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Old 01-16-2007, 04:39 AM   #1
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Cooking jokes

I didn't found any similar thread, so I'll post it here.


Cooking Exam

My sister failed her cooking exam because she burned something.

That seems unfair. What did she burn?

The School.


You Might Be a Bad Cook If...

Your microwave display reads "TILT!"


You know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.


Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.


Leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.


Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crock pot nine days old tastes like. /Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.


Your family seems really interested in going to that restaurant that always has trouble passing the health inspection.


If the EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red "biohazard" symbols.


When you BBQ two of your kids hold water guns and the third has the phone with 911 on speed-dial.


Pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.


The smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove.


Your family buys Rolaids, Pepto Bismal, and Tums in bulk.


Your homemade bread loaf can be used as a door stop.


The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire.


Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.


You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your roommate and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!


Your tuna noodle broccoli surprise melts plastic and silverware.


You used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, but that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan!


You look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water.


You call your mother to ask how long to boil cabbage to make cole slaw.
If anyone has ever broken a tooth while eating your homemade yogurt.


The family pets are no where to be found during dinner.

Fancy Cooking

Two confirmed bachelors were talking. Soon, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.
"You know it. Every one of the recipes began the same way... 'Take a clean dish...'"

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Old 01-16-2007, 05:56 AM   #2
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Very funny... Thanks for sharing!
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Old 01-16-2007, 12:05 PM   #3
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Lol loving the dog goes to the neighbors one.
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:09 PM   #4
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A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:25 PM   #5
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THE BLONDE COOK
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:43 PM   #6
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Why'd the cookie go to the hospital?
He was feeling crummy!

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Deathbed Cookies

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.

He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered
withered arm to the cookie sheet.

As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"

"They're for the funeral."
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:57 PM   #7
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Gimme a cookie
Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.

He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.

When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ***. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.

This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ***.

Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit.

The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ***.

After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his ******* and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-16-2007, 04:00 PM   #8
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Last for today...I hope you enjoy reading these jokes



A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
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Old 01-16-2007, 05:04 PM   #9
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Keep 'em coming, Husky, this is fun!
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Old 01-16-2007, 05:39 PM   #10
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