Reciprocity

[babetoo]

no people that i know that are my age, entertain at all. i think that is sad. they say it is just to much trouble. my family hardly ever cooks for me. they say they can't compete. i think that is a cop out. on the rare occasion, that they do host, they always want me to bring something big. no rest for the wicked i guess.

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Few people are willing to step up. We were going to have an office pot-luck. I suggested to one of my co-workers that we could both bring our own versions of a particular dish. I wanted to taste someone else's idea of the dish. But the co-worker refused because she said she couldn't compete with me. I wasn't looking for competition and told her so. She still refused.

It seems that when you build a reputation for something, everyone relies on you for that dish, and won't make it themselves.

I had to be impressed with my eldest son last July when we were visiting with him and his wonderful wife and our grandkids. We had a night planned where I was to make egg rolls with pineapple sweet and sour sauce, and crab rangoons. My wife and I ended up at an activity much too late (she's slow), and it was too late to make the egg rolls. My son took it upon himself to make them, from what he remembered of my recipe. They came out every bit as good as if I'd been there cooking. It was his first attempt. I made and introduced the rangoons to his wife's grandparents, who had never had them before. They demanded that my DIL learn to make those wonderful rangoons. But my son had stepped up and took my place, and did a wonderful job of it.

That's the only time it's happened though. Usually, if I want something for my birthday, foodwise, I'd better be prepared to make it. Knowing how to cook well is both a blessing and a curse. People come to expect you to do what you know how to do, but usually aren't willing to put in the time or effort to learn how to make whatever it is themselves.

I do have to say that my daughters are the exception to the rule. They love to create new and interesting dishes as much as I do. But with kids, school, and jobs, they have less time to do it.

Claire, keep being a great host, but on your own terms.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North

[Aunt Bea]

I used to enjoy home entertaining and I was almost never invited to my guests homes in return.

A couple of close friends told me that it was because I went overboard with the fancy china, silver etc... and or because I am such a good cook. The general idea was that I intimidated them.

So I stopped!

Now I have one or two close friends in for a "drink" or "coffee" or I take people to a restaurant.

I still do not get invited out but, now its a lot less work and a lot less expensive.

Do what you are comfortable with and enjoy yourself.

[licia]

I suppose I should certainly be thankful for our good friends. Most of them invite us to their homes as much as we invite them..which isn't as often as when we were a bit younger. Many of them are happy to have a quick meal with us whenever we ask and some do have fancier china, crystal, etc than we do, but we all have at least as much fun at our house. Dh has invited his entire SS class and their spouses out for sometime in October. We will probably have a cookout but about 50 people can really eat some food. We enjoy it as much as they do and I have everything prepared ahead if possible.

[4meandthem]

We used to entertain ALOT. Then a few times people backed out at the last minute with some pretty crappy reasons so we cut way back. We are still good friends but the only time we dine together now is at a restaurant or a larger party one of them is having for an occasion. (usually catered). I did throw a Mexican BBQ party this summer but it was at the request of my SIL and she invited half the people.

[CharlieD]

Gosh, this seems to be the problem across the board, I am only 51 and my wife is all together a kid of 40 something, but our friends, majority of whom even yonger, do not want to make parties. I have giving up on them, but in all the truth am not willing to shell money out on my own every time. So we cut down our parties by at least 75%, at least.

[pacanis]

Originally Posted by Goodweed of the North

Few people are willing to step up. We were going to have an office pot-luck. I suggested to one of my co-workers that we could both bring our own versions of a particular dish. I wanted to taste someone else's idea of the dish. But the co-worker refused because she said she couldn't compete with me. I wasn't looking for competition and told her so. She still refused.

If you are truly interested in just trying their version of the dish, perhaps you could suggest an exchange on your own, without all your co-workers weighing in on things. Some people are put off by judgement, comments or voting. The office party might be too big a stage for them. Especially bringing the exact same dish as someone else... People around here try not to bring the same dish as someone else to the same gathering.

[Dawgluver]

Originally Posted by pacanis

If you are truly interested in just trying their version of the dish, perhaps you could suggest an exchange on your own, without all your co-workers weighing in on things. Some people are put off by judgement, comments or voting. The office party might be too big a stage for them. Especially bringing the exact same dish as someone else... People around here try not to bring the same dish as someone else to the same gathering.

Well said, Pac.

[purple.alien.giraffe]

Originally Posted by Goodweed of the North

Few people are willing to step up. We were going to have an office pot-luck. I suggested to one of my co-workers that we could both bring our own versions of a particular dish. I wanted to taste someone else's idea of the dish. But the co-worker refused because she said she couldn't compete with me. I wasn't looking for competition and told her so. She still refused.

It seems that when you build a reputation for something, everyone relies on you for that dish, and won't make it themselves.

I had to be impressed with my eldest son last July when we were visiting with him and his wonderful wife and our grandkids. We had a night planned where I was to make egg rolls with pineapple sweet and sour sauce, and crab rangoons. My wife and I ended up at an activity much too late (she's slow), and it was too late to make the egg rolls. My son took it upon himself to make them, from what he remembered of my recipe. They came out every bit as good as if I'd been there cooking. It was his first attempt. I made and introduced the rangoons to his wife's grandparents, who had never had them before. They demanded that my DIL learn to make those wonderful rangoons. But my son had stepped up and took my place, and did a wonderful job of it.

That's the only time it's happened though. Usually, if I want something for my birthday, foodwise, I'd better be prepared to make it. Knowing how to cook well is both a blessing and a curse. People come to expect you to do what you know how to do, but usually aren't willing to put in the time or effort to learn how to make whatever it is themselves.

I do have to say that my daughters are the exception to the rule. They love to create new and interesting dishes as much as I do. But with kids, school, and jobs, they have less time to do it.

Claire, keep being a great host, but on your own terms.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North

Plus every time I've offered to make dinner for your birthday you've said you'd rather try an experiment and see what we can come up with together.

The hubby and I rarely entertain. First because we couldn't afford to (for a while we lived off of ramen, hamburger, frozen vegetables and the occasional supplement from mom and dad when they could afford it) and then because we were both working full time and I was going to school full time. When I took a break from school I started my current job and a lot of times the fact that I work thirds and don't have weekends off made it difficult. Most people just aren't on a compatible schedule. I'm hoping once we get down state the hubby and I will have time to invite people over.

[Claire]

Originally Posted by purple.alien.giraffe

Plus every time I've offered to make dinner for your birthday you've said you'd rather try an experiment and see what we can come up with together.

The hubby and I rarely entertain. First because we couldn't afford to (for a while we lived off of ramen, hamburger, frozen vegetables and the occasional supplement from mom and dad when they could afford it) and then because we were both working full time and I was going to school full time. When I took a break from school I started my current job and a lot of times the fact that I work thirds and don't have weekends off made it difficult. Most people just aren't on a compatible schedule. I'm hoping once we get down state the hubby and I will have time to invite people over.

That is why potluck was invented. If what you can afford is noodles and a can of tomatoes, that's what you do. Another person can only afford a bag of flour and some eggs, and likes to bake, so they contribute a cake. Everyone brings their own hootch or pop. It is an excuse to get together. My only problem has been that it seems to be only at my house, not the cooking involved, because that's why I want people to be here. Husband and I have determined that, screw it, we'll clean and get people here. WE've never had a problem assigning people to certain dishes/jobs. But we want to keep socially active.

My husband actually tried, and could not find, someone to clean the house before or after. Remember, we're talking a very small town. THAT's the big deal for me. If someone would come in and dust and mop and scrub toilets for an hour or so the morning before, I'd be a very happy girl. I really don't mind the clean up (don't tell my husband that), I slug around, picking up glasses and plates (Yes, I'm doing that as I write), wipe up messes. It's getting the house ready for guests that makes me crazey.