Terrible Day Today

[Steve Kroll]

Geez, all this was just silly string on Joy? When I saw the title I got a tear in my eye thinking "Cat came home from school and found DA had passed on???" Phew, so DA is OK then, right?

Let me give you a different view of this silly string stuff. Sure they might have done it as a prank to be funny or mean - I don't know, I can't read their minds. But when our kids were in high school (1995-1999) it was a big thing to get your yard toilet-papered. Mostly your classmates did it to let you know you were part of their crowd. Our son was always disappointed when the school year came and went and he didn't get TP'd. Well let me tell you, he went to a school that was 25 miles from our home and the only transportation was if we drove. Finally, after 3+ years of football/track/wrestling/mock debate team/etc our yard finally got toilet-papered! The reason it took so long? The kids in his class had to be old enough to get drivers' licenses and pay for the car insurance and gas before they could go 25 miles! Whenever one of the kids from school got TP'd the same kids would show up the next day to clean up. Fun, plus not trouble to the person draped in paper. Heck, they even all got together and did it to the football coach's house at the end of the season.

Maybe your classmates were trying to initiate you. Maybe not. But if there is a next time with them pranking you, if they are around just smile, straighten your shoulders and stand tall, and say "OK, you had your fun. Now come help me clean this up, OK?" If you say it with a strong voice and a firm look in your eye they might help...but they probably won't ever mess with you again.

I think this is good advice. My BIL lives in a town where there is a tradition of students leaving a golden toilet in the front yard of the homecoming king's house. I don't think my BIL was aware of the tradition when he found a toilet sitting in his own yard one autumn morning. Tim was mad as heck that someone would put garbage in his yard, until his son explained that it was only because he had been selected homecoming king. Then, rather than being a source of anger, it became a source of pride.

There are pranks born out of spitefulness and pranks born out of fun. It's hard to tell which type Cat's classmates belong to. These young people may have meant to bully her, but it could also have been an awkward, misguided attempt to include her in their group, without realizing it would make her very upset. Considering they could get into serious trouble for vandalizing someone's car, I can't imagine these kids owning up to the crime as they did, unless they though Cat would also enjoy the joke.

I have a daughter in college. I could honestly see some of her friends doing something like silly-stringing her car as a joke (although she is the type who would make them clean it off afterwards).

Not saying it was right, but things aren't always as they seem on the surface, and there are two sides to every story.

 

[CatPat]

I think this is good advice. My BIL lives in a town where there is a tradition of students leaving a golden toilet in the front yard of the homecoming king's house. I don't think my BIL was aware of the tradition when he found a toilet sitting in his own yard one autumn morning. Tim was mad as heck that someone would put garbage in his yard, until his son explained that it was only because he had been selected homecoming king. Then, rather than being a source of anger, it became a source of pride.

There are pranks born out of spitefulness and pranks born out of fun. It's hard to tell which type Cat's classmates belong to. These young people may have meant to bully her, but it could also have been an awkward, misguided attempt to include her in their group, without realizing it would make her very upset. Considering they could get into serious trouble for vandalizing someone's car, I can't imagine these kids owning up to the crime as they did, unless they though Cat would also enjoy the joke.

I have a daughter in college. I could honestly see some of her friends doing something like silly-stringing her car as a joke (although she is the type who would make them clean it off afterwards).

Not saying it was right, but things aren't always as they seem on the surface, and there are two sides to every story.

I understand this. I do not know of their side to this. They laughed and went away.

I know of jokes, but I play jokes that do not cost money or to hurt someone. I could never harm someone's car. Cars are very special to people.

With love,
~Cat

 

[Addie]

Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.

Oh dear! Not a happy page for the Chicken Chronicles. I am so sorry. I know how important the girls are to you.

 

[Addie]

It isn't funny. It's cruel and spiteful and tantamount to bullying. Have there been other incidents? If there have been, or this nastiness continues, does your school have a student counsellor? If not, or if s/he is ineffectual, then you need to go to the Principal/Dean or whatever the top person's title is. Make sure the counsellor and the Principal understand that this is bullying and vandalism and the law has been broken and you want it dealt with as a disciplinary issue. If s/he's a wet lettuce (ie limp and feeble) threaten to take it to the police. The perpetrators will hate you for standing up to them but would you want them as friends anyway?

I hate bullying and bullies and when I was teaching I used to make sure it was jumped on from a very great height.

Goodness, I got a bit carried away there but I meant it all. The only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them

I have to agree with you Mad Cook. It is a form of bullying and destruction of personal property. Even though no damage was done to the vehicle, it could have had chemicals in the silly string that would damage the car finish. And it is a stupid act that cost another student money. Not all students are rich enough that they can pass off an extra expense they weren't counting on.

 

[Steve Kroll]

Cars are very special to people.

Cat, you are right. To you, in your culture, cars are very special. But in the US, I don't think that many college kids think the same way.

Here is an example.

My own daughter came home one weekend with a dent in her front bumper. This was the car that her mother and I gave to her for her high school graduation. When I asked her what happened, she shrugged and said she thought it got hit by someone in a parking lot. It wasn't something that she thought about for more than a couple of minutes. I was probably more upset than she was. But in her mind, her car is nothing more than a thing that gets her from one place to another.

On the other hand, she has a bedroom set that I made for her when she was about 12. She took it to college with her. The bed is very small, since it was made for a child. But she still uses it. A few weeks ago, I asked her if she would like a new larger bed. She then asked what we would do with the old one, so I suggested we sell it. Well, the answer was a definite no. She said she would not want to sell something that I had made for her. This surprised me.

So you see, different perspectives. One thing she regards as special. Another thing she does not.

Again, I'm not saying that what these kids did was right. It wasn't. It was clearly wrong. But did they intend to harm you or your car? Or was it more a case where they just not thinking clearly? That, I don't know.

 

[CatPat]

Cat, you are right. To you, in your culture, cars are very special. But in the US, I don't think that many college kids think the same way.

Here is an example.

My own daughter came home one weekend with a dent in her front bumper. This was the car that her mother and I gave to her for her high school graduation. When I asked her what happened, she shrugged and said she thought it got hit by someone in a parking lot. It wasn't something that she thought about for more than a couple of minutes. I was probably more upset than she was. But in her mind, her car is nothing more than a thing that gets her from one place to another.

On the other hand, she has a bedroom set that I made for her when she was about 12. She took it to college with her. The bed is very small, since it was made for a child. But she still uses it. A few weeks ago, I asked her if she would like a new larger bed. She then asked what we would do with the old one, so I suggested we sell it. Well, the answer was a definite no. She said she would not want to sell something that I had made for her. This surprised me.

So you see, different perspectives. One thing she regards as special. Another thing she does not.

Oh! I would be very much hurt if someone damaged my Joy of that! I would go to the police!

It does not surprise me of the bedroom set. I would say the same. The things that are made for us do not have any price tags upon them. The worth of things like this are of the heart and there is no argument of this.

With love,
~Cat

 

[CatPat]

I have to agree with you Mad Cook. It is a form of bullying and destruction of personal property. Even though no damage was done to the vehicle, it could have had chemicals in the silly string that would damage the car finish. And it is a stupid act that cost another student money. Not all students are rich enough that they can pass off an extra expense they weren't counting on.

Thank you, Addie. It is what I was very worried of. It is why I went to the car wash.

But she looks just fine.

With love,
~Cat

 

[GotGarlic]

Oh! I would be very much hurt if someone damaged my Joy of that! I would go to the police!

Cat, I don't think Steve meant that someone deliberately damaged his daughter's car. Bumps and scrapes happen sometimes. My car door has a couple of dings on it - maybe someone opened their door too fast and hit it, or maybe the wind caught their door as they were opening it and blew it out of their hands.

But I do understand that you're upset by this incident, and that your car is still very new and important to you. We're just trying to say that there is usually more than one way of looking at something.

 

[CatPat]

Cat, I don't think Steve meant that someone deliberately damaged his daughter's car. Bumps and scrapes happen sometimes. My car door has a couple of dings on it - maybe someone opened their door too fast and hit it, or maybe the wind caught their door as they were opening it and blew it out of their hands.

But I do understand that you're upset by this incident, and that your car is still very new and important to you. We're just trying to say that there is usually more than one way of looking at something.

I am trying to understand this. I am believing of this to be a cultural difference. I did not earn my Joy. She was given to me of the good faith that I perhaps one day shall earn her.

And one day I shall earn my new stove also by becoming a good cook. I think when things are given to you and things are trusted to you, you should earn them for to be careful and responsible of them.

I do not know if this is sensible to all of you, but it is in my heart.

With love,
~Cat

 

[Addie]

Oh! I would be very much hurt if someone damaged my Joy of that! I would go to the police!

It does not surprise me of the bedroom set. I would say the same. The things that are made for us do not have any price tags upon them. The worth of things like this are of the heart and there is no argument of this.

With love,
~Cat

I too can understand what Steve's daughter is saying. I have some of the most stupid and useless gifts from the grandchildren when they were small. They were each given a certain amount to spend and bought something that they thought was beautiful. I keep them because "they" thought I would love them along with their useless gifts. And I dust them with love. When something is made or given with love from the heart, you cherish it even more. Steve's daughter has some very good values.

 

[Addie]

Cat, you are right. To you, in your culture, cars are very special. But in the US, I don't think that many college kids think the same way.

Here is an example.

My own daughter came home one weekend with a dent in her front bumper. This was the car that her mother and I gave to her for her high school graduation. When I asked her what happened, she shrugged and said she thought it got hit by someone in a parking lot. It wasn't something that she thought about for more than a couple of minutes. I was probably more upset than she was. But in her mind, her car is nothing more than a thing that gets her from one place to another.

On the other hand, she has a bedroom set that I made for her when she was about 12. She took it to college with her. The bed is very small, since it was made for a child. But she still uses it. A few weeks ago, I asked her if she would like a new larger bed. She then asked what we would do with the old one, so I suggested we sell it. Well, the answer was a definite no. She said she would not want to sell something that I had made for her. This surprised me.

So you see, different perspectives. One thing she regards as special. Another thing she does not.

Again, I'm not saying that what these kids did was right. It wasn't. It was clearly wrong. But did they intend to harm you or your car? Or was it more a case where they just not thinking clearly? That, I don't know.

The car thing is a 'man' thing. All men look at cars with different eyes. And the bed is something you should never sell. Pass it on down to your grandchildren. I can't imagine that you would even suggest selling it. Imagine the stories your daughter can tell her child about that bed. That is one bed that was made with love, not for lovemaking.

 

[taxlady]

I have a 2005 Volvo that I bought used last year. I would be very upset if Sigrid got a ding.

 

[Addie]

I have a 2005 Volvo that I bought used last year. I would be very upset if Sigrid got a ding.

I can understand that. But would you bring it into the shop to have it fixed? A man would. He would be willing to spend the money. A woman is more practical. Is the ding bad enough that the paint has been removed and leaving room for rust to set in? A woman would think of that. A man would only want to get "his car" back to looking new. A woman is more concerned with keeping the inside clean. A man wants to wash his car every weekend.

 

[MammaCat]

Hello, everyone! I thought I would weigh in on this issue.

Her Papa called the university and spoke to the Dean of Women. He was told that Cat is too "serious," and that "she does not fit in," and she advised him that Cat should "try harder to be sociable, and go out with her classmates."

Well, obviously, Cat can't do very much socializing. The university put the blame on Cat for this occurrence. She went ahead to say that if Cat were more like her peers, this would not have happened. She also suggested professional counseling for Cat.

We are nowhere with this problem. Cat's situation is unique, and the Dean knows this. Still, the Dean suggested counseling.

One of you stated clearly that Cat is more serious than others of her age. She is. Her family, and anything she's given or bought, she treasures all of it. With an adopted child, we don't know if this trait came from us or if it was inherent in her.

Whichever the case, the incident is where it stands now. They will do nothing.

Thank you for listening.

MammaCat

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.

Oh CW, I'm so sorry. Not a good day at the coop...

 

[GotGarlic]

I can understand that. But would you bring it into the shop to have it fixed? A man would. He would be willing to spend the money. A woman is more practical. Is the ding bad enough that the paint has been removed and leaving room for rust to set in? A woman would think of that. A man would only want to get "his car" back to looking new. A woman is more concerned with keeping the inside clean. A man wants to wash his car every weekend.

These are major generalizations, Addie. DH got a new truck a couple months ago and keeps it clean, but only because it's new. His previous vehicle was a dump! I hated riding in it because it smelled bad from years of spilled coffee. And I sure don't keep my car that clean. Tidy, yes, but I don't clean it all the time. I just don't want to spend my time doing that.

Different strokes for different folks.

 

[CatPat]

Mamma, I love you but I am very angry of your posting.

I am not mentally ill! I am going away of this. I did not wish to speak of this phone call!

~Cat

 

[Addie]

Hello, everyone! I thought I would weigh in on this issue.

Her Papa called the university and spoke to the Dean of Women. He was told that Cat is too "serious," and that "she does not fit in," and she advised him that Cat should "try harder to be sociable, and go out with her classmates."

Well, obviously, Cat can't do very much socializing. The university put the blame on Cat for this occurrence. She went ahead to say that if Cat were more like her peers, this would not have happened. She also suggested professional counseling for Cat.

We are nowhere with this problem. Cat's situation is unique, and the Dean knows this. Still, the Dean suggested counseling.

One of you stated clearly that Cat is more serious than others of her age. She is. Her family, and anything she's given or bought, she treasures all of it. With an adopted child, we don't know if this trait came from us or if it was inherent in her.

Whichever the case, the incident is where it stands now. They will do nothing.

Thank you for listening.

MammaCat

Cat has no need to change. She is a delightful person. Her sense of humor is right on and she shouldn't have to fit in anywhere if it is not her nature to do so. She recognizes that she has a lot of responsibility and she lives up to it. What was done to her car is pure bullying. And in this country that is not a good thing.

It doesn't matter where her traits come from. Only in how you raised her. Both you and your husband have done a wonderful job with Cat. Her days for laughter and fun will come. It is just not going to be the todays of now. You and your husband are very fortunate in having such a remarkable daughter. And we here at DC are so fortunate in getting to know such a delightful person.

A lot of our colleges have older people in their 30's and older who have returned to finish obtaining their degree. Would the Dean suggest that they too go out with other students on drinking binges and playing stupid jokes on other people? The Dean is an idiot who fails to understand what her duties are. She has a duty to protect Cat as well as other students.

 

[GotGarlic]

Mamma, I love you but I am very angry of your posting.

I am not mentally ill! I am going away of this. I did not wish to speak of this phone call!

~Cat

Cat, here in the U.S., there are many reasons to seek counseling - mental illness is only one of these. Of course you are not mentally ill. Counselors can be helpful, though, when it comes to dealing with stressful situations in life.

Think about it this way: You have experienced several life changes in a relatively short period of time that would cause stress to anyone: moving to a new country, taking care of an elderly relative and going to school. Any one of these would be difficult for many people to deal with, and you are doing them all at once. You're doing a great job, but sometimes it helps to have an impartial third party to talk to. It's helped me a lot. PM me if you want.

 

[Addie]

These are major generalizations, Addie. DH got a new truck a couple months ago and keeps it clean, but only because it's new. His previous vehicle was a dump! I hated riding in it because it smelled bad from years of spilled coffee. And I sure don't keep my car that clean. Tidy, yes, but I don't clean it all the time. I just don't want to spend my time doing that.

Different strokes for different folks.

You would never want to ride in Spike's car. He uses it to carry tools, and anything else in it that will fit. When he is going to take me shopping, he has to find an hour when he can clean it out enough so the groceries will fit in.

A quick story. He has his father ashes in a cardboard box and has never gotten around to sending them back to England to be buried there. So one time when he and Sandy separated for a short time, he brought them with him. He put them up in my sister's attic. One day my sister was cleaning out the attic and came across the box. She shook the box and there were a couple of tiny bones in it that hadn't burnt completely. She wondered what was in it and when she went to open it there on the top were the words, "Cremains of Raymond Harris." She almost fainted. She called him to come and get them. He did and for the longest time kept them on the seat in his truck. Every time someone went to get in his truck he would tell them to wait. He has to move his father. He didn't like for people to sit on him. His father is now in the closet downstairs. Sandy refused to even hang her coat there when she would come inside. She wouldn't even open the door. A good place to hide stuff from her.