Adventures With Mom

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I took Mom recently for her annual Medicare Wellness checkup.

Her weight was less than where I feel she should be at, her BP was too high even on medication, her cognitive abilities are mediocre on a good day and this was not a good day, she refuses to have any sort of tests done, they couldn’t get an oxygen level on her with that finger-clip-doohickey, she almost fell over trying to get up onto the exam-table, she didn’t know her address, forgot what year it was, AH! But NO she’s good!

I give up trying to get answers from this doctor, well she’s not even a doc, she’s a NP and whenever I bring something up that concerns me, I get, “she’s old what do you think.”

When we left the doctor's office, Mom was grousing at me the whole way home.
Ya know what I said to her?
"Mom, you've made me do even worse things than this, so buck up."

She was not taken out to lunch after. I do not reward poor behavior.

DH said that she’s probably already got a special code on her chart to indicate that Mom is an "uncooperative patient" with medical instructions. Who doesn’t go for a blood test or any other recommended procedure?

Mom’s answer to all of that is “NO! I’m fine. I just want to be left alone.”
Okay Mom... so I give up. I’m not going to bother wasting my time taking her to doctor’s appointments she doesn’t want to go to in the first place.

She has a cyst on her ear, and I said that if that isn’t gone by the Summer, she’s going back to have it removed and that’s going to be the end of me pushing any more doctor’s appointments.

I know if she wants to be able to keep her Medicare coverage, she MUST go to the annual Wellness and that’s going it for me!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

DH & I went over to take my Mother another curbside pick up grocery haul a few days ago.
I bring along meals that I’ve made as well.

Both of us noticed that she looked very gaunt and drawn. When I went to put her groceries away, she has not been eating very much.

On our drive back home, DH & I discussed this. I made mention that all my pre-prepped meals that I put in her freezer were eaten AND when we take out to eat, she eats like a little piggy... she snarfs that food down let me tell you.
She seems to want to eat foods other than her usual frozen “TV dinners” that she requests. I do look for new-to-her freezer meals at the different markets that I go to and she seems to like those and will tell that she's like this one or that.

So, I am making a bigger effort to cook extra of all of our dinners for her.
We’re going to take her to the doctors for labs this coming Thursday (edit- no really, she even asked me if the Doctor's Office had called me to make the appointment ) and I’ve already got 3 my meals in the deep freeze for her already.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

It sounds like your Mom prefers your homemade "TV dinners" because, unlike store-bought ones, yours include the secret ingredient - love. You are a good daughter.

 

[dragnlaw]

CG, I totally agree with you. My next concern would be how often is she eating, one meal a day is not enough.
sounds like she's now needing someone to check on her daily for meals that she needs.

 

[Marlingardener]

Lordy, I sympathize! My mother wouldn't tell the doctors about anything--"he's the doctor, he should know!"
I made extra of our meals and took her several meals that were just heat and eat. She complained about the carrots, didn't like the way I prepared chicken, etc., etc.
After all the hauling her around, cooking for her, and doing other services, there was never a thank you.
Kaneohegirlinaz, I wish I had been as smart as you and just said enough is enough.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Lordy, I sympathize! My mother wouldn't tell the doctors about anything--"he's the doctor, he should know!"
I made extra of our meals and took her several meals that were just heat and eat. She complained about the carrots, didn't like the way I prepared chicken, etc., etc.
After all the hauling her around, cooking for her, and doing other services, there was never a thank you.
Kaneohegirlinaz, I wish I had been as smart as you and just said enough is enough.

The first 6 months after moving my Mom from California to live with us in Arizona, she did the same thing.
My husband finally had had enough of that!
He sat her down went over all of our "issues" that we had and our concerns for her safety, living with us.
He explained that she needed to have more gratitude not only towards me but everyone. She was just too use to living by herself and not having much interaction with other humans.
The best thing that we ever did for Mom was moving her into the Senior Living Community that she's in now. She actually has multiple friends, socializes, participates in activities offered by the Staff and goes to breakfast most mornings with her "friends".
Oh, and Mom told the Chef at the place where she's at now that, "you're food is okay, but my daughter cooks alot better than you do."

Mom NEVER complains about anything that I make.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

CG, I totally agree with you. My next concern would be how often is she eating, one meal a day is not enough.
sounds like she's now needing someone to check on her daily for meals that she needs.

Ya know @dragnlaw we could pay someone to check on her daily, but we live only 30 minutes away by car.
I'm at her place probably once a week and I keep tabs on what and how much food she's consuming.
If I see that she's not eaten much, I get "but I'm just not hungry" ... I scold her and she hops to.
She's become alot less combative since we moved her. She knows that DH & I are only looking out for her; also I think she realizes that my good-for-nothing younger Sister isn't going to for her ... never did, never will. Mom doesn't know it, but my Sister told me some time back that she plain and simple doesn't like our Mother, AT ALL

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

It sounds like your Mom prefers your homemade "TV dinners" because, unlike store-bought ones, yours include the secret ingredient - love. You are a good daughter.

YUP!

This hangs above my stove.
And thank you @Cooking Goddess, I try to be a good daughter and care for my Mother.

 

[dcSaute]

my father died, about 3-4 years later I convinced my mother to move closer, into a retirement home, because driving 4 hours one way to change a light bulb really was not in the cards . . .

she moved, she had a circle of friends. her health declined, her friends would bring food from the dining room . . . which I rather quickly discovered sat in her refrigerator until it turned green. and, have experienced the Depression as a late teenager , , , she insisted was still edible. and she got thinner and thinner and weaker and weaker . . .

the retirement home was about 25 minutes drive, I was there every other day to ensure the rotting food got thrown away . . . I took it with me . . .

her COPD got worse and worse and I insisted she move in with us - we had a new build first floor master, so we could move to the 2nd floor with destroying the entire continent . . .

she was in-home, in hospice, for another near six years. (yeah, hospice and six years are not often compatible, but tough old birds frequently deny doctors their prognosti.....)

caring for a long term declining patient is really really tough stuff. she died in her own bed of a (massive?) stroke - with me and my wife by her side. this is not pretty stuff - but I would not have it any other way.

curiously, I had done filet steak, baked potato, succotash . . . in her last few lucid moments, she apologized for not finishing her steak . . . so, care givers must never give up, regrets cannot be undone.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

my father died, about 3-4 years later I convinced my mother to move closer, into a retirement home, because driving 4 hours one way to change a light bulb really was not in the cards . . .

she moved, she had a circle of friends. her health declined, her friends would bring food from the dining room . . . which I rather quickly discovered sat in her refrigerator until it turned green. and, have experienced the Depression as a late teenager , , , she insisted was still edible. and she got thinner and thinner and weaker and weaker . . .

the retirement home was about 25 minutes drive, I was there every other day to ensure the rotting food got thrown away . . . I took it with me . . .

her COPD got worse and worse and I insisted she move in with us - we had a new build first floor master, so we could move to the 2nd floor with destroying the entire continent . . .

she was in-home, in hospice, for another near six years. (yeah, hospice and six years are not often compatible, but tough old birds frequently deny doctors their prognosti.....)

caring for a long term declining patient is really really tough stuff. she died in her own bed of a (massive?) stroke - with me and my wife by her side. this is not pretty stuff - but I would not have it any other way.

curiously, I had done filet steak, baked potato, succotash . . . in her last few lucid moments, she apologized for not finishing her steak . . . so, care givers must never give up, regrets cannot be undone.

Never a truer statement @dcSaute !
I have to do the same thing with Mom's `fridge, I stopped asking, I just do. It goes down the garbage disposal.
I throw my hands up in the air (when I'm not with Mom of course) but I still make her do what the practitioners suggest she do; I let her slide on some stuff if they do. This time though she wants to have her labs done, amazingly enough, so if and I stress IF, she's a good girl, we'll take her to lunch after she gets poked.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

@Kaneohegirlinaz, I  love that sign! Do you remember where you got it? I would consider getting one for our kitchen.

 

[GotGarlic]

@Kaneohegirlinaz, I  love that sign! Do you remember where you got it? I would consider getting one for our kitchen.

There are lots to choose from: Secret ingredient

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Oh @GotGarlic, there are so many choices! Thanks for the list.

I used to be crafty. I might be able to make something personal for me. Then again, I better buy one if I want one before I die.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

@Kaneohegirlinaz, I  love that sign! Do you remember where you got it? I would consider getting one for our kitchen.

I bought it at AT HOME, it just spoke to me.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Ya know,@Kaneohegirlinaz, we don't have those cute-but-chain stores by us. We do have a number of rustic decor shops, but they all seem to carry the same things. Back in OH, I got some really unique things at "Welcome Home". Don't know if they're still in business.

 

[cookiecrafter]

When you moved your mom from CA to AZ how did her state benefits work? Did you have to discontinue in CA and apply in AZ? (Medicaid)

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

When you moved your mom from CA to AZ how did her state benefits work? Did you have to discontinue in CA and apply in AZ? (Medicaid)

Not quite sure what you mean.
Mom has Medicare through the Federal Government, but has never received any State benefits.
But, yes, both times that Mom moved, from AZ to Ca and again now from CA to AZ, we needed to change her Medicare Supplemental coverage, and some how each time was during "open enrollment" so it was no big deal. Well, other than this last move. Mom's cognitive abilities are fair at best on a good day.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Last week, DH & I were out and about, and he says, “Let’s go look at a new easy chair for your Mother.”
GREAT IDEA!
The chair that she was gifted with when she moved into her new digs is on its last leg. Her butt has got to be on the ground, it’s so had-it!
So, we both decided on this one

Her chair was delivered yesterday and we told her that this was her Early Easter gift, along with this super cool bouquet of paper flowers that I found.

She was tickled pink.
My Mother doesn’t smile often but as soon as she sat in her new chair, it was from ear to ear.
“OH! It reclines and rocks too? I LOVE IT!”
As we were about to leave, I asked Mom, “how long before you’re sound asleep in your new chair?”
She just laughed and said, "right after dinner."

 

[dragnlaw]

You're a wonderful daughter who loves her mommy

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I just got a telephone call from my Mother, she NEVER calls me!

“I just wanted to call you to tell that Mrs. Soares passed away this afternoon.”

Awww!



This is Mom’s life-long friend from her hometown, her Gal Pal that she hung with while she lived back there up until almost 2 years ago now.

Not long after we had moved Mom to live with us, Mrs. Soares had a bad fall, and she was placed in a Care Home and then a few days ago, she was transferred to Hospice.

Mom would call her at least once a week, but in the past coupla months, Mrs. Soares wouldn’t answer the phone.
One of Mrs. Soares’ caregivers would update Mom from time to time and she had said that Mrs. Soares wouldn’t talk to anyone anymore, that she had just given up on life.

I feel so badly for not only Mrs. Soares’ family but Mom too. This was her oldest and dearest friend.

Mrs. Soares was a character, let me tell you.
I’ve known her my entire life and even as an adult (when Mom moved back to her hometown), it’s always been Mrs. Soares. She told me, “Oh honey just call me by my first name already.”

She’d cuss every now and again, for emphasis she said.
If we all went out to linner (late lunch/early dinner) and I’d order a glass of wine, Mom would give me a little kick under the table and say, “it’s not happy hour yet!”
Mrs. Soares defended me every time, “Well bleep Sue, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere! In fact, I’ll take a glass of White Zin to keep the girl company, she can’t drink alone.”

During my short phone call with Mom today, I asked her if she’d like to drive out to California for the service... “No, that’s too much trouble. We’d have to stay the night … No.”
I said, well, Mom you think about it, we could always do that if you want to... we’re all retired, do you have somewhere else to be?” That gave her a giggle.

Aloha Oe Mrs. Soares