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Old 02-27-2008, 02:59 AM   #21
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And now for some completely different perspective!! When I was 18 to say early twenties, I wanted kids and six would have been fine. Didn't have a partner at the time though. By the time I was in what I thought was a stable relationship (but turned out not to be) I no longer wanted kids at all! As it turned out, having no kids was the best thing for my life and the complications it has since produced. I am 40 now and while I do the wonder what if thing every so often, generally I have no regrets. My point is it is probably hormonal and is attached to the nesting you are going through with your new house and husband. Stopping the pill has given those hormonal feelings a super boost! Not saying you will do a back flip like me, but the urge tends to evolve somewhat. While nobody can comment on what works for you and your husband, waiting a couple of years isn't going to make you old but it will put you in a better financial position. You'll know if this plan becomes too hard but I would resist the first urge just to ensure the urge is yours and your husband's and not just a hormonal surge. Either way, good luck!!!
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Old 02-27-2008, 03:38 AM   #22
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Smile You are still young...

Wish I had the opportunity of having hindsight.

My first husband was a policeman and after 8 years of going out together we owned two properties. Two years into our marriage he decided he didn't want children, or me for that matter I found out later on. So at the ripe old age of 31, I found myself divorced, husbandless and childless. I then met my wonderful present husband whom I have been with for nearly 10 years. We married when I was 35 I went off the pill and we have tried for the past 5 years to have children including two failed attempts at IVF and two miscarriages. My husband is 10 years younger than I am.

I suppose what I am saying is whilst you are still young, live it up and achieve what you can but don't leave it too long as you never know what is around the corner. On looking back I wasn't overly maternal until I met the right one, hubby no. 2. I am a little like Bilby with the "What if" but you learn to deal with it and realise there are a lot of people worse off than me.

When I went off the pill I was not the most pleasant person to live with and as everyone said your hormones will be see-sawing until they get back to the normal levels again. Being around children as well always brings out the "coochie coos" too!!!

Take your time and enjoy each other for a little while, whilst you have time on your side.
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Old 02-27-2008, 04:58 AM   #23
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Thank you Uncle Bob..

You're alls posts have made me a bit 'teary eyed'..... GOSH what is wrong with me!?

That's interesting Barbara.. I know i'm not pregnant (got somethin goin on at the moment thats confirming that...) But I have been off my 'birth control' (pill) for almost 2 months now. We're just using a different method. I didn't like the side effects that the pill had on me. Could me coming off the pill have anything to do with this?

Vera, if you don't mind me asking, How long were you married when you had your first?
Two years. We were married in 83, our son was born in 85. Not to sound morbid, but we actually got pregnant during the first year, but unfortunatley, that didn't work out for us. I cannot say it was unexpected, but it was certainly unplanned... It scared us at first, being so young and expecting, but you make adjustments to work everything out. But like I said, that didn't work out for us. We never planned any of the pregnancies. We didn't avoid them, either, haha. That's what life is all about....you make plans and then things happen to change those plans. It's how you react to those changes that defines who you are.
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Old 02-27-2008, 05:29 AM   #24
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What an interesting thread---I think that everyone's situation is different---so many factors are at play here----age, economic situations, relationship dynamics. You can ask for advice and we DC'ers are always ready and willing but this is a question that you are going to have to discuss with your husband and hopefully you two will come to a mutual agreement. As someone who lived thru the last few downturns in the economy and we're talking about the 80's and losing nearly $30,000 on a home and luckily we had a buyer and didn't give it to the bank like a lot of our neighbors did----I would really caution you, given your young ages and good health (I'm assuming) to wait and ride out this latest economic downturn and see what happens. In the meantime it would be a lot cheaper and safer to invest in another pet to lavish your maternal feelings on. The fact that your hubby reacted like a deer in the headlights is some indication of his feelings right now. I waited until I was good and ready to have children and worked a few years. At age 28 I was more than ready to ditch the teaching job and "nest". I would also suggest that you research the genetics on your side of the family----if all the women went into early menopause (mid 30's) then a serious talk is in order with your gyn. My advice is to resist the urge, get a super, lovable pet, and see what's going to happen with the economy. Waiting for a truck to sell so that your finances improve and then thinking about having a baby may be a bit daunting right now esp. since you've taken on home ownership and are in the process of renovating. Lots to think through before committing to a full-time job for at least the next 18 years of your life. And then you will still worry about them no matter what. Ok, you can push me off the soapbox. :)
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:25 PM   #25
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I don't think I would have waited much longer, the first was at 25, 2nd at 29 and last (whew!!) at 31. I almost think the last one was kinda late. She'll be home FOREVER.
I would have waited forever if I was waiting to be "ready". As a matter of fact, a week before we found out I was pregnant we were thinking how much it would suck to have a kid right now. I regret that conversation because I really don't know what I did with free time before!
We were only "together" about a year, didn't get married til #3 was on the way. (I hate being center of attention and didn't want a "wedding"). We had been best friends and dated on and off since we were 17 though.
Now I really really like him!!!! :) kidding.
Anyway, remodel 1st.
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Old 02-27-2008, 02:44 PM   #26
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beginner chef, my advice would be to wait. maybe even a little longer than 2 to 4 years. not too long though. if you can, plan to have your kids from your late twenties through your mid 30's.

over the past coupla years since we had our son (my wife and i were both 39 when he was born), a number of people have commented to me about how they see how much i love being a dad, and how i've completely dedicated myself to the experience. all i can say is that i can't take credit for it beyond that it's what i'm supposed to do.
the reason it comes to me so easily is that i partied and travelled and experienced the heck out of life for the first 39 years, so i have no regrets and no doubts about having missed anything. now, there's a little guy that needs as much of me as i can give him, so there isn't even the tiniest shadow of any doubt in my mind, nor any wishes for more free time or space, nor any longings in any way that can distract me from what's the right thing to. what i'm doing isn't really all that remarkable; just natural.

so, try to live your life as best you can now, and try to become the kind of person that you want your future kids to be proud of. 'cause once they're here, your life will never be the same again.
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Old 02-27-2008, 03:34 PM   #27
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buckytom, you nailed it!

BC, think about why you married your husband. He was your best friend, your true love, your absolutely-everything, right? Enjoy this amazing time you have together with him, being a couple. Spend time with him, and remind him that he's your hero.

I really feel like the closer the parents are, the more they get along, the more respect they have for each other, and the more fun they have together will equal a wonderful, safe, stable, happy environment for their babies.

Think about when you were 16, and in your mind, you probably "really knew" what life was all about....then you turned 20, and looked back at 16 and thought "holy cow! Boy did I have more growing up to do!" There's never anything wrong with taking time to make such a life-changing and life-altering decision.

for the record, I'm 41 with 2 kids: 15 and 12. Looking back, I wish I would have waited just a few more years. I think I would have started college savings accounts for my kids before they were born, too, rather than waiting till they were 5 or so.
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Old 02-27-2008, 10:57 PM   #28
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Thank you all for the wonderful advice!

This definetly isn't something that's going to be happening in the near future. It's just something i've been thinking about lately. Me and my DH did some talking today, and I got him to agree that after we finish the house, and buy a street bike (very big deal to him....) we'll start talking seriously about possibly trying. It's most likely going to be about 2 years. And who knows, by that time my feelings may be different...... Hard to imagine...

Thanks again for all the great advice! Just so everyone knows, I didn't ask you all this to try to make a decision. I was just wanting everyones opinion! Wanted to make sure I'm not CrAzY!!
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Old 02-27-2008, 11:27 PM   #29
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Thank you all for the wonderful advice!

This definetly isn't something that's going to be happening in the near future. It's just something i've been thinking about lately. Me and my DH did some talking today, and I got him to agree that after we finish the house, and buy a street bike (very big deal to him....) we'll start talking seriously about possibly trying. It's most likely going to be about 2 years. And who knows, by that time my feelings may be different...... Hard to imagine...

Thanks again for all the great advice! Just so everyone knows, I didn't ask you all this to try to make a decision. I was just wanting everyones opinion! Wanted to make sure I'm not CrAzY!!
Good girl. You have the advantage of getting a number of points of view. You are lucky in the respect that many young women in your position don't have this wealth of information.

As has been said, get to know and love your spouse and enjoy your "alone" time together because it will be many years before you get to be "just the two of you" again.

Have a great time and let nature take its course. That is, after your body adjusts again after being on and then off birth control pills. You will be fine.
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:11 AM   #30
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Just another point of view about waiting until you are more mature-aged parents, my brother and his wife did like BT and travelled, worked abroad, got settled and then had their family. Well, they had a bit of trouble getting pregnant but have still ended up with three kids. The trouble they mainly found, and continue to find, is that their friends all had their kids when by brother was travelling. So when they wanted to do things with their friends, they were hampered by their friends babysitting/child/baby etc situations. Now that their friends' kids are all older or off their hands, my brother is still hampered from enjoying his friends' time fully because of his kids! Now whether this is a problem to you or not, only you can determine. (and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my brother would have done it any other way or that he isn't happy, just that these were part of the social problem he experienced.)

Another thing to consider in my brother's situation is that his youngest is 7 and he is 49. He has NO hope of an early retirement!!! Again, just another factor.
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