It's interesting to be on the "other" side of raising children. Our youngest is going to be 32 in November. He's one of 5. Four boys and a girl. In some ways, our daughter gave us more heartburn than any of our sons. But my husband and I held our ground and were the parents rather than buddies to our children. I think that's where some parents make a mistake. It's nice to be friends with our children but, after all, we ARE the parents.
By the time our children, the boys mostly, reached their teen years, the issue of keeping their rooms up to our standards was almost comical. Our oldest, now 36, was the worst. His room should've been condemned. We ordered, shouted, withheld stuff, campused him, everything. Nothing seemed to work. He still seemed to enjoy living in a cesspool.
Finally, we quit harping and just shut his door. When he asked where his favorite shirt/pants/etc. were, we just told him to look on the floor because he'd neglected to put them in the wash before laundry day. Laundry day, by the way, has been on the same day for 38 years, so he had no excuse for not knowing when the wash was done. Plus, each one had a laundry basket in their closet with their name on it. All they had to do was to put it in front of the washer the night before the laundry was to be done. Then pick it up the next afternoon. How hard was that?
He was an "A" student, but did only enough to get by and sometimes not that much. We practically lived in the guidance counselor's office. Once he graduated from high school - something we doubted until the moment he walked across the stage - he got the bright idea to enter the military. He'd always bucked discipline, so we were astounded at his decision. Not only that, he chose the most difficult service...the Marines. We were floored.
He served well and proudly and when he left the Marines, we had the opportunity to visit with him at his apartment. Surprise, surprise, surprise. The shelves of his linen closet were filled with neatly stacked towels, washcloths, bars of soap, etc. His closet had each shirt on a hanger, in color order, and his underwear and socks were folded neatly and all in perfect rows. So much for the messy cesspool of a few years earlier.
He's become a very successful young man and is currently developing his own property managment company. And, by the way, you can eat off the floor in any room of his house. Who'd ah known?!
We survived 5 driver's licenses and a couple of automobile accidents. Thankfully none serious. We also made it through countless boyfiriend/girlfriend endless loves and break-ups. Somehow we used instinct and dumb luck to weather whatever storms came at us.
One thing we learned was that sometimes when our children bucked the system and insisted on doing things their way, we just had to let them suffer the consequences as hard it as it was on the two of us. Sometimes it grieved us plenty but some of the knocks helped them. All children are different, like fingerprints, so what works with one will not necessarily work with another.
Four of the five are married. Two of them now have families of their own and will, hopefully, understand what we were trying to convey to them when they were young. Having a family is hard work but, as far as I am concerned, it's well worth it.
So, hang in there and be strong. You'll be surprised at how much strength you really have. And, remember, no experience is totally bad...unless you learn
nothing from it.
Be well.
Katie