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Old 05-28-2007, 11:59 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -DEADLY SUSHI-
Thanks for the responses. Its not to fun nor easy being this way. Yesterday i woke up at 3pm. I went out and did a few errands. Then I got a case of 30 beers for $11 plus a pack of Marlboro Lights. Total of about $16.
Been drinking from 10pm till now. Not heavy. A few beers an hour.
Its bad for SO many reasons. But Im borred. I get borred somewhat quick. I have very little money so I cant go out and shop. I just stay here in my apartment drinking. Every woman I ask out is taken or not attracted to me.
My last job gave me constant heart palpitations. They are gone now. So I feel healthy enough to look for a new job. (I was fired in January)
Bills are pilling up. I am almost broke and almost out of unemployment pay.
Anyhew, its 9am and Im still drinking my beer. Im lonely. No one is here to hug me or to talk to. Hence the beer. BUUUUUT I have my 2 cats. I suppose. No parents. No siblings. Just music and movies. The pool at my apartment is now open but Im 20 pounds over weight. Not looking to s3xy.
But its my fault. Im alright though! Im always alright.


The loss of your job. That wouldn't have anything to do with your problems with alcoholism now, would it? Only YOU can change it though, if you really want to.

And how did your last job cause your heart to go into palpitations? And if so, if your heart DOES go into palpitations, you need to get to either your doctor, or the emergency room immediately. That's a pure sign and the beginning of what may be congestive heart failure (CHF)!!!

I was diaganosed with it late last fall and was in the hospital TWICE because of it. You can be in danger and start suffering from SOB (shortness of breath) which is a really scary thing. Your lungs get filled with fluid and you're gasping for air as if you are literally drowning!!

And like GB said, you desperatly need to start trying to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop sitting on your butt looking for sympathy because there is none to be had. Don't be tricked into thinking that you can quit drinking on your own, because you'll lose.

I've a friend whom I hadn't seen for a while, and when I DID see him, he looked ten times worst than he did before. And he went right back to drinking, is homeless again and is looking for sympathy as well! I told him to not even think about asking me for help, because I tried to help him before and it all was for nothing!

I'm not helping alcoholics get right ever again because as the old saying goes, you can't change a leapard's spots. Please, go get help. Do what you must, but don't expect any sympathy from me. Help others by helping yourself.

I'm sorry also, for sounding so stern, but you need a wake-up call to make you change your ways.
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Old 05-28-2007, 12:04 PM   #22
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Sushi, I endorse what GB and Corey have said.

You've gained the extra weight because you've been consuming empty calories. Get busy and start taking accountability for your actions. Sorry, this response isn't pretty, but your situation isn't pretty either.

Now, go take a shower, put on some clean clothes and get some help.
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Old 05-28-2007, 01:19 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corey123
Only YOU can change it though, if you really want to.

And like GB said, you desperatly need to start trying to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop sitting on your butt looking for sympathy because there is none to be had. Don't be tricked into thinking that you can quit drinking on your own, because you'll lose.

I've a friend whom I hadn't seen for a while, and when I DID see him, he look ten times worst than he did before. And he went right back to drinking, is homeless again and is looking for sympathy as well! I told him to not even think about asking me for help, because I tried to help him before and it all was for nothing!

I'm sorry also, for sounding so stern, but you need a wake-up call to make you change your ways.
It is hard to be stern, but you have to be. Alcoholism sometimes is an uncontrollable urge, and one drink can cause all discipline and self-control to go out the window. I ended a relationship in March because of alcoholism (as a few of you may remember), and it was the hardest decision to literally throw him out when he thought he needed me most- when he really needed to find his own strength to overcome. I had to separate my deep love for him, and harden my heart so much to muster the strength to do what was best for the both of us, and mainly him. It was agonizing, but he needed to straighten his life out. I felt like I was kicking him when he was down, abandoning him, but I had no choice- the nice method was NOT solving the problem. I felt like I was going against God, forsaking the "for better or worse" vows we hoped to take this year, but you don't bring the "worse" on those you love the most. Alcohol abuse is usually a psychological disease, and drinking is the reaction to negative emotions. He drank when he was bored too, so had to learn other ways to keep busy. I thought if I asked him to leave, he would spiral even more out of control, and he did for a while, dealing with the loss with the same self-destructive behavior that caused it all. The pain he went through losing me was the excruciating wake-up call he needed. I told him to take note of it, because it WOULD happen again if he ever resorted back to alcohol. He understands now why I told him HE had to find the answers. Only HE could help HIMSELF. No one can save you, but yourself.

We are doing fine now, taking each step day by day. Reading Sushi's self-loathing words is like reliving the hard times we have been through, just as other people in this post have related and shared their heartaches alcohol has brought into their lives. Sometimes people get so down, they can't help themselves. Their emotions are so raw, they are beside themselves, literally out of their mind with loss, reaching out for anyone that will save them with the magical answer that solves it all. I truly see it as a cry for help. Sushi, I see the blunt responses, and you need to take them to heart. I don't feel anyone is trying to offend you. They are pointing out your self-destructive behavior, saying "#$%^ wake up!!! Don't you see for yourself what you are doing to yourself?!?" And we care about you, and sometimes when people care about you, you need to hear words that rip through to your core. You seem to have realized you have a problem, now you need to make a game plan to deal with it.

As I repeat over and over, YOU ARE SOBER BEFORE YOU TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK OUT OF THE BOTTLE. Make that change, make that choice, and choose to make your decisions right then and there, before you impair your judgement and all the bad things that follow thereafter. Next time you get plowed, take your picture, and compare it to what you used to be. You won't like what you see.
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Old 05-28-2007, 09:34 PM   #24
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Quote:
I have absolutely no sympathy for someone who comes on here and declares they are an alcoholic and says they want to stop drinking, but then says they just bought a 30 pack because they are bored.

If you are so bored then why not go out and look for a job instead of sitting around drinking and posting on forums trying to drum up sympathy? If you are so bored then why don't you go get help for your drinking problem that you claim you want help for.

From where I sit, you seem to me like you have no desire to get help. You are just looking for attention and for people to come and say "Oh look at poor sushi. Everything will be OK. You are a great guy and we love you Blah Blah Blah". Sorry to put it so bluntly, but these are my views and I am not going to sugar coat them. If you REALLY wanted help then you could get it, but you obviously are just looking for attention.
I dont want sympathy. Im posting this so people know about my addiction. And maybe someone can relate. If YOU had an addiction you would probably understand. Its NOT easy to tell everyone about this. I thought even YOU might respect that. How could you think I want people to pat me on the head and say its going to be ok?! Im 36 not 12.
Im very very disapointed in your lack of trying to relate. I have been getting help but on holidays things get more difficult.
You and anyone else can blab like you just did. Its easy to say anything when you are not in the same position. I hope you never have to deal with any of this.
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Old 05-28-2007, 09:44 PM   #25
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Yes, Sushi, many of us can "relate." I grew up with a mother who was an alcoholic and addicted to drugs, so I have some idea of the mindset of someone in your position.

There's no lack of relating. We just know that you have to pick yourself up and get a grip.

Saying the holiday is causing you some distress is understandable, but not an excuse for lapsing into "I'm feeling sorry for myself" mode.

Too bad you define concern for "blabbering." If you would just sit up and look through your fog for a minute, you would see it as concern and support, which it is.

If you say you are getting help, then you should be able to speak to someone during this holiday to help you cope.
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Old 05-28-2007, 09:46 PM   #26
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Sorry sushi, but I am not buying it. Don't come here bellyaching about being bored so you are going to drink and then saying how you are out of work. If you really wanted help then you would quit your wining and go out and do something about it. Why don't you check yourself into a program if you are that bored and really want help? Why are you not working on your resume if you are that bored and need a job? Why are you not out applying for jobs if you are that bored and need a job? No, instead you come here and post your whoa is me story.

I really hope you get the help you need, but it seems like you still have a way to go before you hit bottom and hopefully wise up and look at your actions.
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Old 05-28-2007, 09:48 PM   #27
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I know where you are coming from...I'm an addict as well. I also had a reaction like this on another board I frequent.

I know you are already beating your self up because of your disease. And yes, everyone IS right, only YOU can change this..BUT it's not easy.

You have taken a big step in the right direction. You have admitted it to yourself and to others.

I have an AA book that I got when I attended my first meeting. I'm required to attend 4 meetings for my treatment.

Have you asked any friends or family for help? If not, try to confide in someone. Ask them to go WITH YOU to an AA meeting. It's much easier to go with someone than to go alone.

You can do this! I've been clean for almost 2 months now but I still crave the high each and every day. It has gotten easier, though.

I had a real test today. I was spending time with a friend at her house this afternoon and she has a full prescription of Xanax, one of my drugs of choice. I was an anxious mess. I couldn't stop shaking and my heart was pounding. I was self inducing an anxiety attack so I could get the pills. Thankfully my friend will NOT give in and give me the pills.

I'lll help you through this. We can help each other.
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Old 05-29-2007, 01:25 AM   #28
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Quote:
I'lll help you through this. We can help each other.
Its a deal Angie.

Quote:
Why don't you check yourself into a program if you are that bored and really want help? Why are you not working on your resume if you are that bored and need a job? Why are you not out applying for jobs if you are that bored and need a job? No, instead you come here and post your whoa is me story.
Resume is fine. I have an interview on Wed and Friday. And by the way, people post things in here because they feel like other people care about them. Your statement truley shows how insensitive of a boy you really are. Something is really really wrong with you.
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Old 05-29-2007, 01:45 AM   #29
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[B]Sushie, re-read this when you are sober..you will see people do care and are asking you to help yourself.You have to want to stop drinking.You can't just talk about it.
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Old 05-29-2007, 04:13 AM   #30
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Many churches offer a program called Celebrate Recovery. It is for alcoholics and anyone with addictions of any kind ie., drugs, food, porn, etc. It would be good if you found a group like this to go to, in addition to AA. It would be an extra source of support and human interaction.
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