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Old 05-12-2006, 08:37 AM   #1
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100 Things to Do in an Elevator

1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.
3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".
6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.
8) On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
9) Shave.
10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off
13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
16) One word: Flatulence!
17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
18) Do Tai Chi exercises.
19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.
22) Meow occasionally.
23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
28) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
31) Leave a box between the doors.
32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
34) Start a sing-along.
35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
36) Play the harmonica.
37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
38) Lean against the button panel.
39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
42) Bring a chair along.
43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
44) Blow spit bubbles.
45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
48) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"
52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plummet to the floor, what do you think will happen?"
53) Pretend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes
53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasn’t your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, **** you SATAN! **** YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.
54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "****ing head lice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"
55) Set out a picnic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea
56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you
57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait until its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax
58) Start to talk about your sex life. Tell them that all of your three children were conceived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"
59) Have sex with your imaginary friend
60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you
61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"
62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia
63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one piece (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"
64) Perform a striptease
65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"
66) Fake an orgasm when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever
67) Let your mobile phone ring - don’t answer it.
68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, there’s nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"
69) Say "this new g-string is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.
70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being buried alive. Ah those were the days"
71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor
72)Paint the walls of the lift.
73) On entering, ask the passengers if they want to be your friend. Burst into tears if they say no.
74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"
75) Get back to nature - go in naked
76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speak into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"
77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh here’s my floor"
78) Serve tea and coffee
79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others don’t
80) Act like the sergeant of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.
81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too
82) Teach the people French. Don’t let them leave till they get it right
83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
84) Insist, the lift ride costs 2.50
85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"
86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency
87) Yodel
88) Bring out a magnifying glass, closely inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"
89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.
90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my Eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.
91) Try break-dancing
92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"
93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".
94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.
95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"
96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."
97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"
98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
101) Explain to the passengers that this lift looks the same as the ones on all the other floors.
102) Re-enact scenes from a movie where someone climbs out through the roof.
103) Tell people their clothes are stuck in the lift door, when the look round and see it isn't, apologize, then 5 seconds later say it again in exactly the same tone of voice.
104) Strip naked and ask if 'your' (not my) bum looks big in this dress.
105) Release cockroaches and rats or doves.
106) Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
107) Point a fire extinguisher at the door as it opens and a passenger tries to enter, ready, aim, and bend the nozzle round and cover yourself with foam.
108) Blast out some heavy metal music (Rammstein or Disturbed oughtta do the trick) sing along, while headbanging.


Peace, Love, and Vegetable Rights!
Eat Meat and Save the Plants!
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Old 05-12-2006, 09:21 AM   #2
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I never thought an elevator ride could be so much fun
Let's wait until Ken sees this... I am sure he is going to expand this list

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Old 05-12-2006, 10:13 AM   #3
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Nothing like a good British joke. I, guess, they are just too polite to mention having sex in the elevator, oh, pardon me, I ment to say Lift.
You are what you eat.
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Old 05-12-2006, 02:13 PM   #4
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lol usually phobic, maybe I can distract myself now lol
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Herm Albrighthttp://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g1...s/tripcopy.jpg
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Old 05-12-2006, 04:15 PM   #5
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Allen, you have a sick mind!! I like you!! LOL
I was a little afraid of what might be in here when I read you title. For some reason, I thougt of Aerosmith!! LOL
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Old 05-12-2006, 05:13 PM   #6
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...might do some of them just for fun...:) LOL
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Old 05-13-2006, 08:40 AM   #7
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I have a few of these type of "lists". I'll post another one for you all.

Peace, Love, and Vegetable Rights!
Eat Meat and Save the Plants!
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