A littel Wild Turkey Story I wrote about 3 years back comes to mind here.
Turkey Story (Kind of like a good fish story)
It's all about those exercised muscles.
Two wild turkeys struttin' there stuff: " Hey, Girly-boy turkey. let me fluff my tail feathers in front of you. The women are gonna go for me. Just watch me strut my stuff, and take lessons boy."
"Get outta here, you bag of goose-down." I got a three inch dew-claw on the back of each leg that says you better find a new neighborhood."
"Why that little dew claw of yours aint big enough to menace an earth worm."
"Yeah, well an earth worm has more strength than that puny neck of yours, But then again, it don't take much to hold up that empty head."
"C'mere boy. You're gonna find out right now how empty my head is."
"Yeah fluff boy, bring it on."
"Gawk, ow, you're gonna pay for that!..."
"Arrrgh, get yer foot outta my eye!"
"#*@$# bird brain. Take that!" POW
Off in the distance - "Hey Erma. Wanna come over to my tree? It's quiet there. We won't have to listen to those amatures over there."
"Why yes, Clem."
"Oh, and did I mention that I heard some human squakin' his turkey caller over by those two yardbirds?"
"Why no you didn't. Do you think we should warn them?"
"Oh no. The human's far to close. It's too dangerous. You just come with me to my tree. We can watch from there."
"Well, if you thinks it's too dangerous. And besides, a bath in scalding, I mean hot water, will quiet those two."
"Yup, it's gonna be tough tukey for those boys come thanksgiving day, if you get my drift."
"Oh Clem, you're so bad..."
"Claire. Are those turkeys ready to come outta the oven yet? The aroma is killin' me. I'm starved."
"Well you're just gonna have to wait. You shot two of the toughest Toms I've ever cooked. I just might have to put 'em in a stew."
"Then how 'bout a sandwich to hold me over."
"You got two arms and two legs. Come in here and make yourself a sandwich. And while your at it, you can peel some spuds."
Hubby sneaks up on his best friend/wife and plants a kiss on her cheek. "Honey, I love you so much. But you know, with your cooking, maybe we could sell that turkey meat to shoe stores, you know, to make tennis shoe soles."
She whirls and pokes him in the ribs with two fingers. He grins from ear to ear as he laughingly continues "Or maybe we can sell them to the road commision, you know to mix with tar for road construction."
He's at a dead run from the kitchen now as Claire picks up a sopping wet sponge to hurl at her goofball Husband.
Just another day in the life of Claire.
Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North