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Old 07-05-2008, 04:02 AM   #91
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suziquzie View Post
I hate to possibly offend again, but I gotta know.....
Do those of you without children fault or think less of those of us who do have them???
This was the beginning of the reason for asking, but did not want to start off with it.
Oh goodness, now this is hard, because just as you don't want to offend neither do I. Most people, absolutely not! Some people ar truley gifted parents (I think my DH would be) and I would have a child myself (or 2) if I can. But there are some people, they used to be a minority, but there seem more and more of them, who I don't know why they have children, and its very rare they have one. SOmetimes I get a little sad that these poeple who seem not to care about what their kids eat, their education, their friends, can have children so easily and often and that I who would care passionately abou bing the best parent I could be can't, but prhaps that's just jealousy I seriously doubt anyone who bothers to frequent a site about cooking is one of those parents.

I seriously think opting to have more than two children in an overpopulated world merits serious consideration. But for those parents who are gifted I can see why the temptation would be great.

I hope my answer doesn't offend.
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:55 AM   #92
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I think that this is a very provocative post that's remained amazingly free from ruffled feathers.......any disagreements or agreements tend to depend on your own family's history and everyone has their own baggage that they carry with to a marriage or relationship and the decision to have children or not to and then there are the stepchildren that also come along with it all and have to be considered like others have pointed out.....Susique, thanks, and I hope that people will continue to share their thoughts and experiences
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Old 07-05-2008, 08:31 AM   #93
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JPM thank you for putting it so well. I followed through on my decision to remain childless. When I was young, I knew I would have a large family. I was the eldest of a fairly large family, and loved my role. However, Mom taught me that the judicious use of birth control was important to a loving family, and that there should be no unwanted children in the world, certainly not in her family. I married quite young the first time around and recongnised that my druggie husband was NOT father material. When I remarried (25 years now), I told my husband that I was not very tolerant of most methods of birth control, so .... kids or no? We discussed it and concluded .... no.

Now as we're celebrating our 25th year of marriage, my husband is gratefull to me for not just leaving it to happenstance the way most people do. We are watching our friends trying to raise their grandchildren because their kids simply won't take responsibility for their lives. Of course, we'd like to think that if we had kids, ours would be better. But that is a fool's paradise. Having children is a full time commitment for two people, not a part time job for one. My husband and I realized that we could take on that commitment, and were probably more suited to do so than most. However that responsibility should be taken on knowingly and lovingly and not be accidental.
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Old 07-05-2008, 12:00 PM   #94
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I haven't weighing in until now. First, I just want to say how impressed I am with everyone who has responded. This is one of those topics Mod watch with their teeth clenched and finger poised above the lock down button.

I'm one of those people who never actually had the opportunity to make a decision about having kids. God made that one for us. Didn't seem to matter how many methods of birth control were being used at once when God said "NOW" I got pregnant. Twice. LOL. I guess I should be grateful all our other ducks were either in a row or nearly there.

Since I work with families who are struggling with raising their kids I often ask myself why one person or another made the choice that they did. I believe that we all must know ourselves well enough to know if we are "parent" material. My hat is off to those of you who realized it was not for you. Parenting is about readjusting your priorities and putting yourself further down the list than you once were. If you can't or won't do that, you need to be realistic about your decisions. So many of the kids I see are so messed up because their parents are selfish -------- (fill in the blanks yourself) and consistently put their WANTS ahead of their kids NEEDS.

Ooops. Sorry. Off my soapbox now. In any case, the decision to get pregnant was not mine, but the decision to be a parent was. I will never forget the abject terror I felt when I realized I was now responsible for a life other than my own. It took me a while to come to terms with not being #1 on my list for awhile, but I adjusted. I think that must be why you get 9 months before the little boogers arrive.
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Old 07-05-2008, 12:01 PM   #95
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Oh, and Maverick...I'm going to go post about early puberty in another thread and post a link if you are interested.

Edit: Early Puberty thread
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Old 07-05-2008, 12:16 PM   #96
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I look at mot having kids as exceptionally generous and UNSELFISH.

My sister was selfish and had 2 kids because, in her words, she
wanted to "feel loved".
Once they got older, she pretty much stopped being a parent.
Both are high school dropouts; her daughter has 2 at age 21.
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Old 07-05-2008, 12:33 PM   #97
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Originally Posted by suziquzie View Post
The baby borrowers got me thinking...
For those of you with no children, and no intent on having them.... why?
I get when you can't, you can't, or a bad relationship.... but my brother and SIL have decided not to, and I'm not sure why.
Yeah, they are loud and seem to interrupt things alot, but it's also the best thing I ever did!
Not passing judgement one bit.... just curious.
Those who don't want children probably have several compelling and personal reasons. They really shouldn't have to answer to anyone and should never be judged for not doing something that others consider essential. I'm not directing that to you but to all those who think it's appropriate to ask people that question and to ask it usually with a very judgmental attitude.

The better question to pose would be to ask those who say they want a child just what made them come to that decision. They are the ones who will affect us all with their decision to procreate. It's a decision that should not be made lightly or without much thought and consideration.
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Old 07-05-2008, 12:42 PM   #98
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The better question to pose would be to ask those who say they want a child just what made them come to that decision. They are the ones who will affect us all with their decision to procreate. It's a decision that should not be made lightly or without much thought and consideration.
Agreed, but suzy, pregnancy is one of those things that happens accidentally even in this day and age. (OK, and lets not do the prolife vs prochoice debate here.) The point I'm making is rather that when "accidents" happen sometimes you just need to step up. This is a personal opinion of mine since I personally never actually made a decision to become pregnant. I just decided to be the best parent I could be once that choice was made for me.

I guess I'm saying the decision is not merely whether to become pregnant, but rather to be a good parent.
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Old 07-05-2008, 01:15 PM   #99
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Agreed, but suzy, pregnancy is one of those things that happens accidentally even in this day and age. (OK, and lets not do the prolife vs prochoice debate here.) The point I'm making is rather that when "accidents" happen sometimes you just need to step up. This is a personal opinion of mine since I personally never actually made a decision to become pregnant. I just decided to be the best parent I could be once that choice was made for me.

I guess I'm saying the decision is not merely whether to become pregnant, but rather to be a good parent.
Yes, Alix, you're absolutely correct about those "accidents." But since the OP was asking about deliberate decisions, that what I focused on.
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Old 07-05-2008, 01:17 PM   #100
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Understood suzy, and hopefully I was clear about saying it was a personal opinion of mine that I was sharing.
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