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Old 06-09-2006, 09:56 AM   #1
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Advice For A New Single Father

Things aren't going very well. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that...but my wife and I are deciding to separate. This is a big, hard decision on our part. Some people have come into our lives and decided to tear our marriage apart for the time being. Something had to be done...things just haven't been working out. For the time being, my only priority is being a great father to my son. Any words of wisdom from some other single parents, would help me get through this right now. This is the hardest step we've could take, so far into our journey through life.
I'm picking up the pieces and trying to be strong for my son, and my family. Things kinda suck right now...but I gotta hold my head up high and take pride in myself and my choice to be a single parent for the time being. Thank all of you who have been there for me!!!


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Old 06-09-2006, 10:09 AM   #2
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Eric, you have friends here who are always available to lend a non-judgemental ear.

I've been through divorce and know what it can do to you. You are starting out with a good attitude and have your proirities in order.

Remember, your well being is the most important. You cannot do your best for your child, job or wharever if you're not in good shape yourself.

Better days are ahead.

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:11 AM   #3
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I can't imagine what you must be going through. I feel for you Erik!

Like Andy said, you have the right attitude. Being there for your son and family is what you need to do and it is great that you know that.

I wish you all the best of luck and I really hope this turns out as well as it can!
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:24 AM   #4
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I'm so sorry that things are going so badly for you right now and no I am not a single parent, BUT I am a child of a single parent. My mother raised 4 kids by herself with no support from my (HA HA) father.

If things aren't working for you two, then it is best to separate and see what happens. You didn't say how old your son is or if he would understand what is happening. I know that I was happy...actually thrilled when my mother could take no more and divorced my father.

I can't tell you too much about single parenting except to watch out for (I didn't do this because I despised my father) your child playing off of you and your wife. Such as if dad says no about something that he wants (video game, tv, toy) then turning around and asking mom for it next time he sees her.

You will need to sit down and explain to your son (if he is old enough) why mommy isn't around and don't lie to him, tell him the truth. Make sure that you tell him as many times as it takes that it isn't HIS fault. Children do understand more than you might think and I do remember feeling guilty when I heard my mom crying at night.

I know it was hard on my mother raising us with very little money, but she did the best she could and not one of us were ever arrested, got in a fight, did drugs or drank too much. Spend as much time with your son as you possibly can, especially at first so that he doesn't feel abandoned.

If you are having a hard time, I am positive that there are some support groups out there that can help. Also getting into activities with your son will help him adjust to the situation too.

I know this is rather rambled, but am typing inbetween the work coming in and am not taking a lot of time to compose my thoughts. I know that later when I have time, I could probably tell you more but I have a feeling that you will get a lot of compassionate answers and help from those here that care.

God bless you and keep your head high and a smile on your face.
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:33 AM   #5
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I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time. Just remember to love your son as much as you already do, be caring to his distress,but, be firm in your beliefs if he tries to test your limits. Don't say anything badly about your wife in front of him, this can be very bad. He will be okay. Just try to communicate with your wife the best that you can for your son's sake.
As much as you love him, he will be just fine. I wish you all the luck in the world through this.
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:48 AM   #6
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I've been through two divorces. The first one was pretty painless, because my daughter was very young. I moved back to Illinois from Louisiana, and her father never came to see her.
The second one was **** for everyone, especially the kids. My oldest daughter was old enough to move out, and the youngest chose to live with her father. He and his parents bad-mouthed and degraded me to the point that she and I had virtually no relationship until she was grown and married. Now, we are very close.
I had given up on love, when finally found my soulmate at the age of 38. Our 21st Anniversary is coming up in July, and we are happier than ever.

Things will get better for you, Erik. Just remember not to bad-mouth your spouse in front of the child...she is his mother, regardless of your differences, and it will make him feel insecure. Hopefully she will cooperate, so that your child will know he is loved by both of you and he doesn't have to "choose" one or the other.
And make sure he never feels that it is his fault. Children blame themselves for everything.

If you need to talk, I'm always here.
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:50 AM   #7
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Erik, just remember that things are bumpy in the beginning and will smooth its self out in a while. My husband was a single father (until I came into the picture) and I rember him getting really stressed about stuff. Just remember to do what is best for your baby, respect your ex-wife, never badmouth her or any future stepfather, and try not to judge, if your lifestyles (yours vs. ex) end up very different. Good luck.
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:53 AM   #8
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I am so sorry to hear about your situation... I have never been a parent, let alone a single parent, so I am not the best person to inpart any kind of wisdom on your circumstance, but I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out for you and your boy.
Try to focus on the bright side of life, and never forget how blessed both of you are to have each other. Try to be there for your son for whatever the needs he has, as much as you can, and let him know always that he is loved, which he needs so badly.
We are here for support in any way we can. Hang in there and keep your chin up, and all my best wishes!!
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:34 AM   #9
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Hugs to you Erik.
I was a single mother for more years than I care to remember...
the best advice I can give you is love your child enough to say NO.
Keep on being the dad and don't let your son take control... when you're feeling guilty it's so easy to try to make up for things by giving the child everything he wants. Give him what he needs. LOVE.
Make sure to only say good things about his mother too. Feelings formed at a young age can last for a life time.

Good luck. I'm here if ya need a shoulder.

smiles, T
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
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Old 06-09-2006, 12:08 PM   #10
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good luck to you. I know you will manage it with the love of a father!

LiGruess cara ~~~ Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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