Dove said:
I hate to bring this up now with Christmas just a few days away but I am really going through a rough time now.
Marge,
You may know that I lost my only son 2 3/4 years ago. Here are a few things I can tell of about my grieving process:
- I would bounce back & forth between so many feelings for about the first year: total despair, anger, guilt, just wanting to lay down & die myself, and on & on. It felt like I was going crazy. I understand that this is typical when you are grieving for a loved one. The most normal things would set me off: walking the aisles in the grocery store & seeing the different things that Shane loved, going to a wedding or baby shower, seeing the way that other parents looked at their children & knowing I would never have anyone to look at in that way again.
- I did get some medication from my Dr. to help me sleep & cope with getting thru a day. Sleep was my only relief at the beginning, it seemed. I could make things go away for a short time. I don't regret doing that.
- Revel in your tears. If you didn't love Paul so much, it wouldn't hurt so much. I let myself wallow in it when I needed to. And I let myself laugh, too. Because I tried to think about how Shane would have wanted me to be. - how he would have wanted me to handle things. And how I would have wanted him to handle things if I had died before him, like I was supposed to.
- what helped me? I am an avid reader so I read everything I could get my hands on about this kind of thing. It made me feel like others knew what I was going thru & made me realize that I wasn't going crazy.
I did attend one session of a Bereaved Parents support group. Again, I felt like I was with people who totally understood how I felt, when most people can't. The reason I didn't attend more sessions was because it was kinda far away from me & Shane had already been gone for a year & a half by that time. I went with someone else who just lost her son a couple months before.
Time does NOT heal all wounds but it does make things better. You start to accept & look at things differently. Now I am thankful for any reminder of Shane - any mention of his name. I love to look at his photos & remember the times of his life. When, at the beginning, it was nothing but pain.
I don't know if this will help you at all. I really hope it does. You need to keep waking up every morning but you don't need to smile your way thru the day. You need to take care of yourself as best as you can. If you want to cry, do it! If you want to laugh, go ahead - doesn't mean you miss Paul any less. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If others around you don't understand, too bad. This is your grief. Try anything you want to, to get thru this. And lean on your DC family as much as you want. As you can see, there are many people here for you.
With love & hugs,
Corinne