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Old 06-15-2008, 08:02 PM   #2731
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I'm sorry Alix, I know how that goes....

Today is just a sad day all around. It sucks that it has to be father's day. Today would have been my SIL's 35th birthday, she was killed in a car accident in late 2003. She was also my best friend.
Today also marks the last day we saw my FIL before he died that same year. DH and I went to his house to say Happy Father's day, and to tell him I was pregnant again.... actually we didn't tell him..... his wife offered me a beer and I refused.... so he knew that would be the ONLY reason. ANyway he died of a heart attack 2 days later..... Melissa (the SIL that died) never forgave herself for not going to visit with us, she was chilling out on her 30th birthday... she didn't live long enough to regret it the next father's day.
Went to the cemetery after work, then pizza at my MIL's.... Help me I need a laugh I cant possibly cry anymore today.
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Old 06-15-2008, 09:21 PM   #2732
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... Help me I need a laugh I cant possibly cry anymore today.
Just remember that God is with us through it all, even if we don't feel Him in the moment. Remember that He gave us our families and friends to love and cherish while we have them with us, and to remember when they are gone. And when you need to laugh, just remember that He also gave us armadillos, platypusses, and aardvarks.

Barbara
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Old 06-15-2008, 09:37 PM   #2733
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I have so many things I want to say and that I need to say but nothing wants to come out. I went a while without reading these posts--not sure why. It was just like it was too much to take in at the time. Then I started reading them, and everyone was going through so many horrible things, so many that I wouldn't be able to respond to each need or broken heart, and I felt bad about that. I know I shouldn't worry about it--I do pray for all of your needs--but when I start to respond lately, I feel as if I just don't have the right words to say, so I just haven't been saying anything.

I have been pretty down on myself lately--just not saying anything to anyone. I don't know if it is depression or adult ADD (I fit just about all the symptoms I have read about adult ADD, but possibly have depression on top of it?). I don't feel depressed at all, but one of the symptoms of depression is lack of motivation. The thing is, I know what needs to be done, and I intend to do it, but then I end up sitting in front of the stupid computer all day. I get all excited about all that I have planned, then I waste my time, and then I end up mentally beating myself up because of how worthless I was that day. I am doing better, and I know I will continue to do even better, but what I have felt like all this week is that I am just wasting most of my time. I am back on a horrible sleep schedule (to bed between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning, up around 11:00 to noon) which definitely doesn't help. When James starts work it will be easier to establish a better sleep schedule, but I would like to do it sooner. Unfortunately he has gotten just about as bad when he is here. He only has one week of school left, and it would be very easy for both of us to end up with this horrible sleep schedule. I'm going to work on it this coming week. James actually sleeps a lot in his chair, so he gets more sleep than I do, but hopefully we will both start getting more regular sleep. We are supposed to both go to the doctor when he is out of school. I had mentioned that I thought I might be having problems with depression, but I don't think she realized I was really concerned about it (I was kind of unsure of it all and it probably didn't really sound like I was concerned), but I will bring it up again on this next visit.

I am so sorry to have rambled on like this (I hope at least some of it made sense!). All I really wanted to do was tell you that I have been reading these posts, even if I don't always respond, and that I am concerned for all of your needs and do pray for you.

Barbara
sounds like classic depression to me. and believe me i know about depression. i take three different pills for it and a panic disorder. bout ten years now, since my husband was murdered.

it is or can be very frightening thing to live with. i did all the shrinks, and groups , etc. some helped, some didn't. been about five years since i have seen a shrink. meds do the trick.

see a shrink, barbara, not just a doc. they know more about this subject than a regular m.d. then take whatever they give you for as long as they say. most of them take a while to work, and it might take some time to find just the right med for you.

the change in your life will be worth it, i know. it is not a shameful thing no matter what some people say. you deserve an life without depression.

babe
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Old 06-15-2008, 10:19 PM   #2734
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Thanks Babe!

I'm starting to feel guilty because I am worried some of you think it is worse than it is. As I said, I don't feel depressed (no more than most people, I suppose). I mostly just have a huge lack of motivation which causes me to get nothing done.

Because of finances (the money from the house took care of some major things--paid off house and land, car, paid off a lot of bills--but has left us just enough to, hopefully, make it until James starts his job) I will talk to our regular doctor, at least for starters. She is an excellent doctor, and she is good about recommending specialists for anything I need.

I know that depression is not the taboo subject that it used to be, and that it affects people in all walks of life. James became very depressed when he was out of work for so long, and he takes Effexor. He has noticed that it takes an edge off of his feelings just enough to help. For instance, he used to get nervous driving in heavy traffic in strange cities, but he doesn't feel that nervousness doing that now. I know several people who are on medication for the same thing. I think some of the new medications for depression are safer and less scary than some of the ones they used so much in the past. They also have medications for adult ADD, which I think is really my biggest problem. Of course, I am not a doctor (I just play one on TV! LOL) and would not presume to diagnose myself. But I do like to explore the possibilities before presenting it to a doctor.

I am probably one of the most Pollyanna-ish people you will ever meet. I am the eternal optimist, and I have a very strong faith in God, and I know that those two things have gotten me through so many things. Whenever I start to fall into a "why me" kind of attitude, I remember that I have it so much better than so many other people.

I do appreciate, so much, the caring people I have met here at DC. And believe me, I care as much for all of you.

Barbara
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Old 06-15-2008, 11:13 PM   #2735
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My insomnia seems petty compared to all your pain posted here. Sending each of you my warmest thoughts...
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Old 06-16-2008, 12:49 AM   #2736
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This has been a strange day for me. It was a good visit with my Dad and sister, but my mind was strangely divided between Buck and Katie, DD's fiance still in the hospital (until I got a call that he was released around 4:00!!!!), and praying for the boyfriend of another of my "kids" who lost his Dad in September in a motorcycle accident.

Donald is in his mid twenties and was trying to act "tough", but I knew he was hurting as this is the first Father's Day without his Dad. I told him that I still think of my Mom and it has been 13 Mother's Days since we lost her to cancer.

Then I also found out that my best friend's Mom has cancer....this is my friend who is terminally ill herself from complications of spina bifida.

My prayer list is sure full tonight.
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Old 06-16-2008, 02:21 AM   #2737
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It was an odd day here as well..I just had such a hard time staying fixed on the day..I'd start something and then find myself here looking to see if there was any news, then on my knees saying a prayer..one wonderful thing Cade found me in here and quietly knelt beside me..He put his head on my shoulder and just stayed very still till i was done..he then said I asked GOD to let your friends be ok ma..Oh boy, it was almost impossible not to cry..What a neat little boy we've been graced with..
Love can really make you feel ten feet tall.
Night all, time to say some prayers..Msy the Lord watch over all of us this night.
kadesma
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Old 06-16-2008, 09:36 AM   #2738
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What a sweetie, Cadesma! My daughter-in-law found me in a welter of tears yesterday afternoon after I had just found out that Buck might only have a few days at best and she knew. She said "It's your friends isn't it?" She put her arms around me and gave me a hug.
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Old 06-16-2008, 09:12 PM   #2739
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What a sweetie, Cadesma! My daughter-in-law found me in a welter of tears yesterday afternoon after I had just found out that Buck might only have a few days at best and she knew. She said "It's your friends isn't it?" She put her arms around me and gave me a hug.
I feel the love we give comes back to us, just when we need it.How wonderful your daughter-in-law knows you so well.

kades
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Old 06-17-2008, 08:07 AM   #2740
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It was an odd day here as well..I just had such a hard time staying fixed on the day..I'd start something and then find myself here looking to see if there was any news, then on my knees saying a prayer..one wonderful thing Cade found me in here and quietly knelt beside me..He put his head on my shoulder and just stayed very still till i was done..he then said I asked GOD to let your friends be ok ma..Oh boy, it was almost impossible not to cry..What a neat little boy we've been graced with..
Love can really make you feel ten feet tall.
Night all, time to say some prayers..Msy the Lord watch over all of us this night.
kadesma

that's precious, kads.
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