vicki (and corrinne, michael, and middie), i've avoided this post because it tears my heart in two just reading of your pain. i wish i could do something to ease it. i'm not one for dwelling on sad times, but your grief goes far beyond that.
i firmly believe there is no heaven or he11 (those are the creations of mankind to get you to donate on sundays...or saturdays, oy!), but our life energy goes back to becoming one with everyone else. god isn't a seperate being, but all of us put back together.
you (and me whether you like it or not...
) will be back with our loved ones, and each other when our time comes, no matter what any church or belief system says.
for the meantime, live your life appreciating every day as i know you already do, and everyone in it, past and present. rejoice knowing those that have passed are more than ok, and share all of your joys and sorrows as if they were still stuck here.
with my deepest sympathy, and tears to boot, "god" bless and all my love and energy to you.