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Old 09-06-2006, 08:14 PM   #1
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Unhappy Being a houseguest

I'm a child of the 60's. I was taught that if you borrowed something from a neighbour, you returned it. If you borrowed an ingredient, you gave them some of what you made, plus returned the ingredient. If you went visiting, you never ever went empty handed.

Oddly enough, I don't know many people who were taught this. Or the attitudes have changed along with the inability to pen a coherent thought complete with appropriate grammar.

My boyfriend and I (he's the same way I am...never go empty handed) were recently invited to a birthday/bbq. The invite clearly stated no gifts. Great. It also said plenty of food and beverages. Fine. Naturally, we stopped at a local bakery first. Closed for the holiday weekend. Same thing with the second bakery. We ended up at a diner, buying a $32 strawberry shortcake. I was happy to do it because it felt right. The hostess received it graciously. It was displayed with the other desserts. It made me happy to bring it, it made others happy to eat it.

But no one else did it. I've had parties and parties and parties here at home. If I invite 50 people, 5 will bring something. 5. What happened? Did I miss some social revolution where even the smallest gesture of a rose from one's own garden is considered too much effort?

I most surely am not trying to guilt anyone into a confession, but I do wonder... do people not consider it necessary to present a small gift when visiting? (I don't necessarily mean visiting family....)

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Old 09-06-2006, 08:18 PM   #2
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Hmmm I have not noticed this trend. Every party/bbq/event I have been to everyone has brought something to the host/hostess. Some bring beer or wine, some bring desserts, some bring flowers, but I can't think of a single person I know of who has ever showed up empty handed.
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Old 09-06-2006, 08:28 PM   #3
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Verablue, the epidemic is way out west too. I like to bring gifties when visiting, usually fruit or flowers from my garden, or perhaps some cookies I've just baked. I have a couple of friends who are the same way, but many are not.
Kind of sad, I think. However, I'm going to keep my gifties coming, and maybe they'll catch on again
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Old 09-06-2006, 08:33 PM   #4
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I always bring something... I have to or I feel guilty the whole time I'm there. I also instist on helping with clean up. Even if it's just moving the dishes from the table to the kitchen.

Most of my friends are pretty helpful and bring things also.. but there are a few who don't bring anything and never offer to help. It bugs me.. but what can ya do?
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Old 09-06-2006, 08:41 PM   #5
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Vera, I agree. There seems to be a trend of "not so polite" or not as thoughtful. Like you and the others, I try and continue traditional gratitute. Some of our friends do, most don't. Sad but true.
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Old 09-06-2006, 08:48 PM   #6
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Vera Blue

Everyone I know brings something to a house party. To me it is in very poor taste not to bring something.

I am 64 year old and as long as I can remember my parents always brought something to a party, house warming or whatever.

I don't think the adults of today think - and I hate to say this but maybe they are cheap.
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Old 09-06-2006, 09:03 PM   #7
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We never go empty-handed either. SO bakes or I bring a bottle of wine. Depends on where we're going.

I think it's a custom that started dieing out in the last quarter century and, besides, we're old fuddy duddys. Heck, we don't even wear white after Labor Day.
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Old 09-06-2006, 09:06 PM   #8
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I bring things also, unless it's like Pampered Chef, which, the food is cooked by the rep by their recipe.
I know what you mean though, I've seen lots of people that don't bring stuff.
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Old 09-06-2006, 09:09 PM   #9
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something is considered the norm...wine, flowers, a suggested item from the host or hostess, a hostess gift (cocktail napkins etc) ... yeh, it' s the norm.
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Old 09-06-2006, 09:14 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy M.
We never go empty-handed either. SO bakes or I bring a bottle of wine. Depends on where we're going.

I think it's a custom that started dieing out in the last quarter century and, besides, we're old fuddy duddys. Heck, we don't even wear white after Labor Day.
I can top that, Andy...I never drink scotch before Thanksgiving or after Easter!
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