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Old 04-04-2006, 08:53 PM   #51
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Hey Tex! So sorry your going through a difficult time. Your a great mom, its evident in your posts and if you didn't care you wouldn't be reaching out for support. I wish you lived close so we could pull up some chairs to a table and grab a glass of wine and chat, cry, laugh, etc....

One thing that struck me, possibly the nurse in me. But have you ever had him evaluated for Attention Deficit Disorder or Depression or both. I know you said that your DH doesn't believe in it but he very well could be affected with one or both.....just a thought.

You could search the web for sites....there should be questionairres that you could print off. After looking at some sights and the symptoms your might see something there. If so, I'd suggest you print them off. Then sit down with your son and reassure him of your love and concern for him and ask him casually if he is experiencing any of the symptoms and then offer to show him the questions. Together you too may find that in fact he has many of the symptoms and then you can take the next step and take the questions/answers to your family doctor and ask for a referral to a specialist. I'm not sure but the health department may be of assistance or you could call a social worker at a hospital and ask her for assistance in finding some help. I don't know your financial-insurance status but they may know of some free help.

I only bring this up because I know of several family members and friends children that struggled like your son is and it turned out that they had medical problems never diagnosed.

Like I said its just a thought and doing some research could bring some light to why your sons behaving the way his is and has.

No matter what happens know that we are here for you and always will be. Its one of those situations that until a person is in it they have no idea what its like and the advice others give may sound just but it may not work in your given situation. In the end you'll do what best for you and your family I have faith in you.

Stay strong my friend (HUGE HUGS)!!
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Old 04-05-2006, 08:39 AM   #52
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Thanks Sizz. Actually, I have thought about the depression. He's always been pretty insecure about his looks and I know that most of the time, he won't show his emotions, but, when he has had things going on, he will blow, BAD!!
I will do what you suggested and look for a questionaire. I know that he fits a couple of the questions, he sleeps a lot and he doesn't seem to care about most things. He doesn't do any of the things he used to love doing. He would rather go off with his friends or sit in his room with the door shut and play his games for hours. He doesn't eat like he should either.
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Old 04-05-2006, 09:00 AM   #53
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That sounds *exactly* like I was. I stopped caring about school. I only wanted to be with friends, slept as much as I was allowed to, ate nothing but junk or nothing at all. I smoked 2.5-4 packs of cigarettes a day. I didn't care who I made angry or who I upset. I caroused about and cheated on girlfriends without a care in the world. It turns out I was just a typical young adult without any direction in life.

I forgot to also say that my parents *really* made me stand on my own. After I was kicked out of the house and forced to survive by my own wits, they moved from here in Knoxville to Seattle (Actually Kent, but close enough), Washington. Talk about having to grow up *fast.*

I may sound callous, but I don't buy the whole depression/ADHD thing in the vast majority of instances. There are so many medicated people now, and nobody wants to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Everybody wants to blame everything on some ephemeral disease instead of just bucking up and getting on with life. I probably could have been medicated for eleventeen different "diseases" and "disorders" as a youth, but instead of relying on medications, therapy or empathy I learned to work with what I had and make something of myself.

This isn't to say that nobody needs chemical help, but I think we attribute a lot of things to nebulous diseases, syndromes and disorders that really amount to personality flaws that need to be dealt with on a personal level by the individual. I firmly believe that a lot of these "illnesses" have been created by doctors and the medical field in general so that they can get paid by the insurance industry, and as a result many have come to believe that their crappy outlook, social skills and personality have to do with some "illness" more than they have to do with their need to grow up and learn to get along with others.

I still say it sounds like he just needs to be forced to grow up. We should all try a dose of reality before we start resorting to treatments. If you give him a potential crutch he'll most likely use it before he tries to fix things himself. It's easier to blame something else than it is to say "I'm a screw up and need to get serious."
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Old 04-05-2006, 09:06 AM   #54
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I see your side very well, phinz. My youngest son IS ADHD. He has never taken medication for it either. He has struggled all his life with things, but, he has learned to control it MOST of the time. He still can't stay quiet, even in his sleep. And if he's bored, look out, he will drive you nuts!!

But, if my oldest truely is depressed, I would like to get him help if it's going to help him come out of this and be a better person for it.
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Old 04-05-2006, 09:23 AM   #55
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Just be careful of grasping at medical explanations for personality flaws. That's all I'm saying. Giving someone an excuse for bad behavior hurts them more than making them face their issues and learn to be a contributing member of society instead of a drain on it.
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Old 04-05-2006, 09:36 AM   #56
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Don't worry phinz. I won't throw this at my son and just decide that it's what's wrong with him. We have a pretty good doctor that will not prescribe ANYTHING that he isn't 100% sure that it is needed.
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Old 04-05-2006, 09:50 AM   #57
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Cool. Just worried, that's all. I've seen it too often.
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Old 04-05-2006, 12:09 PM   #58
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(((tg)))

A little "fall" may seem like a big fall to us parents because we don't like to see our kids hurting or lost. Take a bit of your husband's advice and even it out with yours - somewhere in the middle hopefully your son will come to terms with his responsibilities and actions that can form his future.

(((big hugs tg)))
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Old 04-05-2006, 12:25 PM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitchenelf
(((tg)))

A little "fall" may seem like a big fall to us parents because we don't like to see our kids hurting or lost. Take a bit of your husband's advice and even it out with yours - somewhere in the middle hopefully your son will come to terms with his responsibilities and actions that can form his future.

(((big hugs tg)))
Thanks elf!!
I've missed you here!
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Old 04-05-2006, 01:49 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texasgirl
Thanks elf!!
I've missed you here!
Thanks tg - I've missed being here as much too.
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