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Old 10-11-2006, 11:46 AM   #1
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Tech Support...

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity like my applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications! I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User

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Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to un-install, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C: APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. It may even crash your system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Additional Support from a Discussion Board Participant:
You might also want to know that Wife 1.0 is "self aware". As an advanced operating system, it is fully aware of your efforts to "correct", "remove" or "repair" it, for it tracks every one of your keystrokes! So, by simply sending out this "cry for help" to tech support, you may be required to immediately purchase and install Flowers 2.1 and APOLOGIZE. Also, don't forget to download It's ALL My Fault 4.1 and You Look Great In That 4.7. If those do not work, Diamonds 5.0 or Gravel 1.1 should help, but I've been told they require additional support from Swallow Pride 1.5 and Suck It Up 1.2. I would not want to be in your shoes. Good Luck!

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Old 10-11-2006, 11:51 AM   #2
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Priceless!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-11-2006, 11:53 AM   #3
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Also enjoyed this one! Thank you!
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Old 10-11-2006, 02:07 PM   #4
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You got karma for that one, Mugs!
Hysterical.
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