew I could not take care of the goats by myself and especially when I was going to be taking care of Rich. So it was heart breaking to make the decision to sell the entire herd. The goats left on November 14th. But that has enabled Rich to complete another major project, with the help of 3 friends, to remove all the fencing that contained the goats in a 6 acre parcel. That will make mowing so much easier for me with the tractor and bush hog. I plan to hire someone to mow the back hayfields once a year, but will have my hands full with mowing around the house, barns, garden and front hay field.

We are definetly taking one day at a time. We hope Rich feels good enough to travel to Nashville for Christmas to see his Mom and both brothers. We actually feel blessed to have this time to get our affairs in order. One does not always get a heads up when your end is near.

Eating remains problematic for Rich and has many foods that he does not tolerate. He eats many very small meals a day. Ice cream is a staple in his diet right now. That means it is impossible for me to participate in the “What’s for Dinner?” thread. I don’t know which tiny meal/snack is dinner anymore.

I find I don’t have much of an attention span these days and don’t spend time on the forums that used to interest me. But we do ask for any prayers and positive thoughts for Rich to maintain his present level of health for as long as possible.
 
Beth you know we are here for you whenever you find a moment to be with us. My prayers go up for you and Rich and you know that my ears are yours whenever you need them. (OK I guess its really my eyes and fingers but you know what I mean)

Take care dear Beth, and come when you can.
 
Wow. My sympathies and a big cyber-hug.
I understand his decision, I think, but golly, what pain for everyone involved.
If there is such a thing as psychic support, I am beaming it out.
wow.
 
You have my most heartfelt prayers and thought Beth. I am so sorry you and Rich have to go through this.
 
Beth, I've no words that will make this easier or make it go away..All I can give is my love and prayer that the Lord makes this time easier and as peaceful as possible for all of you. Life has a way of jerking us around when we least expect it. Know that you will be in my thoughts and my prayers..If you need to talk or just cry or yell, I'm here for you.
cj
 
I'm so sorry, Beth! :(

You have my thoughts, prayers and especially hugs!!


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Beth, you will be added to my prayers. My mother made a similar decision after the cancer returned for her. We had some good talks before she died. It's great that you've involved hospice already. They can be a wonderful support through this. I'm glad he's feeling well enough to do things yet. Know that the folks here at DC will be here when you need us.
 
I am so sorry to hear of Rich's cancer, Beth. My heart goes out to you both.

I must also say how brave and strong it is of Rich to make that decision. Treating cancer is not always the best thing. Quality of life is so very important.

Put us on the backburner until you are ready. We will still be here when you return. Take care.
 
Thanks for the update Beth! You know y'all have been in my thoughts and prayers, and will continue to be....God bless and comfort both of you!
 
I am so sorry to hear about this. Rich must be one of the greatest people I've heard of to take such tender thoughts about your time after he is gone. Many people wouldn't have that as their major concern, but it shows what a nice and thoughtful person he is. My prayer is that he will be comfortable for a long time and the time you share will be a memorable one. You both are in my prayers also. We never know when life may throw any of us a sharp curve and you both are examples of the best way to accept it.
 
Beth, I'm "sticking" this thread for a bit. I've had a request that we have a spot to send you our good wishes and our prayers. I think this is the best way.

Much love to you and Rich dear friend.
 
Hi Beth,
hope the two of you are having some calm and peaceful days.Know you are in my thoughts and prayers every day.....


cj
 
Beth, I have sent my prayers and thoughts through another thread and FB, but this is the first time I found this thread. Reading what you have gone through makes it all the more real. As Alix says, we are here for you and appreciate your time whenever you can join us. {{{{{{{{{{Beth & Rich}}}}}}}}}}
 
Hi Beth! My thoughts are with you on this Friday. Was your husband able to enjoy the pizza you made?

You always have my prayers.

Yes, he enjoyed the pizza. He ended up having 4 slices that day, one slice about every 2 hours. I made a sauted onion and garlic, venison summer sausage, red sauce, and home made mozzarella cheese pizzas. The first three slices went down with no problems. The fourth slice caused a sudden exit from the dinner table in the general direction of the bath room....but he insisted that exit was "normal" and in no way was associated with the pizza;). I am making two pizzas more today.

His energy level varies, but he continues with the home improvement projects. We are now hooked up to the rural water company at the house. I do not like the taste of it. The barn still has our own spring water available at the freeze proof hydrant, so I go there daily to get water for drinking, coffee and tea. I still really miss the goats and going to the barn makes me sad.

Three faucetts have been replaced so far; all three on the top floor, which was the bathroom basin and shower, and the kitchen sink. Rich started to build this house in 1986 and finished it the winter of 1994. We moved into the top floor in 1988 which was finished first. One winter project is to repaint the entire interior of the house which has not been repainted at all. In the basement he is replacing the laundry tub/sink and the faucett. Well, since he had to remove the old tub, he decided to start the interior painting project with the laundry room, yesterday, to paint the room since the laundry tub was already out. So we inched the washing machine and dryer out, prepped and taped the room and got the first coat of trim paint applied. Today he is painting the first coat and I will join in later with the second trim coat. I am in the kitchen this morning making pancakes, dinner rolls and two pizzas. He needs quite a bit of looking after. Making sure I have bread products and ice cream in stock, and seeing he sits down every two hours to eat something, giving him his medicines which he has never taken any before, making a tummy soothing tea, making sure he is home when Hospice makes their weekly visit:). It looks like we will be able to make the trip to Tennessee for Christmas. He feels so much better now that we have a grip on handling his symptoms better. God bless immodium:LOL:.

The visits have slowed down a bit which is good. I heard him say several times to people who have stopped by, that he feels like he is hosting his own funeral:). We have postponed a few visitors too. It was turning into quite an intrusion on our time together, let alone preventing progress on the projects. Being the perfectionist, he wants to do most of the work himself. A few carefully selected friends have been asked to help with the majority of the interior painting. Friends he can trust to tape the woodwork properly and not apply too much paint close to the tape so the paint is not disturbed when the tape is removed:-p. Did I mention he is a prefectionist?

And I am doing much better with learning the 16 steps to balancing the bank statement:LOL:. I no longer hyperventilate when we sit down to the computer and the MS Money program. That issue is one reason for the anti-anxiety meds for me.;)

So we are plugging along and keeping our sense of humor. He has now asked me to get travel sized toiletries for him:).

Prayers and good vibes always appreciated...
 
beth,

I wish you both even more strength you have already shown here... You can be proud to have such a brave ahead-thinking husband..
 
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