I'm usually not one to spill my heart out to the first person who'll listen, but tonight I'm taking full advantage of this venting thread.
My boyfriend and I went to a car show in New York. He was trying to get a picture of one of the exhibits at one point but couldn't get a clear shot because so many people kept walking in front of it. He finally gave up and jokingly said to me, "At least I got a good one of those hot models." I flipped. Why? I have no idea. And that's precisely why I'm upset.
Usually I just roll my eyes at things like this. I'm able to acknowledge that there are women more attractive than I am, and that it's totally natural for my boyfriend to be attracted to them. He doesn't make these comments too often and he's never given me reason to think he would be unfaithful.
Today, however, I felt personally attacked. It felt like he was saying "Well they'll never notice me, but you're a decent consolation prize." Anyway, long story short, we left the show early and talked it out. I explained that I don't expect him to shut off his attraction to good looking women, but that it might not be the best thing to share with me. I told him that although I'm still physically attracted to other men, I don't feel the need to point it out and make him feel inadequate. He understood, told me he only meant it as a joke, and reassured me that I was more than just some shabby second-best.
That's all resolved, but I'm still frustrated with myself. I wish I knew why I reacted the way I did, or why I'm so hard on myself, or whether I'll ever be good enough for my own standards. Aaarrrgh!!!
(Sorry if I sound like a lunatic. I sure do feel like one though.
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